rock to the rhythm with 'em, got to give it to 'em, got to give alot, more than the minimum.
these past couple days have been so fucking emotionally draining. they say everything changes the summer before university. they weren't fucking kidding.
everything would've been fine, but internal monologue is a bitch. also over-thinking things when ur alone is taking its toll on me. this whole moving away is absolutely killing me. for some reason even the simplest things like back to school commercials are strange to me. i see them, and every year at this same time i'd be excited to go to school. it's not like i'm dreading going to university, i'm so excited to meet new people and start a life that i make by myself. but the cost of leaving everything behind... is just not explainable in words. i guess my expectations and perfectionism is really starting to kick my ass. i want the last two weeks to be full of beautiful goodbyes, even though i know i won't be able to handle them. but what can you do. gabor's still down about lynda, and it's killing me to see him being so helpless of the whole situation, and i'm trying my best to be there for him but what can i do? helpless seems to be the word of the day. all i can do is be there for him like i have been this past summer. everything takes time to heal, but time seems to be taking its sweet ass time.
i also don't wanna get into fights with friends the last two weeks either, and everything that i've been mad about this summer i just let it roll off my back. but i guess if u don't let off steam ur gonna hulk out sooner or later. i guess my value in friends just aren't the same. but "i believe, that my life's gonna see, the love i give returned to me" - ol' johnny. but i guess it's not the time that i see the love i gave returned to me. it sucks that it just has to be this time, when i really wanted it returned. *insert have your cake eat it too unless it's made of shit analogy here*
but on a brighter note, i was chillin with becky the other night, in a long time. i miss my little becky! we were watching olympics where brittney said gymnasts are gay, they drip with gay. "oh i'm just dripping with gay!" *wipes forehead* "aw gay!" oh brittney, how i'm gonna miss you. and we were watching the magic bullet informercial. nothing is ever that easy in real life. fucking magic bullet. and i saw erica last night with gabor, hung out at east side mario's, chilled at her apartment which i've never seen before, and chilled at brit's. tis a good night.
and now i'm back at gabor's apartment. for the millionth time. i'm even saying hi to the concierge now. we were just walking downtown, after i got a haircut and asked the guy to give me a fucking mohawk! rock out baby! i love it. i also cut off my wings that are the size of china. we got kinda tired, and settled for mickey d's happy meal and apple pies. awesome. and the night continues with some cranberry vodkas and titilating conversations. awesome. and to end this post, some pics of my awesome mohawk. r.i.p. mohawk, i love you. way too much fucking work to re-create you.
everything would've been fine, but internal monologue is a bitch. also over-thinking things when ur alone is taking its toll on me. this whole moving away is absolutely killing me. for some reason even the simplest things like back to school commercials are strange to me. i see them, and every year at this same time i'd be excited to go to school. it's not like i'm dreading going to university, i'm so excited to meet new people and start a life that i make by myself. but the cost of leaving everything behind... is just not explainable in words. i guess my expectations and perfectionism is really starting to kick my ass. i want the last two weeks to be full of beautiful goodbyes, even though i know i won't be able to handle them. but what can you do. gabor's still down about lynda, and it's killing me to see him being so helpless of the whole situation, and i'm trying my best to be there for him but what can i do? helpless seems to be the word of the day. all i can do is be there for him like i have been this past summer. everything takes time to heal, but time seems to be taking its sweet ass time.
i also don't wanna get into fights with friends the last two weeks either, and everything that i've been mad about this summer i just let it roll off my back. but i guess if u don't let off steam ur gonna hulk out sooner or later. i guess my value in friends just aren't the same. but "i believe, that my life's gonna see, the love i give returned to me" - ol' johnny. but i guess it's not the time that i see the love i gave returned to me. it sucks that it just has to be this time, when i really wanted it returned. *insert have your cake eat it too unless it's made of shit analogy here*
but on a brighter note, i was chillin with becky the other night, in a long time. i miss my little becky! we were watching olympics where brittney said gymnasts are gay, they drip with gay. "oh i'm just dripping with gay!" *wipes forehead* "aw gay!" oh brittney, how i'm gonna miss you. and we were watching the magic bullet informercial. nothing is ever that easy in real life. fucking magic bullet. and i saw erica last night with gabor, hung out at east side mario's, chilled at her apartment which i've never seen before, and chilled at brit's. tis a good night.
and now i'm back at gabor's apartment. for the millionth time. i'm even saying hi to the concierge now. we were just walking downtown, after i got a haircut and asked the guy to give me a fucking mohawk! rock out baby! i love it. i also cut off my wings that are the size of china. we got kinda tired, and settled for mickey d's happy meal and apple pies. awesome. and the night continues with some cranberry vodkas and titilating conversations. awesome. and to end this post, some pics of my awesome mohawk. r.i.p. mohawk, i love you. way too much fucking work to re-create you.