Hey, LJ, It's been a while.
About, what, six months? Seven? A long time, in any case. It's 2015 now and, I figure, as good a time as any to hop back on board the old LJ train.
Exactly a week ago today I walked into 2015, not so much welcoming it with open arms as herding it bodily into the house, frantically yelling, "Come in, come in!" and nearly catching 2014 on the ass as I slammed the door behind it. 2014 wasn't, to say the least, a great year for me--No, scratch that, 2014 really sucked. Save for the wonderful week I spent with dragonarya in May, one meeting that had been four years in the making and that was, in the words of Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way," I can't really think of anything about 2014 that I could conceivably call a saving grace. To recap:
However! No longer being sick, with an infusion treatment on Friday, the previously mentioned night behind us and having accquired many lovely items on the wonderful holiday known as Christmas (including but not limited to a hand made wire tree, a Frozen poster and mugs, a warm knitted hat with a massive pompom and a large stuffed alpaca in a bowler hat named Shiro-chan, as well as a picture frame with the word 'love' on the bottom that I cried upon recieving because it had my favourite picture in the world displayed) I am definitely looking forward to the rest of 2015. It's that wonderful time of year where the possibilities are endless, because there hasn't been enough time for the year to have accquired any disappointments and all your favourite milestone have yet to be passed by. I, for instance, am turning 18 this year, which means I will no longer be a minor. This lends a special sort of brightness to a day I normally don't look forward to--I'll be an adult! I'll be able to vote! And buy lottery tickets! And drink in Quebec! (and possibly Alberta!) And get tattoos, and piercings that no piercer worth their salt would be willing to do on a minor! Ah, the smell of freedom. Or maybe that's the smell of the cleaning chemicals I left soaking on the microwave, because I made a spectacularly stupid decision earlier and put a plastic bottle of honey in for two minutes to heat up, and it kind of exploded. Just a little bit. I should probably go take care of that.
This week has been good. I've written letters and gotten a start on some thank-you notes, which has reminded me that I love writing, the physical act of it and the creativity; the feeling of keyboard or pen or pencil at my fingertips and bending to my will. I haven't done much of it in the past year, but that, like many things, is something I hope will change. I'm hoping to remember to take my myriad of supplements more frequently, and hoping that the Crohn's will finally get under control. I'm hoping to finish the last four courses I need to get my high school diploma and be headed off to University by the fall, and I'm hoping this current bout of insomnia will end rather soon, because the subsequent shakes and giddiness, not to mention the weird hours, are really quite annoying. I'm also hoping that in the future, I will remember to shut the door properly, because earlier this morning after I had left to drop some of the aforementioned letters off at the mailbox and subsequently returned, legs nearly numb and a fresh coat of ice on my glasses (because I live in Canada and it's Really Fucking Cold) and pondering how much of a recluse it made me if that was the first time I'd left the house in two weeks, and if it was possible to slowly work yourself from a state that was 'reclusive' to 'agorophobic', I guess I was too caught up in my fears of becoming a shut-in to make sure the door had clicked? And then a few minutes later a rather forceful gust of wind came by, and the door flew open, and it startled my dog so much that she didn't even try and make a break for freedom but I really don't want to count on that happening the next time. Anywho, I got it shut again (properly this time) in a timely fashion, and I guess where I was going with this is that between the honey and the door and the ice on my glasses and the insomnia, it's been a rather eventful morning.
I'm not sure I exactly want the rest of 2015 to be like this, but if it is, I'm not sure I would exactly mind.
Anyways. I'm off for now, because I really should go clean the microwave, but (fingers crossed!) I should be back soon. I'm not sure what I'll be writing about, exactly, but hopefully there'll be something. I leave you with my favourite quote ever written, fittingly by one of my favourite people in the universe, which I hope to get tattooed on me at some point in the hopefully near future and which seems fitting of my mindset in its implications of freedom and new beginnings:
"My heart is upon a precipice, overlooking this grey city, screaming at the top of its lungs: I don't care!"
(dragonarya)
Adieu!
Exactly a week ago today I walked into 2015, not so much welcoming it with open arms as herding it bodily into the house, frantically yelling, "Come in, come in!" and nearly catching 2014 on the ass as I slammed the door behind it. 2014 wasn't, to say the least, a great year for me--No, scratch that, 2014 really sucked. Save for the wonderful week I spent with dragonarya in May, one meeting that had been four years in the making and that was, in the words of Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way," I can't really think of anything about 2014 that I could conceivably call a saving grace. To recap:
- I got sick. Really sick. So sick that I had to start taking courses at home, in the first semester of grade 12, and was in therapy more frequently than I had been since I was about 13. I also lost a ton of weight, and to my utter vexation, none of my pants fit.
- Found out I am anemic.
- Found out I supposedly 'failed' a course. This was as a result of miscommunications on the administrative level, but my vice principal decided to take a month or two figuring this out as opposed to a week. Ended up enrolled in double the amount of courses permitted and thus, in waiting for this to be whittled down to the proper number, started the second semester two weeks late.
- I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, which was, on one hand, a relief to have as an answer. On the other, the process of figuring out effective treatments is long, convoluted and still ongoing as of this moment in time. I was put on steroids, gained thirty pouds in two months, and none of my pants fit. Again. To say nothing of the other side effects, which were equally infuriating.
- My family started family therapy for no reason other that it was a requirement for the schooling program my brother was in. Ms. Therapist, who was assigned to our case, was unfortunately one of the densest and most patronising people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Brother began keeping a mental tally of the times she uttered the phrase 'you know' per session.
- Had to drop out of school. Too sick to continue schoolwork. Thus lacking credits for my diploma and somehow not being sick enough to merit a deferral, both my acceptance to university and scholarship were revoked.
- Ended up in the hospital for a week in September with a flare up of the Crohn's. Pros: Did not end up needing a blood transfusion. Was able to get my specialist to bump up my infusion treatments from every eight weeks to every six. Cons: Found out I react very badly to morphine and not a whole lot better to morphosone, a derivative. Was not allowed to try different types of painkillers because of some reason related to the fact that I am a minor, although I don't remember exactly what that reason was because I was on more drugs I've ever been on in living memory.
- Did not enforce the "I just doubled my dose of immunosuppressants so no you can't sleep in my bed while you are sick" rule with my brother and ended up more sick than I have ever been from a simple cold virus before. Spent Christmas morning in the ER. Not a mistake I will make again, let me tell you.
- And recently was told by my brother that being unable to relate to other humans on an emotional level without analysis and being unable to intuitively guess their wants and needs makes me a bad person who doesn't care about anyone other than themselves, makes living with me like "living with a robot who only cares about completing its own tasks", and that he can no longer "deal with it". Seeing as how I have spent the vast majority of my life trying to perfect analysis of human emotion so as to properly predict the feelings of others and be normal, damn it, the cold announcement of my failure was kind of devastating. Just a little. He and my mother had a talk I was not privy to and now we are pretending that night did not occur. I don't know what I did to deserve that particular outburst (I have a sneaking suspicion, confirmed by the maternal unit, that it was less about me and more unresolved and unrelated issues being worked through by proxy) but I highly doubt I'll be getting an apology.
However! No longer being sick, with an infusion treatment on Friday, the previously mentioned night behind us and having accquired many lovely items on the wonderful holiday known as Christmas (including but not limited to a hand made wire tree, a Frozen poster and mugs, a warm knitted hat with a massive pompom and a large stuffed alpaca in a bowler hat named Shiro-chan, as well as a picture frame with the word 'love' on the bottom that I cried upon recieving because it had my favourite picture in the world displayed) I am definitely looking forward to the rest of 2015. It's that wonderful time of year where the possibilities are endless, because there hasn't been enough time for the year to have accquired any disappointments and all your favourite milestone have yet to be passed by. I, for instance, am turning 18 this year, which means I will no longer be a minor. This lends a special sort of brightness to a day I normally don't look forward to--I'll be an adult! I'll be able to vote! And buy lottery tickets! And drink in Quebec! (and possibly Alberta!) And get tattoos, and piercings that no piercer worth their salt would be willing to do on a minor! Ah, the smell of freedom. Or maybe that's the smell of the cleaning chemicals I left soaking on the microwave, because I made a spectacularly stupid decision earlier and put a plastic bottle of honey in for two minutes to heat up, and it kind of exploded. Just a little bit. I should probably go take care of that.
This week has been good. I've written letters and gotten a start on some thank-you notes, which has reminded me that I love writing, the physical act of it and the creativity; the feeling of keyboard or pen or pencil at my fingertips and bending to my will. I haven't done much of it in the past year, but that, like many things, is something I hope will change. I'm hoping to remember to take my myriad of supplements more frequently, and hoping that the Crohn's will finally get under control. I'm hoping to finish the last four courses I need to get my high school diploma and be headed off to University by the fall, and I'm hoping this current bout of insomnia will end rather soon, because the subsequent shakes and giddiness, not to mention the weird hours, are really quite annoying. I'm also hoping that in the future, I will remember to shut the door properly, because earlier this morning after I had left to drop some of the aforementioned letters off at the mailbox and subsequently returned, legs nearly numb and a fresh coat of ice on my glasses (because I live in Canada and it's Really Fucking Cold) and pondering how much of a recluse it made me if that was the first time I'd left the house in two weeks, and if it was possible to slowly work yourself from a state that was 'reclusive' to 'agorophobic', I guess I was too caught up in my fears of becoming a shut-in to make sure the door had clicked? And then a few minutes later a rather forceful gust of wind came by, and the door flew open, and it startled my dog so much that she didn't even try and make a break for freedom but I really don't want to count on that happening the next time. Anywho, I got it shut again (properly this time) in a timely fashion, and I guess where I was going with this is that between the honey and the door and the ice on my glasses and the insomnia, it's been a rather eventful morning.
I'm not sure I exactly want the rest of 2015 to be like this, but if it is, I'm not sure I would exactly mind.
Anyways. I'm off for now, because I really should go clean the microwave, but (fingers crossed!) I should be back soon. I'm not sure what I'll be writing about, exactly, but hopefully there'll be something. I leave you with my favourite quote ever written, fittingly by one of my favourite people in the universe, which I hope to get tattooed on me at some point in the hopefully near future and which seems fitting of my mindset in its implications of freedom and new beginnings:
"My heart is upon a precipice, overlooking this grey city, screaming at the top of its lungs: I don't care!"
(dragonarya)
Adieu!