Things
Sometimes, Tumblr.
Sometimes.
Lots of things have happened lately. Today, I got my admissions letter from U of O (holy shit that was fast) and apparently I got a scholarship? That I didn't apply for? And I don't know how much these things normally go for but, like, I think I made my mom almost cry so that was good. That made me happy.
I had a really good appointment with my psychiatrist the other day. I talked to her about the Borderline Personality Disorder thing and she didn't accuse me of self-diagnosing at all. She was really proud of me, actually, I think. She says I definitely have a lot of the traits of the disorder and hopefully if I start working on therapy for it now (it was a special type of therapy related to cognitive behavioral therapy, it started with a D? I wrote it down but I forget it now; I'll research it when I have more time) I'll be able to kind of rewire my brain so I don't actually have the disorder by the time my frontal lobes are fully developed. That was really validating, especially after the Ms. Therapist fiasco.
The finding-out-I'm-anemic thing was also strangely validating. I've been REALLY tired lately, and really low--like, sleeping-18-hours-a-day tired, and that's really hard and also FUCKING SCARY because not having enough energy to even get up and shower and eat means I really AM NOT in control of my body and that's just terrifying. And I thought it was just my depression making me feel like that, or maybe I was just that full of fail and lack of willpower and weakness and that made me feel pretty crappy, and it was, again, really scary because if it was the depression then it was just one more thing that make it this big huge monster I'm never going to get control over ever. But anemia really WILL make you that dizzy and tired and unable to exercise (another thing I was beating myself up about because holy shit, I'm not in GREAT shape but I used to be able to run for more than two minutes without wanting to pass out) and it really WILL make it that hard to concentrate and it really WILL make it easier for you to get sick, which explains my rapidly deteriorating ability to fight off sickness. So basically knowing that THIS IS A FIXABLE THING is a huge relief.
Now I have a paper to write on the correlation between childhood abuse and antisocial personality disorder. Also I want more chicken broth. Should make some of that.
Cheerio.
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T