(no subject)
Ughh..
so.. another day gone bye.
im having mixed feelings about going to the brick tonigiht, wether it was worth it or not.. like.. i knew id have to face him someday. but when i saw him pull up. i dont know.. i couldnt breathe like an panic attack, i couldnt stop shaking, i had... a horrible horrible pain in my heart. and it only got worse when he hugged me or looked at me. i even caught myself once giving him a hug like he was my boyfriend, like it was okay to hug him whenever, but then i quickly pulled away and realized.. he isnt yours anymore. you arent his.. you arent his anymore. you cant kiss him or hold him, you cant even tell him you love him anymore.
i thought i was okay but i cant stop crying again, seeing him just makes it so hard, seeing what i cant have. i would sit there talking to him, still looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile on my face.. thinking if anyone saw us talking right now they would see how in love i am with him.. that i was happy because i was right in front of him..
i just desperately wanna feel the pretection i felt when i was in his arms.
i wish i could go back in time, and remove every argument i got in with him over the stupidest shit. because i think thats part of the reason we broke up cuz he doesent wanna be controled. ughh i worshiped the ground he walked on, so why the fuck did i ruin it.
this one.. hurt reall real deeep down this time.
deep
down.
"when you left i lost a part of me.. it's still so hard to believe....
..
who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody better"
i want you back but i dont.
i dont wanna love you anymore.
so.. another day gone bye.
im having mixed feelings about going to the brick tonigiht, wether it was worth it or not.. like.. i knew id have to face him someday. but when i saw him pull up. i dont know.. i couldnt breathe like an panic attack, i couldnt stop shaking, i had... a horrible horrible pain in my heart. and it only got worse when he hugged me or looked at me. i even caught myself once giving him a hug like he was my boyfriend, like it was okay to hug him whenever, but then i quickly pulled away and realized.. he isnt yours anymore. you arent his.. you arent his anymore. you cant kiss him or hold him, you cant even tell him you love him anymore.
i thought i was okay but i cant stop crying again, seeing him just makes it so hard, seeing what i cant have. i would sit there talking to him, still looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile on my face.. thinking if anyone saw us talking right now they would see how in love i am with him.. that i was happy because i was right in front of him..
i just desperately wanna feel the pretection i felt when i was in his arms.
i wish i could go back in time, and remove every argument i got in with him over the stupidest shit. because i think thats part of the reason we broke up cuz he doesent wanna be controled. ughh i worshiped the ground he walked on, so why the fuck did i ruin it.
this one.. hurt reall real deeep down this time.
deep
down.
"when you left i lost a part of me.. it's still so hard to believe....
..
who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody better"
i want you back but i dont.
i dont wanna love you anymore.