Wrecked
Some really smart old guy once said that the only constant in life is change (only semi-paraphrasing here). Basically the one single thing that stays the same is the fact that nothing else stays the same. Dude was right as certain events cause one to realize just how constant the state of flux is that life is in...however, sometimes the amount of change on can experience in a specified amount of time can leapfrog to ridiculous (yes, ridiculous) levels.
What things in my life since I got home are destined to be reduced to just a memory? (the good, the bad, and the ugly): Well, there's the impending move dowstairs (which my mother has been ragging me about since I got home). I got a new camera phone, sweet. I'm in a profession (strong word maybe) that I've never tried before. My face looks less like forty miles of bad road (Jessica Simpson was right about ProActive). My attitude, despite an abnormally high amount of stressers this summer, has been surprisingly good and I wake up most mornings with a smile on my face instead of wanting to 187 my alarm clock (I discovered the 'snooze' function). I have a crush on an awesome boy at work (not to be confused with my stalkee) who is not tall, thin, and white but rather short, filled out and Hispanic. The Beacon class of '05 graduated today (a change by association), I'm proud of those guys. I realized some of my friend that I thought were in the class of '05 are actually in the class of '06, leading me to the revelation that in high school I had friends in all four grades.
Physically I am wrecked. My current diet consists primarily of sugar nowadays due to extrenuating circumstances. I've lost a lot of weight and have been told I look thinner (one of my work friends asked if I was on a diet and a manager responded by saying I can't be becasuse I'll desintergrate...my sister's worried that I'm anorexic). My stress related insomnia is kicking my ass; I haven't actually slept in days, and it's starting to take it's toll on me. My feet and lower back are furious with me (the price of good costumer service, repeated walking and lifting).
But what's change without a reminder of what once was. I've had a near constant influx of nostalgia from seeing the Fantastiks, to talking to that grl from Victory Project, to that almost magical afternoon when I randomly ran into four old high school friends in one day. I've delved into old notebooks and drawings from the days of yore with more gusto than ever before, resulting a crazy mad amount of memories (the nostalgia factor is rather nuts). Maude and me are all pea-in-pod like and she and some other happily welcomed blasts from the past have visited me at the store a few times. Then there was that strange week of Chrissy and Kayla's dance recital and Mary's birthday in which I had a tri-generation feast of family, high school, and college all in a tiny tiny little time span. I had my family up in my Purchase neighborhood (looking seriosuly out of place, like a dog in a sweater) for the recital where I found out that an old Beacon buddy works at the Purchase Applebee's (go freakin' figure), and then proceeded to see more Purchase Peeps than I anticipated on campus at what becmae a double bithday situation. It was like this cosmically coincidental merging of all three of my very different worlds...
...Then came today...Today was one of those unprecidented days where change runs rampant and fate sorta kicks you in the man parts, beats you with a tennis racket and leaves you for dead. It was a test to my innate need to find meaning in everything as the events of today were so random that it hurt my fragile little pysche to even try and see a pattern of signifigance; all culminating with a dissapointingly anticlimactic cameo by an important figure from my past who I didn't expect and didn't really need to see again. It started with my uploading new songs onto my MP3 player (upsetting the cosmic balance of course :/). Then we got this cute new redhead guy at work but I think he might be transferring to another store. Then I fully realizd just how detrimental the effects of not sleeping can be to a human being as my body almost completely shut down and I lost my good mood, turning cranky for the rest of the day. My Napoleonic manager was ice skating on my last nerve (that's actually not all that new) and for the first time since starting work I hated absolutely everything (eight hours a night is important, people). Then the tactical nuclear device was dropped in the middle of the table of on-sale polo shirts I was re-folding. I look up and see none other than the Woof himself (with his mischevious little friend who made sophomore French class a lot more amusing). The person who turned my senior year into a WB11 teen romance drama with only one viewer. And he came on the worst possible day (I was tired, unshaven and wearing a "I don't care how I look today" outfit). He came, did the "good to see you again" chat thing with me, and blew out of the Gap as quickly as he came. A seeing-an-old-friend situation that was sincere (on his part, I was too blindsided) yet devastatingly insignifigant in a grander scale universal meaning type way, existing if for no other reason then to throw a wrench into my seemingly imbalanced though mostly smooth-running summer/life (not very nice Mr. Universe). It seems like not a big deal to get so obsessed over, but fuck you, it was a big deal. That was important stuff to me that shouldn't have been devalued like that.
It's amazing how one special appearance can throw away two years of closure...or how one shitty day can ruin two months of a positive-attitude-streak.
--This is what happens when you have a job that requires no use of higher brain functions, you have too much time to think about crazy shit like the "nature of change" and subsequently drive yourself crazy.
Memo: What's with my over-usage of big words and parenthases...who the hell am I anymore?...
Quotage:
Customer: "Maybe you're not qualified to be behind the register."
Porsha: "Maybe you're retarded."
L8er, J:)...
What things in my life since I got home are destined to be reduced to just a memory? (the good, the bad, and the ugly): Well, there's the impending move dowstairs (which my mother has been ragging me about since I got home). I got a new camera phone, sweet. I'm in a profession (strong word maybe) that I've never tried before. My face looks less like forty miles of bad road (Jessica Simpson was right about ProActive). My attitude, despite an abnormally high amount of stressers this summer, has been surprisingly good and I wake up most mornings with a smile on my face instead of wanting to 187 my alarm clock (I discovered the 'snooze' function). I have a crush on an awesome boy at work (not to be confused with my stalkee) who is not tall, thin, and white but rather short, filled out and Hispanic. The Beacon class of '05 graduated today (a change by association), I'm proud of those guys. I realized some of my friend that I thought were in the class of '05 are actually in the class of '06, leading me to the revelation that in high school I had friends in all four grades.
Physically I am wrecked. My current diet consists primarily of sugar nowadays due to extrenuating circumstances. I've lost a lot of weight and have been told I look thinner (one of my work friends asked if I was on a diet and a manager responded by saying I can't be becasuse I'll desintergrate...my sister's worried that I'm anorexic). My stress related insomnia is kicking my ass; I haven't actually slept in days, and it's starting to take it's toll on me. My feet and lower back are furious with me (the price of good costumer service, repeated walking and lifting).
But what's change without a reminder of what once was. I've had a near constant influx of nostalgia from seeing the Fantastiks, to talking to that grl from Victory Project, to that almost magical afternoon when I randomly ran into four old high school friends in one day. I've delved into old notebooks and drawings from the days of yore with more gusto than ever before, resulting a crazy mad amount of memories (the nostalgia factor is rather nuts). Maude and me are all pea-in-pod like and she and some other happily welcomed blasts from the past have visited me at the store a few times. Then there was that strange week of Chrissy and Kayla's dance recital and Mary's birthday in which I had a tri-generation feast of family, high school, and college all in a tiny tiny little time span. I had my family up in my Purchase neighborhood (looking seriosuly out of place, like a dog in a sweater) for the recital where I found out that an old Beacon buddy works at the Purchase Applebee's (go freakin' figure), and then proceeded to see more Purchase Peeps than I anticipated on campus at what becmae a double bithday situation. It was like this cosmically coincidental merging of all three of my very different worlds...
...Then came today...Today was one of those unprecidented days where change runs rampant and fate sorta kicks you in the man parts, beats you with a tennis racket and leaves you for dead. It was a test to my innate need to find meaning in everything as the events of today were so random that it hurt my fragile little pysche to even try and see a pattern of signifigance; all culminating with a dissapointingly anticlimactic cameo by an important figure from my past who I didn't expect and didn't really need to see again. It started with my uploading new songs onto my MP3 player (upsetting the cosmic balance of course :/). Then we got this cute new redhead guy at work but I think he might be transferring to another store. Then I fully realizd just how detrimental the effects of not sleeping can be to a human being as my body almost completely shut down and I lost my good mood, turning cranky for the rest of the day. My Napoleonic manager was ice skating on my last nerve (that's actually not all that new) and for the first time since starting work I hated absolutely everything (eight hours a night is important, people). Then the tactical nuclear device was dropped in the middle of the table of on-sale polo shirts I was re-folding. I look up and see none other than the Woof himself (with his mischevious little friend who made sophomore French class a lot more amusing). The person who turned my senior year into a WB11 teen romance drama with only one viewer. And he came on the worst possible day (I was tired, unshaven and wearing a "I don't care how I look today" outfit). He came, did the "good to see you again" chat thing with me, and blew out of the Gap as quickly as he came. A seeing-an-old-friend situation that was sincere (on his part, I was too blindsided) yet devastatingly insignifigant in a grander scale universal meaning type way, existing if for no other reason then to throw a wrench into my seemingly imbalanced though mostly smooth-running summer/life (not very nice Mr. Universe). It seems like not a big deal to get so obsessed over, but fuck you, it was a big deal. That was important stuff to me that shouldn't have been devalued like that.
It's amazing how one special appearance can throw away two years of closure...or how one shitty day can ruin two months of a positive-attitude-streak.
--This is what happens when you have a job that requires no use of higher brain functions, you have too much time to think about crazy shit like the "nature of change" and subsequently drive yourself crazy.
Memo: What's with my over-usage of big words and parenthases...who the hell am I anymore?...
Quotage:
Customer: "Maybe you're not qualified to be behind the register."
Porsha: "Maybe you're retarded."
L8er, J:)...