I use puns to tell a story and die a little inside
(From multiple news outlets)
So there was this woman, right. A grandmother. And damned if she didn't think voting laws in Washington make it too easy for those pesky noncitizens to vote. She apparently felt very strongly about this, being old and all, and she probably didn't have much else to do. So she came up with a brilliant scheme: Protest the rules by registering her dog to vote. So she put her phone number under the dog's name, Duncan M. MacDonald, and used the utility bill to make him a BONE-ified (HAHA, get it?!?!?!) caster of the ballots in the great state of Washington.
And, in the space on the ballot where a signature should go, she left an imprint of his paw. (awwwww, how cute!)
Anyway, an election worker, undoubtedly flummoxed, took PAUSE (HAHAHA!!!) at the dirty paw print that replaced what should have been a human signature. But, like any hardworking government employee, he waited until the dog had voted three times before he contacted, like, the authorities. To be fair, the dog's votes never actually counted, because the woman wrote "VOID" on the actual ballot, but still her point was made. Three times.
Prosecutors, who probably thought the whole affair was pretty DOGGONE funny (!!!!!!) but nonetheless had a bone to pick, offered to charge her with a misdemeanor instead of a felony as long as she agrees to stop letting her fucking dog exercise the most fundamental right in American democracy.
The moral of the story is that if you're going to commit felony voter fraud, you'd damn well better be a war veteran grandmother with a clever idea and a dog named Duncan. Oh, and if you're an ELECTION WORKER and you don't want to look like a complete JACKASS you might consider trying to stop a dog from voting before the third election rolls around. Just.. I dunno, a thought.
So there was this woman, right. A grandmother. And damned if she didn't think voting laws in Washington make it too easy for those pesky noncitizens to vote. She apparently felt very strongly about this, being old and all, and she probably didn't have much else to do. So she came up with a brilliant scheme: Protest the rules by registering her dog to vote. So she put her phone number under the dog's name, Duncan M. MacDonald, and used the utility bill to make him a BONE-ified (HAHA, get it?!?!?!) caster of the ballots in the great state of Washington.
And, in the space on the ballot where a signature should go, she left an imprint of his paw. (awwwww, how cute!)
Anyway, an election worker, undoubtedly flummoxed, took PAUSE (HAHAHA!!!) at the dirty paw print that replaced what should have been a human signature. But, like any hardworking government employee, he waited until the dog had voted three times before he contacted, like, the authorities. To be fair, the dog's votes never actually counted, because the woman wrote "VOID" on the actual ballot, but still her point was made. Three times.
Prosecutors, who probably thought the whole affair was pretty DOGGONE funny (!!!!!!) but nonetheless had a bone to pick, offered to charge her with a misdemeanor instead of a felony as long as she agrees to stop letting her fucking dog exercise the most fundamental right in American democracy.
The moral of the story is that if you're going to commit felony voter fraud, you'd damn well better be a war veteran grandmother with a clever idea and a dog named Duncan. Oh, and if you're an ELECTION WORKER and you don't want to look like a complete JACKASS you might consider trying to stop a dog from voting before the third election rolls around. Just.. I dunno, a thought.