four.
have been thinking a bit recently. so here are four main people who have been running around in my head. wouldn't take long to guess who they are. don't tell anyone if you know, though.
this one is distant.
we used to be such good friends, we did almost everything together, spent all the time in school together, explored places i never did. talking to you was almost like compaining to, joking around with, angsting with or plotting with a dear sibling. any form of communication we had was accompanied with a hearty bout of laughter, an inward smile. we supported each other, and each understood the other in ways no one else could. we made our mistakes, achieved our targets, lived our lives.
(i was up on the roof crying once, and you were the first one to come up and talk without second guessing where i was)
but now you're a stranger, gone off somewhere, personality morphing into something so frightening and so unrecognisable i don't even know who you are anymore. our exchanges are half-hearted, restrained, even a little hostile. you are different now, more like another person than who you used to be. i've lost you.
this one, i would keep, only if it chooses to keep me.
this one is a child.
we were once close, we once shared something, we learned. i helped you grow up a little, to the best of my abilities, i thought you befriended me for who i was. we went on, sharing our lives with each other, making promises we knew we'd never keep, making mistakes we knew we'd regret, making the friendship we had last. i enjoyed every ounce of reliance on me, and in turn i relied back on you. we made each other happy, and that's all that mattered. we thought the world was ours for the taking, we thought we knew what it really meant. i taught you things about yourself you never knew about, and in doing so, you helped me discover myself in return.
(i travelled over to where you were, and you passed me those little boxes to be opened day by day while you were gone)
now you've moved on, being the person you are, a fashion fanatic hungrily chasing after the next fad, hurriedly discarding old garments to spend away on the next new designs. i realise we never knew what it really meant. but i was glad to have been your stepping stone. i'm glad i made a difference. but even now, you haven't changed a bit. different direction now, but still not a bit. disappointment, and emptiness.
this one, i will not, will not keep.
this one is here.
although distant, like the first. we are both single souls, separated from the rest, and we know it. we used to stay together with the first one, we used to do all kinds of things, we used to dream of great things. i never thought we'd be that close. i left you alone in the many things you did so often, wishing to advise you at a later time, and carried on with my own life. we were friends, you and i.
(we sat near the water, talking about the things we had been through that the other had as well. you understood, i understood)
but now you're a pillar standing firm for me, the only person i can actually talk to. you are scared and confused by the same things that i am distressed by. you understand. we reason with each other, sharing the burden of loneliness, each wondering what exactly is going to happen next. you are my link to the rest of the others, you are the one person i'd choose to talk to, you are the only one left. and for being here, i thank you.
this one, i choose to keep.
this one is fading.
i've always wanted to say i'm sorry. we played our own little games, shared our sorrows, our pains. i wanted to take care of you, to make sure you were okay every single day, i knew who you were, i knew how weak you were inside, i knew how the world was crushing you to pieces. i didn't like to see you suffer at your own hands, i hated when you were dissatisfied, angry, disappointed in yourself. you always told me to not give up, and i told you the same.
(four years ago we made a promise to each other, we said we'd work hard, we took a gamble and grabbed the last tickets onto that train.)
i made a mistake, i wounded you, now you're far away and i wonder if you're alive.
i'm sorry. i want us to play our own little games, share our sorrows, our pains. i want to take care of you, to make sure you were okay every single day, i know who you are, i know how weak you are inside, i know how the world is crushing you to pieces. i don't like to see you suffer at your own hands, i hate when you are dissatisfied, angry, disappointed in yourself. you always told me to not give up, and i'm now telling you the same.
don't give up. and also know that i am here for you, no matter where you are. you might not even remember me, but know that i am, again, sorry for the stupid things i did, and that i'm still here. i know, for sure, that you are a friend.
this one, i choose to keep.
and back and forth we sway like branches in a storm,
change the weather, still together when it ends
this one is distant.
we used to be such good friends, we did almost everything together, spent all the time in school together, explored places i never did. talking to you was almost like compaining to, joking around with, angsting with or plotting with a dear sibling. any form of communication we had was accompanied with a hearty bout of laughter, an inward smile. we supported each other, and each understood the other in ways no one else could. we made our mistakes, achieved our targets, lived our lives.
(i was up on the roof crying once, and you were the first one to come up and talk without second guessing where i was)
but now you're a stranger, gone off somewhere, personality morphing into something so frightening and so unrecognisable i don't even know who you are anymore. our exchanges are half-hearted, restrained, even a little hostile. you are different now, more like another person than who you used to be. i've lost you.
this one, i would keep, only if it chooses to keep me.
this one is a child.
we were once close, we once shared something, we learned. i helped you grow up a little, to the best of my abilities, i thought you befriended me for who i was. we went on, sharing our lives with each other, making promises we knew we'd never keep, making mistakes we knew we'd regret, making the friendship we had last. i enjoyed every ounce of reliance on me, and in turn i relied back on you. we made each other happy, and that's all that mattered. we thought the world was ours for the taking, we thought we knew what it really meant. i taught you things about yourself you never knew about, and in doing so, you helped me discover myself in return.
(i travelled over to where you were, and you passed me those little boxes to be opened day by day while you were gone)
now you've moved on, being the person you are, a fashion fanatic hungrily chasing after the next fad, hurriedly discarding old garments to spend away on the next new designs. i realise we never knew what it really meant. but i was glad to have been your stepping stone. i'm glad i made a difference. but even now, you haven't changed a bit. different direction now, but still not a bit. disappointment, and emptiness.
this one, i will not, will not keep.
this one is here.
although distant, like the first. we are both single souls, separated from the rest, and we know it. we used to stay together with the first one, we used to do all kinds of things, we used to dream of great things. i never thought we'd be that close. i left you alone in the many things you did so often, wishing to advise you at a later time, and carried on with my own life. we were friends, you and i.
(we sat near the water, talking about the things we had been through that the other had as well. you understood, i understood)
but now you're a pillar standing firm for me, the only person i can actually talk to. you are scared and confused by the same things that i am distressed by. you understand. we reason with each other, sharing the burden of loneliness, each wondering what exactly is going to happen next. you are my link to the rest of the others, you are the one person i'd choose to talk to, you are the only one left. and for being here, i thank you.
this one, i choose to keep.
this one is fading.
i've always wanted to say i'm sorry. we played our own little games, shared our sorrows, our pains. i wanted to take care of you, to make sure you were okay every single day, i knew who you were, i knew how weak you were inside, i knew how the world was crushing you to pieces. i didn't like to see you suffer at your own hands, i hated when you were dissatisfied, angry, disappointed in yourself. you always told me to not give up, and i told you the same.
(four years ago we made a promise to each other, we said we'd work hard, we took a gamble and grabbed the last tickets onto that train.)
i made a mistake, i wounded you, now you're far away and i wonder if you're alive.
i'm sorry. i want us to play our own little games, share our sorrows, our pains. i want to take care of you, to make sure you were okay every single day, i know who you are, i know how weak you are inside, i know how the world is crushing you to pieces. i don't like to see you suffer at your own hands, i hate when you are dissatisfied, angry, disappointed in yourself. you always told me to not give up, and i'm now telling you the same.
don't give up. and also know that i am here for you, no matter where you are. you might not even remember me, but know that i am, again, sorry for the stupid things i did, and that i'm still here. i know, for sure, that you are a friend.
this one, i choose to keep.
and back and forth we sway like branches in a storm,
change the weather, still together when it ends