Cheese sandwich enumerations.
There are three dimensions of cheese sandwiches: Bread carbonization method, cheese meltedness, and bread symmetry. Of the 12 possible combinations of these states, it is hereby proclaimed that only the following four are valid:
Untoasted bread, unmelted cheese, bread-symmetrical. plain old Cheese Sandwich
The bane of many a schoolkid, this plain old sandwich is what one resorts to when the sandwich won't be eaten hot, and requires little more preparation time than actually slicing cheese. Unless you add vegemite or tomatoes. Owing to portability concerns this is generally a 2-slices of bread sandwich. (Warning: vegemite is only a valid secondary addition when there is no bread carbonization or cheese meltedness, and is pretty suspect on assymetrical sandwiches as well).
Toasted bread, unmelted cheese, bread-assymetrical. Toasted Cheese Sandwich
A queer variaton of the cheese melt for those who would seemingly insist that bread being toasted on both sides is more important than cheese melting. I generally only try this one out for variety purposes myself. One toasts one's bread, and while that's going, slice the cheese. Place the resulting slices on the toast. Garnish with pepper and sliced tomato. This seemed to be a breakfast favourite of my grandfather Ted. The resulting sandwiches use one slice of bread.
Toasted bread, melted cheese, bread assymetrical. Cheese Melt
This is the paragon of délices composé de fromage et du pain, yet it still requires very little preparation time. Bread is toasted on one side with melted cheese on the other. Perfected with freshly ground black pepper before subjecting to heat radiation. The radiative energy transfer distinguishes this elegant pinnacle of binary food group fusion from the grilled cheese sandwich. This sandwich is also bread-assymetrical, but making two is generally preferred. Uncultured brutes are likely to slam the two halves together, muttering excuses like "I must complete the sandwich", but this argument frankly is barmy. Only a complete nitwit would fail to want to behold the pepper-splattered surface of molten cheese, complete with very small areas where the cheese is just on the edge of starting to brown itself. Those in democratic countries who routinely ignore such artistry place our civilization in peril.
Fried bread, melted cheese, bread symmetrical. Grilled Cheese Sandwich
This crunchy butter delivery device differs drastically from its predecessors both in complexity of construction, method, and time to cook. Generally unknown outside of the U.S., the grilled cheese sandwich is an ambitious undertaking which may take several attempts to perfect. Nevertheless it is worth persisting with this dish, which generally requires two slices of bread to be buttered on both sides, sandwiched with cheese between, and cooked in a frying pan until golden brown. Not too hot, or the bread will blacken before the cheese melts. A quick, completely biased survey of one person revealed that although the grilled cheese sandwich is pretty tasty, it isn't significantly tastier than the cheese melt to be considered worth the significant additional effort and washing up afterwards.
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So there you have it. Next week: fascinating ways to boil water.
Untoasted bread, unmelted cheese, bread-symmetrical. plain old Cheese Sandwich
The bane of many a schoolkid, this plain old sandwich is what one resorts to when the sandwich won't be eaten hot, and requires little more preparation time than actually slicing cheese. Unless you add vegemite or tomatoes. Owing to portability concerns this is generally a 2-slices of bread sandwich. (Warning: vegemite is only a valid secondary addition when there is no bread carbonization or cheese meltedness, and is pretty suspect on assymetrical sandwiches as well).
Toasted bread, unmelted cheese, bread-assymetrical. Toasted Cheese Sandwich
A queer variaton of the cheese melt for those who would seemingly insist that bread being toasted on both sides is more important than cheese melting. I generally only try this one out for variety purposes myself. One toasts one's bread, and while that's going, slice the cheese. Place the resulting slices on the toast. Garnish with pepper and sliced tomato. This seemed to be a breakfast favourite of my grandfather Ted. The resulting sandwiches use one slice of bread.
Toasted bread, melted cheese, bread assymetrical. Cheese Melt
This is the paragon of délices composé de fromage et du pain, yet it still requires very little preparation time. Bread is toasted on one side with melted cheese on the other. Perfected with freshly ground black pepper before subjecting to heat radiation. The radiative energy transfer distinguishes this elegant pinnacle of binary food group fusion from the grilled cheese sandwich. This sandwich is also bread-assymetrical, but making two is generally preferred. Uncultured brutes are likely to slam the two halves together, muttering excuses like "I must complete the sandwich", but this argument frankly is barmy. Only a complete nitwit would fail to want to behold the pepper-splattered surface of molten cheese, complete with very small areas where the cheese is just on the edge of starting to brown itself. Those in democratic countries who routinely ignore such artistry place our civilization in peril.
Fried bread, melted cheese, bread symmetrical. Grilled Cheese Sandwich
This crunchy butter delivery device differs drastically from its predecessors both in complexity of construction, method, and time to cook. Generally unknown outside of the U.S., the grilled cheese sandwich is an ambitious undertaking which may take several attempts to perfect. Nevertheless it is worth persisting with this dish, which generally requires two slices of bread to be buttered on both sides, sandwiched with cheese between, and cooked in a frying pan until golden brown. Not too hot, or the bread will blacken before the cheese melts. A quick, completely biased survey of one person revealed that although the grilled cheese sandwich is pretty tasty, it isn't significantly tastier than the cheese melt to be considered worth the significant additional effort and washing up afterwards.
-
So there you have it. Next week: fascinating ways to boil water.