2016 Year in Review
What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?
Broke off an engagement. Finally remedied my mental health problems. Got a DOG!
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any New Years’ resolutions, that I can recall. This year, I would like to be more politically active, more punctual, and a better listener.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ingrid, to baby Magnus.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one close to me, per se, but of course 2016 was the year of celebrity deaths, and David Bowie’s in particular affected me deeply.
5. What countries did you visit?
I spent a ton of money on the house, so I wasn’t able to afford any travel abroad, unfortunately.
6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
There isn’t a whole lot that I’m wanting or needing. Except for blue hair.
7. What date from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 30 - My cousin’s wedding. I had been incredibly depressed around this time. Josh and I hadn’t officially called off our own wedding, but we weren’t taking any steps forward with the planning, either. I had stopped wearing my engagement ring. Josh almost didn’t come with me to my cousin’s wedding, but he did, and I was miserable. I was a mess. So unhappy, and having strong suicidal impulses.
Memorial weekend - Josh and I went to New York for my belated birthday celebration. I’d recently started on Wellbutrin and was feeling amazing. Manic, in fact. Josh had checked out of the relationship, and decided that weekend that he would give up meat and alcohol for 30 days (he lasted 3), so he was especially on edge. Still, he was trying to have sex with me, and I refused because I could tell he was emotionally unavailable and it didn’t feel good. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he no longer saw a future together. We agreed to break up, and he caught an earlier train home on Memorial Day.
Of course, the date that will forever remain etched in my memory is November 5, 2016, which is when we nearly got married. Instead, Emily and I took the Bolt Bus up to New York, had cocktails and sushi and then a nice dinner at Le Village and a drink at Angel’s Share before heading back to the hotel. I think I will always remember how I was feeling around this time. I was sad and emotional, not because I would miss Josh but because I thought I had a rough idea of how the next decade or so of my life would look like and now I hadn’t a clue. I also had so much anxiety surrounding the election, which is another date I will remember, particularly in relation to the occasion of my would-be wedding.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My biggest achievement was not killing myself. My second biggest achievement was finally getting on the appropriate medication to treat my depression. My third biggest achievement was not marrying Josh.
9. What was your biggest failure?
None! Everything happened as it was meant to happen. I don’t feel I failed at anything - and I ESPECIALLY don’t feel I failed because things didn’t work out with Josh.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Amazingly, my immune system has been the strongest it’s ever been, and I’ve been able to fight illness like I’ve never been able to before. Although prior to starting on Wellbutrin, I was extremely depressed and plagued by thoughts of suicide.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My sister, Emily. She’s been so incredibly supportive, loving, and understanding through the whole mess that was going through a breakup with Josh. My brother-in-law has also been incredibly supportive and loving.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Josh’s. He caused a lot of strife while we were together because he couldn’t “adult” and was extremely self-interested. He couldn’t pay his bills, was thousands of dollars in debt to me and to other people, to the point of nearly losing his woodshop which is integral to his business. Meanwhile, he continued to go out and party nearly every night, leaving me at home to manage the household, all while gaslighting me and making me feel like my demands and expectations were unreasonable. Then, when we did break up and I felt immense relief, he tried forcing his way back into my life, not taking No for an answer, not giving me the space I asked for, not respecting my wishes to be left alone. There were also some borderline rape-y situations.
Jerry. Wow, he had quite the handle on me these last 4 years, despite the fact that he treated me like shit.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Most of my money went toward household expenses. When Josh said he would be moving out the first time, I bought a new bed and mattress since the one we had been sleeping on was his ($2300). I also bought a nice conversation set for the deck, which I am still paying for (~$2200). I had all the upstairs windows replaced (~$1700) and I got a custom steel security door (~3300). All that sounds pretty boring, but it’s pretty exciting to me. The most exciting expense, however, is my DOG! Between the adoption fees and necessary supplies, I probably dropped at least $1500 into my little guy. SO worth it. The worst expense of the year was the $1500 emergency surgery that ultimately didn’t save Robyn’s life.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
ALFIE! The best doggle in the world! I also got really excited about life. I can’t believe what a difference the Wellbutrin has made. And I was excited about breaking up and moving on and the future and how different life would be now that I am no longer filled with self-loathing and contempt.
16. What song will always remind you of 2016?
David Bowie - When I Live My Dream
David Bowie - Lady Grinning Soul
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
ii. thinner or fatter?
The same.
richer or poorer?
Certainly poorer, my savings having dwindled to the lowest amount in 10 years or more. Richer because I am happy and have amazing friends and family, including my 3 bunnies and my darling doggle.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I sort of feel like everything happened as it was meant to. I don’t have a lot of regrets from 2016. I suppose I wish I’d traveled more.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Tolerating Josh’s antics.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I hosted Christmas; Emily, Tom, Clarence, and Josh came on Christmas Eve and we hung around the chiminea drinking and talking. The next day, Tom and I cooked and my mom and her boyfriend, my dad, and my Aunt and her boyfriend all came over.
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
I went to dinner at Pen&Quill with Sharon and her husband, Rob, and then had a drink with Josh at Club Charles before heading home. I then went to my new neighbors’ house and rang in the new year.
22. Did you fall in love in 2016?
With my dog, Alfie! Otherwise, I fell out of love with Josh and with Jerry. And while I wouldn’t say I’m “in love” with myself, I’ve - for the first time in my life - learned to like myself OK.
23. How many one-night stands?
A couple with Jerry, and 2 while I was in New Orleans in December.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Downton Abbey!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don’t hate Josh, but I’m losing more and more respect for him with each passing day. He hasn’t conducted himself especially gracefully throughout this breakup, and I’m generally just annoyed by him and his antics. Sooo dramatic. I also don’t hate Jerry, but I am so. very. over. him.
26. What was the best book you read?
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
28. What did you want and get?
A DOG! Mental health treatment! A security door and a conversation set and new windows!
29. What did you want and not get?
Jerry (for the best!).
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. I went to Club Charles that Saturday
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If Bernie Sanders has been elected president? Otherwise, it was a very satisfying year, all said and done.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
It’s been pretty consistent these last several years. I suppose I’ve finally come into my own, style-wise. Mostly black, though I’ve incorporated a little color into my wardrobe. My little black dress from Zara with yellow and white flowers and kimono sleeves. Vintage black silk kimono. Long sleeveless wool vest with faux fur collar from Zara. Every. Day. The perfect black pointe dress from American Apparel. The perfect jumpsuit from the Reformation. No bangs. One length hair, and my waving iron. My red “Sally Jessy Rafael” glasses. Black “stellato” flats from M. Gemi. Oh, and my perfect custom wide-brimmed straw hat.
34. What kept you sane?
Wellbutrin made me sane.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Bernie Sanders. Justin Trudeau.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Which didn’t? The corruption within the Democratic Party to leverage Hillary. Donald Trump himself is just an offensive human being.
37. Who did you miss?
38. Who was the best new person you met?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016?
I cannot take credit for this. These are the words of my friend Ellen:
Unwillingness to yield has become a terrifying quality in a person. Being controlled is my number one fear.
I spend most of my social time truly being myself.
Sometimes I can't be around people, and I (still) have a hard time asking for help.
I live my life by an objective and evolving personal manifesto for my own place in the new gender revolution.
In my mind, everyone is separated into people who think rape is ok, and people who don't. Also, we elected a president who thinks rape is ok. Also, the margin for thinking rape is ok has gotten bigger.
Dating is fun and interesting, I guess.
Being rejected hurts like, “did I cross a boundary?” And it all comes back.
Peacefulness is a perfect state.
I have to tell the truth, and hear it too.
40(a). What shows / concerts did you attend?
40(b). Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I’m Walking The Dog, by Webb Pierce:
I'm walking the dog and I'm never blue
I'm walking the dog, I ain't thinkin' bout you
Don't need no one to tie me down
I'm walking the dog and I'm paintin' the town
Such an easy life, I never knew
Until the day that I left you
Well, I'm a carefree lad that's seen the light
I'm walking the dog, all the day and all night
Well, I'm full of pep, I just can't grow old
I got a one track mind, so I've been told
But I'm fancy free, I don't worry no how
And I'm walking the dog all the law allow
Such an easy life, I never knew
I can't believe it's really true
Well, I'm a carefree lad that's seen the light
And I'm walking the dog all the day and all night