(no subject)
It's beginning - that burning sensation in my fingers as I lose the feeling and the nerves start to get a little frisky and timid and don't know what they want.
Oh, and the vision: you should all know that when you are maintaining yourself through a night of no sleep with constant fixtures of caffeine and hardly any food - as long as you stay dehydrated, you will eventually get the same little flickering eyesight that you'd normally get when overtired and NOT on chemicals. No, it's not annoying. Annoying is the pain to lower right of my stomach, or the way my bowels want to do a cannonball out my... wait, this journal's for all audiences.
I've got aching eyes, and I'm pretty sure this vial of visine I have righ' here would do the trick, but I have a huge fear for visine, and the flickers out of the corner of my eyes aren't helping me stay focused enough to conquer my fear. Is that a shadow or my room mate moving his arm or my eyes chemically shifting my periphrial's focus without my command?
It might not help that I'm inducing myself with auditory hallucination by listening to "Microphones in the Trees" by A Silver Mount Zion. It might not help that I'm low on cigarettes - three to last me the whole day, plus anything I can muster from the friends who should give me some because I've bummed out so many in so many different times of need.
I don't understand people that don't abuse chemicals and are still neutral when I tell them about my stimulant use, my dextromethorphan use, and my cigarette addiction. Yeah, the majority of people I know who are straightedge or just non-users like to bark at me and yell about the complications of substance "abuse", but then there are the occasional few that really never voice anything against me in person... CAIT!!! In any case, it's an interesting concept that boggles my mind that I enjoy but feel I will never understand.
What happened?
Yesterday Afternoon >>> Evening:
- Didn't get my paper done.
- Was reading The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis when I crashed from the caffeine.
- Took my first nap in a quite awhile - possibly three months. It was an hour and a half.
- Smoked a cigarette with Krissy.
- Saw The Good Earth for The Birss Lecture (see previous post).
- Talked to my brother for awhile - he's doing well.
- Krissy came over and I taught her Emerson.
- Developed just a few more ideas and opinions concerning my love for Emerson.
- Spent some time being consumed by the messenger of AOL.
- Chain smoked for about forty minutes with Rebecca and we talked.
- Decided to stay up.
- Wrote.
- Livejournal stuff.
- Wrote the paper.
- Went outside and read Cait my writings, smoked, talked.
- Made plans to meet her for breakfast.
- Took too much caffeine throughout the evening and morning.
- Took thirty milligrams of adderall at eleven in the evening.
Today:
- 7:30am - Breakfast with Cait
- 8:00am - History in the Modern World
- 9:00am - Revise Paper, Have it Edited, Do Other Homework
- 11:00am - American Literature I - Turn in Paper, Definite Quiz on Emerson's Self-Reliance
- 12:00am - Lunch and Homework and Homework and Homework - the oodles and oodles
- 5:00pm - Group Meeting for Serpents, Swords, and Symbols with Amanda and Jennifer
- 5:30pm - Work(!)
- 9:30pm - Homework Until Passing Out, or Just Passing Out
------------------- I've got a toothache, those bowels, that sight, and I need more caffeine. Or adderall. Or caffeine. Which to choose? Which to choose? Hmmm....
My Probable Schedule for Spring Semester of 2006:
- Science CORE
- Science CORE Lab
- Writers Reading Fiction
- Writers Reading Poetry
- American Literature II
- Humorous Nonfiction
I wonder if any of them have amphetamines as a prerequisite...
What the Hell am I talking about?
Oh, and the vision: you should all know that when you are maintaining yourself through a night of no sleep with constant fixtures of caffeine and hardly any food - as long as you stay dehydrated, you will eventually get the same little flickering eyesight that you'd normally get when overtired and NOT on chemicals. No, it's not annoying. Annoying is the pain to lower right of my stomach, or the way my bowels want to do a cannonball out my... wait, this journal's for all audiences.
I've got aching eyes, and I'm pretty sure this vial of visine I have righ' here would do the trick, but I have a huge fear for visine, and the flickers out of the corner of my eyes aren't helping me stay focused enough to conquer my fear. Is that a shadow or my room mate moving his arm or my eyes chemically shifting my periphrial's focus without my command?
It might not help that I'm inducing myself with auditory hallucination by listening to "Microphones in the Trees" by A Silver Mount Zion. It might not help that I'm low on cigarettes - three to last me the whole day, plus anything I can muster from the friends who should give me some because I've bummed out so many in so many different times of need.
I don't understand people that don't abuse chemicals and are still neutral when I tell them about my stimulant use, my dextromethorphan use, and my cigarette addiction. Yeah, the majority of people I know who are straightedge or just non-users like to bark at me and yell about the complications of substance "abuse", but then there are the occasional few that really never voice anything against me in person... CAIT!!! In any case, it's an interesting concept that boggles my mind that I enjoy but feel I will never understand.
What happened?
Yesterday Afternoon >>> Evening:
- Didn't get my paper done.
- Was reading The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis when I crashed from the caffeine.
- Took my first nap in a quite awhile - possibly three months. It was an hour and a half.
- Smoked a cigarette with Krissy.
- Saw The Good Earth for The Birss Lecture (see previous post).
- Talked to my brother for awhile - he's doing well.
- Krissy came over and I taught her Emerson.
- Developed just a few more ideas and opinions concerning my love for Emerson.
- Spent some time being consumed by the messenger of AOL.
- Chain smoked for about forty minutes with Rebecca and we talked.
- Decided to stay up.
- Wrote.
- Livejournal stuff.
- Wrote the paper.
- Went outside and read Cait my writings, smoked, talked.
- Made plans to meet her for breakfast.
- Took too much caffeine throughout the evening and morning.
- Took thirty milligrams of adderall at eleven in the evening.
Today:
- 7:30am - Breakfast with Cait
- 8:00am - History in the Modern World
- 9:00am - Revise Paper, Have it Edited, Do Other Homework
- 11:00am - American Literature I - Turn in Paper, Definite Quiz on Emerson's Self-Reliance
- 12:00am - Lunch and Homework and Homework and Homework - the oodles and oodles
- 5:00pm - Group Meeting for Serpents, Swords, and Symbols with Amanda and Jennifer
- 5:30pm - Work(!)
- 9:30pm - Homework Until Passing Out, or Just Passing Out
------------------- I've got a toothache, those bowels, that sight, and I need more caffeine. Or adderall. Or caffeine. Which to choose? Which to choose? Hmmm....
My Probable Schedule for Spring Semester of 2006:
- Science CORE
- Science CORE Lab
- Writers Reading Fiction
- Writers Reading Poetry
- American Literature II
- Humorous Nonfiction
I wonder if any of them have amphetamines as a prerequisite...
What the Hell am I talking about?