2013 Year in Review--subject to edit
1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
I don’t think I really did anything new.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My primary resolution was to get rid of the mold in my life. I had been so, so sick. My house and my car were both filled with mold. So I moved! And I got a new car! Yay autonomy!
My resolution for 2014 is to practice more self-care. I don’t prioritize it enough, but when I do, I notice a difference. Whether it’s aesthetic care (facials, teeth-bleaching), bodily care (massage, chiropracty, exercise, moderate drinking), mental care (mindfulness meditation, regular sleep), I want to make sure I’m caring for myself.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I’m aware of.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada (Montreal - August 4 - 11)
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A loving, happy, long-term relationship. Hard to think of anything else. This is so important to me. I was so goddamned lonely this year. I want it more than anything else. A college degree is a close second. There's a possibility I'll be finished a year from now. I think I'll get an iPad for Christmas. Maybe another diamond ring or a floating opal necklace. A nice mid-century furniture piece. And then the same things as ever. A running scooter and savings. Some original art.
Well, no happy, loving relationship to speak of, though the dysfunctional one I was in lasted for more than 6 months, which is sort of long-term given my dating history.
No college degree to speak of. But I’m close. So, so, close. I did get an iPad, but no fancy jewelry. I got a few nice mid-century pieces, including a dresser, a Danish made kitchen table, and 4 dining chairs. My scooter ran long enough to take on a 30 minute ride, though it is far from being a daily rider. Still needs work, titling, etc. My savings has dwindled, but Ismael did give me two small paintings while we were dating, so I have some original art.
I’m working on problem solving. Accumulating the gizmos and gadgets that will make my life easier, like small appliances. Nothing in particular; just when those moments strike when I think to myself “It would sure make my life easier if I had a ________,” to go out and buy those items. Often times they are trifling purchases. Like a hand mixer, for example. Trying to make angel food cake by hand was a fiasco without one. I’m really into the idea of tools - hand tools, emotional, social, psychological, and cognitive tools. Tools make life easier. Tools make the world easier to navigate. I want to add lots of tools to my literal and figurative “toolkit.”
I WILL have a college degree by the end of 2014.
I have been slowly revamping my wardrobe, getting rid of the items I don’t wear and the cheaply constructed clothing and replacing them with quality constructed clothes that are either made in the USA or other country not known to use unethical labor practices, or otherwise are thrifted / second hand.
As far as less superficial things go, I am working toward peace. Peace of mind. Like my wardrobe, I’d like to cull, prune, and winnow my group of friends to include only the people who mean the very most to me, and to work on nurturing those relationships.
I'd like a folding bicycle and a watch. I became obsessed with the idea of a folding bike last year and nearly bought one, when I banged up the Falcon and the repair cost almost exactly the same amount as the bike that I wanted.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None immediately spring to mind.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maintaining my 4.0 GPA. Finishing my Statistics course with a 97 percent. Writing 109 pages of academic material between 3 classes in the Fall semester, based on hundreds -if not in the thousands - of pages of reading, while also working. Showing agency; taking action. Moving out of my moldy apartment, buying a new car, and generally making things happen.
I’m also proud of myself for refurbishing some old, MCM chairs! They look amazing! And while I didn’t handle the entire project myself, I handled enough of it to be filled with pride every time I stand back and admire them.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I’m pretty disappointed in myself for having dropped a summer class I was taking. I didn’t give myself enough time to complete the assignments, I missed a major test, and didn’t want to risk damaging my GPA or, worse, failing the class (if I had decided to take a pass / fail option). It was my fault almost entirely (although the teacher wasn’t flexible at all), and I lost all the money on the course - more than $1,000 bones. Consequences.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I returned from London on January 3 of last year with the Norovirus, spent the evening vomiting, and was forced to call out of work the next day. I was sick a few other times this year, too, but nothing like compared to the last couple of years when I was living in that godawful, moldy apartment! It was certain death. I had a pretty bad sickness a couple of months ago - the body achy kind, but it didn’t last long.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My dining table and chairs! I often marvel at the importance of gathering around a meal, and now I have a comfortable place to do just that. I have never owned a dining table at any of my previous places, although the previous tenants at my last apartment had left behind a hideous table with two equally hideous chairs. Despite their hideousness, I spent a lot of time there. At that point I realized that I desperately needed a dining table and chairs at my next place. Now I have a beautiful teak, Danish-made dining table.
My dresser and matched mirror is also beautiful and handy.
Also, my new glasses from Warby Parker.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one leaps to mind.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jerry. He was so completely non-communicative about his feelings to the point of being misleading and dishonest. He’d reassure me that everything was fine, but his actions were an indication to the contrary. His inability to communicate meant that I wasted my whole February vacation at home in the hopes that we’d get out of town together, though I suspect he knew all along that he’d be too busy / disinclined to take a trip with me. On my last day of “vacation,” a Sunday, he stood me up and sent me an e-mail insisting that I was right, we must break up, as if it were my decision.
Ismael. Manipulative, misogynistic, closed-minded. Held me to a double-standard. In a healthy relationship, no one has the right to use sex as a bargaining tool, isolate the other from friends and family, or to pressure the other to give up interests and goals. Ismael did all of these things.
14. Where did most of your money go?
School. Ugh. And I’m so sick of seeing so much money go toward school. Rent. My current apartment costs $1,150 / month in rent, not counting utilities. I was hoping to put off buying a car until the end of the year, when I had also hoped to be done with school. But I went ahead and bought a new car (a Honda Fit) in July. Apart from that, I suppose my money went toward Montreal, paying off my disastrous London trip over New Year’s last year, new furniture, the expense of movers, and a couple of jaunts up to NYC.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving. My new apartment. New furniture. Montreal. Family reunion and my [failed, disastrous] puppet show.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
- Richard Hawley (especially the song “Naked In Pittsmoor”
- Yo La Tengo (especially “Stockholm Syndrome” and “Tried So Hard”)
- Françoise Hardy - Comment Te Dire Adieu
- Old mix CD from Gabe
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
ii. thinner or fatter?
Same.
iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer. I dipped into savings QUITE a bit this year. Mostly to pay for school, but also to pay for moving expenses, new furniture, and a down payment on my new car.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Asserting myself.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Putting up with Ismael.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas I had a slow morning, then went to my dad’s girlfriend’s house in Arlington for dinner with her, her 84-year-old grandmother, her 19?-year-old daughter who is transitioning to be a male, and her 22-year-old, severely disabled son. We sat around chatting. It was nice.
Then I went to Bryan Lim’s house on Doubleday Drive. First time I’d seen him in 4 or 5 years. He looked thin, frail, hollow. We sat in dining chairs, side by side, holding hands, crying, laughing.
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Worked, then dinner at Helmand - Julia, Cassie, Johnny, Leslie, Jim, John, and Bryan, at the last minute. Bryan and I spent the turn of the calendar year sitting in my car outside of my house, talking, hugging, crying.
22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
I loved Ismael, but I wasn’t “in love” with him, as they say. I am trying to understand my feelings for Bryan. I have always loved him, but I am starting to feel as though I might be “in love” with him.
23. How many one-night stands?
One. With Marcus, a guy I met when I rejoined Match. He cooked a terrible cous cous dinner at his Rockville apartment (it took him more than an hour to prepare and there was hardly anything to it; it was terribly bland, the steak was overcooked and dry and the vegetables undercooked and hard). I cringed at the music that came up on his shuffle while I drank wine, waiting and waiting for dinner. We made out and I stayed the night; in the morning as I was leaving we started to make out again and then he led me back into his bedroom (which sort of looked like a college student’s room, and not the room of a father to a 10-year-old girl). He disappeared into his walk-in closet to put on a condom, which also seemed to take an extraordinarily long time, and then we had sex. The funniest / most tragic part of the whole story is how little we communicated in the week that following, and then I received the most RIDICULOUS letter in the mail, which basically said “Thanks for the hookup. I really needed that. Have a nice life,” its message somewhat convoluted by tidy cursive penmanship and languid poeticism and yet still markedly crass and to-the-point. The greatest twist is when he contacted me months later to tell me that he thinks of me fondly, and often. I barely acknowledged it.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
N/A
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, don’t think so.
26. What was the best book you read?
Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Did I make any this in 2013? Don’t think that I did.
28. What did you want and get?
New car, new apartment.
29. What did you want and not get?
Plenty, I’m sure.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Didn’t see any. New ones, that is. I watched Life Is Beautiful, though, and loved it.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
27. Ismael arrived with a cake (“Feliz cumple Raquel!”) and a wrapped gift - a painting of two rabbits riding a S1 Lambretta. My family came over (+ Candy) and we walked in the drizzle over to Gertrude’s in the BMA for brunch. Crab benedicts and cocktails. Exited via the sculpture garden, chatted in my apartment. I may have taken a nap, and then I had to finish a paper.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Love.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
“Poor student with expensive tastes trying to make the best of her wardrobe which is vast, yet seemingly scant given that she selectively dons a mere a fraction of the garments she owns.”
Mostly black. Grew out my bangs. Some unusual lime crime lip colours. Nothing too fancy. Was too busy, and I hate most of my clothes. Working to change that.
34. What kept you sane?
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kate Middleton. Kristin McMenamy.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
37. Who did you miss?
Bryan Lim. And now he’s back.
Jerry. Once we broke up, I though about him almost daily.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013?
Something I thought a lot about this year is how being “American” is such an integral part of my identity. I had always been disgusted by many aspects of American culture. I feel as though I more strongly identify with some other countries’ politics / lifestyles. I imagined living as an ex-pat somewhere. I’ve had dalliances with men of other nationalities, but never anything serious. It wasn’t until I dated Ismael that I began to realize how the reality of dating the “exotic other” is not as rosy as I’d imagined it to be.
40(a). What shows / concerts did you attend?
The big ones that come to mind are New Order in July at Merriweather and Belle and Sebastian (also at Merriweather) in June. The Flamin’ Groovies at U Street Music Hall in the fall. Saw Tosca at the Lyric. Johnny Marr at Ram’s Head Live in November.
40(b). Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
It’ll come to me.
I don’t think I really did anything new.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My primary resolution was to get rid of the mold in my life. I had been so, so sick. My house and my car were both filled with mold. So I moved! And I got a new car! Yay autonomy!
My resolution for 2014 is to practice more self-care. I don’t prioritize it enough, but when I do, I notice a difference. Whether it’s aesthetic care (facials, teeth-bleaching), bodily care (massage, chiropracty, exercise, moderate drinking), mental care (mindfulness meditation, regular sleep), I want to make sure I’m caring for myself.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I’m aware of.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada (Montreal - August 4 - 11)
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A loving, happy, long-term relationship. Hard to think of anything else. This is so important to me. I was so goddamned lonely this year. I want it more than anything else. A college degree is a close second. There's a possibility I'll be finished a year from now. I think I'll get an iPad for Christmas. Maybe another diamond ring or a floating opal necklace. A nice mid-century furniture piece. And then the same things as ever. A running scooter and savings. Some original art.
Well, no happy, loving relationship to speak of, though the dysfunctional one I was in lasted for more than 6 months, which is sort of long-term given my dating history.
No college degree to speak of. But I’m close. So, so, close. I did get an iPad, but no fancy jewelry. I got a few nice mid-century pieces, including a dresser, a Danish made kitchen table, and 4 dining chairs. My scooter ran long enough to take on a 30 minute ride, though it is far from being a daily rider. Still needs work, titling, etc. My savings has dwindled, but Ismael did give me two small paintings while we were dating, so I have some original art.
I’m working on problem solving. Accumulating the gizmos and gadgets that will make my life easier, like small appliances. Nothing in particular; just when those moments strike when I think to myself “It would sure make my life easier if I had a ________,” to go out and buy those items. Often times they are trifling purchases. Like a hand mixer, for example. Trying to make angel food cake by hand was a fiasco without one. I’m really into the idea of tools - hand tools, emotional, social, psychological, and cognitive tools. Tools make life easier. Tools make the world easier to navigate. I want to add lots of tools to my literal and figurative “toolkit.”
I WILL have a college degree by the end of 2014.
I have been slowly revamping my wardrobe, getting rid of the items I don’t wear and the cheaply constructed clothing and replacing them with quality constructed clothes that are either made in the USA or other country not known to use unethical labor practices, or otherwise are thrifted / second hand.
As far as less superficial things go, I am working toward peace. Peace of mind. Like my wardrobe, I’d like to cull, prune, and winnow my group of friends to include only the people who mean the very most to me, and to work on nurturing those relationships.
I'd like a folding bicycle and a watch. I became obsessed with the idea of a folding bike last year and nearly bought one, when I banged up the Falcon and the repair cost almost exactly the same amount as the bike that I wanted.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None immediately spring to mind.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maintaining my 4.0 GPA. Finishing my Statistics course with a 97 percent. Writing 109 pages of academic material between 3 classes in the Fall semester, based on hundreds -if not in the thousands - of pages of reading, while also working. Showing agency; taking action. Moving out of my moldy apartment, buying a new car, and generally making things happen.
I’m also proud of myself for refurbishing some old, MCM chairs! They look amazing! And while I didn’t handle the entire project myself, I handled enough of it to be filled with pride every time I stand back and admire them.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I’m pretty disappointed in myself for having dropped a summer class I was taking. I didn’t give myself enough time to complete the assignments, I missed a major test, and didn’t want to risk damaging my GPA or, worse, failing the class (if I had decided to take a pass / fail option). It was my fault almost entirely (although the teacher wasn’t flexible at all), and I lost all the money on the course - more than $1,000 bones. Consequences.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I returned from London on January 3 of last year with the Norovirus, spent the evening vomiting, and was forced to call out of work the next day. I was sick a few other times this year, too, but nothing like compared to the last couple of years when I was living in that godawful, moldy apartment! It was certain death. I had a pretty bad sickness a couple of months ago - the body achy kind, but it didn’t last long.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My dining table and chairs! I often marvel at the importance of gathering around a meal, and now I have a comfortable place to do just that. I have never owned a dining table at any of my previous places, although the previous tenants at my last apartment had left behind a hideous table with two equally hideous chairs. Despite their hideousness, I spent a lot of time there. At that point I realized that I desperately needed a dining table and chairs at my next place. Now I have a beautiful teak, Danish-made dining table.
My dresser and matched mirror is also beautiful and handy.
Also, my new glasses from Warby Parker.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one leaps to mind.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jerry. He was so completely non-communicative about his feelings to the point of being misleading and dishonest. He’d reassure me that everything was fine, but his actions were an indication to the contrary. His inability to communicate meant that I wasted my whole February vacation at home in the hopes that we’d get out of town together, though I suspect he knew all along that he’d be too busy / disinclined to take a trip with me. On my last day of “vacation,” a Sunday, he stood me up and sent me an e-mail insisting that I was right, we must break up, as if it were my decision.
Ismael. Manipulative, misogynistic, closed-minded. Held me to a double-standard. In a healthy relationship, no one has the right to use sex as a bargaining tool, isolate the other from friends and family, or to pressure the other to give up interests and goals. Ismael did all of these things.
14. Where did most of your money go?
School. Ugh. And I’m so sick of seeing so much money go toward school. Rent. My current apartment costs $1,150 / month in rent, not counting utilities. I was hoping to put off buying a car until the end of the year, when I had also hoped to be done with school. But I went ahead and bought a new car (a Honda Fit) in July. Apart from that, I suppose my money went toward Montreal, paying off my disastrous London trip over New Year’s last year, new furniture, the expense of movers, and a couple of jaunts up to NYC.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving. My new apartment. New furniture. Montreal. Family reunion and my [failed, disastrous] puppet show.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
- Richard Hawley (especially the song “Naked In Pittsmoor”
- Yo La Tengo (especially “Stockholm Syndrome” and “Tried So Hard”)
- Françoise Hardy - Comment Te Dire Adieu
- Old mix CD from Gabe
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
ii. thinner or fatter?
Same.
iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer. I dipped into savings QUITE a bit this year. Mostly to pay for school, but also to pay for moving expenses, new furniture, and a down payment on my new car.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Asserting myself.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Putting up with Ismael.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas I had a slow morning, then went to my dad’s girlfriend’s house in Arlington for dinner with her, her 84-year-old grandmother, her 19?-year-old daughter who is transitioning to be a male, and her 22-year-old, severely disabled son. We sat around chatting. It was nice.
Then I went to Bryan Lim’s house on Doubleday Drive. First time I’d seen him in 4 or 5 years. He looked thin, frail, hollow. We sat in dining chairs, side by side, holding hands, crying, laughing.
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Worked, then dinner at Helmand - Julia, Cassie, Johnny, Leslie, Jim, John, and Bryan, at the last minute. Bryan and I spent the turn of the calendar year sitting in my car outside of my house, talking, hugging, crying.
22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
I loved Ismael, but I wasn’t “in love” with him, as they say. I am trying to understand my feelings for Bryan. I have always loved him, but I am starting to feel as though I might be “in love” with him.
23. How many one-night stands?
One. With Marcus, a guy I met when I rejoined Match. He cooked a terrible cous cous dinner at his Rockville apartment (it took him more than an hour to prepare and there was hardly anything to it; it was terribly bland, the steak was overcooked and dry and the vegetables undercooked and hard). I cringed at the music that came up on his shuffle while I drank wine, waiting and waiting for dinner. We made out and I stayed the night; in the morning as I was leaving we started to make out again and then he led me back into his bedroom (which sort of looked like a college student’s room, and not the room of a father to a 10-year-old girl). He disappeared into his walk-in closet to put on a condom, which also seemed to take an extraordinarily long time, and then we had sex. The funniest / most tragic part of the whole story is how little we communicated in the week that following, and then I received the most RIDICULOUS letter in the mail, which basically said “Thanks for the hookup. I really needed that. Have a nice life,” its message somewhat convoluted by tidy cursive penmanship and languid poeticism and yet still markedly crass and to-the-point. The greatest twist is when he contacted me months later to tell me that he thinks of me fondly, and often. I barely acknowledged it.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
N/A
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, don’t think so.
26. What was the best book you read?
Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Did I make any this in 2013? Don’t think that I did.
28. What did you want and get?
New car, new apartment.
29. What did you want and not get?
Plenty, I’m sure.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Didn’t see any. New ones, that is. I watched Life Is Beautiful, though, and loved it.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
27. Ismael arrived with a cake (“Feliz cumple Raquel!”) and a wrapped gift - a painting of two rabbits riding a S1 Lambretta. My family came over (+ Candy) and we walked in the drizzle over to Gertrude’s in the BMA for brunch. Crab benedicts and cocktails. Exited via the sculpture garden, chatted in my apartment. I may have taken a nap, and then I had to finish a paper.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Love.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
“Poor student with expensive tastes trying to make the best of her wardrobe which is vast, yet seemingly scant given that she selectively dons a mere a fraction of the garments she owns.”
Mostly black. Grew out my bangs. Some unusual lime crime lip colours. Nothing too fancy. Was too busy, and I hate most of my clothes. Working to change that.
34. What kept you sane?
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kate Middleton. Kristin McMenamy.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
37. Who did you miss?
Bryan Lim. And now he’s back.
Jerry. Once we broke up, I though about him almost daily.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013?
Something I thought a lot about this year is how being “American” is such an integral part of my identity. I had always been disgusted by many aspects of American culture. I feel as though I more strongly identify with some other countries’ politics / lifestyles. I imagined living as an ex-pat somewhere. I’ve had dalliances with men of other nationalities, but never anything serious. It wasn’t until I dated Ismael that I began to realize how the reality of dating the “exotic other” is not as rosy as I’d imagined it to be.
40(a). What shows / concerts did you attend?
The big ones that come to mind are New Order in July at Merriweather and Belle and Sebastian (also at Merriweather) in June. The Flamin’ Groovies at U Street Music Hall in the fall. Saw Tosca at the Lyric. Johnny Marr at Ram’s Head Live in November.
40(b). Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
It’ll come to me.