On the forefront of hell and nowhere to go but down
AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh livejournal...I havent spent time with you (Posting any of my own stuff) in what seems like ages.
I've been working afterall..hard at work...going through all sorts of emotions and wondering what it means to be cheese.
I've been hard at work and making more of a big deal about it than it really is in retrospect.
But I do feel rather drained none the less..
The lack of money thing is a big downer (as im sure many people know) but im currently looking into a couple things to hopefully quell the situation.
My class in graphics design has been worn down and blown apart to form a refined rock upon which will be chisled and sanded down in order to weed out the few remaining people that "shouldnt" be there..
One of my friends told me she may drop out and it makes me very sad to hear it...I want her very much to succeed and to tough it out with me and some of the others so we can party once we're finally done.
I think im starting to like the hustle and bustle of having so many projects due at once (as per industry standard) - Its god awful at times but something inside me seems to crave any battle it can get.
I feel a strong sense of comradery between me and the people in my class even though im absolutely disgusted by some of them, I still consider them my brothers and sisters and I'd be willing to lend a hand to them.
We throw stories back and forth during smoke breaks and during our other breaks and we have a good time despite whatever amount of work awaits us.
We have 24 hour access to the labs which im very greatful for cuz that means I could be at fanshawe right now workin even though its almost 5am.
Though I may loathe what im going through at times I know that in my heart and my mind my faith will keep me strong and one day I'll be much better off for going through everything I am.
I'll be in a very closed off work sector that more and more seems like a forbidden city with heavy gaurds patrolling the perimeter to make sure nothing gets out of there.
I know that with time that bit of loathing I do have will turn to love and I wont feel comfortable anywhere but in a lab in front of a screen, working away while music flows through the background as I print away mock ups, and separations or get jobs ready to send away to some far off place I havent heard of yet.
Lately Ive been feeling like ive been losing touch with a couple people and part of me is fine with it (cuz I have my own path to tread and im not sure I share a real connection with those couple of people).
I feel the connection goes as far as just toleration with the occasional banter back and forth.
When I think along those lines part of me feels enlightened while another part of me feels sad to lose a connection I thought I had.
But truthfully when I get like this I cant help but think im making too much of things and I seem to always feel the need to counter with a feeling like what I do feel is perfectly valid and true.
Im no psychic though I wish I was at times.
Im no soldier though at times I walk the walk.
Im no god though more often than not I wish I was.
Im just a being with more problems than I'd like and
thoughts that more often than not are done away with as trivial garbage.
One thing will always remain a constant though...my will to give others around me courage.
On a daily basis I try to instill faith in my circle...Faith is anyones best weapon against
all things terrible.
If you have faith and courage than nothing else matters because if you fall
you wont fall far.
I do my best to instill that faith in my brothers and sisters because without them
I would not have my courage or my faith.
Im sure we'll all make it big in our own way and in 20 years when we meet again we'll all have stories to share about our times in our program.
Our late nights, Our lunches and dinners at Marvellous 2 for 1 pizza and trips to the macs beside it to grab snacks.
Indeed im glad to say that my faith is safe with a strong group of people that have accepted me and that I have accepted.
I wont ever falter or fail because I know they are there watching with me as we look to the horizon and our futures.
I know we'll succeed, our small refined group with skills and techniques honed over 3 years of solid continous work.
Its a whole different kind of battle, its just begun.
I welcome it with trembling hands and adrenaline filled veins.
with me my brothers and sisters on to conquest.
I've been working afterall..hard at work...going through all sorts of emotions and wondering what it means to be cheese.
I've been hard at work and making more of a big deal about it than it really is in retrospect.
But I do feel rather drained none the less..
The lack of money thing is a big downer (as im sure many people know) but im currently looking into a couple things to hopefully quell the situation.
My class in graphics design has been worn down and blown apart to form a refined rock upon which will be chisled and sanded down in order to weed out the few remaining people that "shouldnt" be there..
One of my friends told me she may drop out and it makes me very sad to hear it...I want her very much to succeed and to tough it out with me and some of the others so we can party once we're finally done.
I think im starting to like the hustle and bustle of having so many projects due at once (as per industry standard) - Its god awful at times but something inside me seems to crave any battle it can get.
I feel a strong sense of comradery between me and the people in my class even though im absolutely disgusted by some of them, I still consider them my brothers and sisters and I'd be willing to lend a hand to them.
We throw stories back and forth during smoke breaks and during our other breaks and we have a good time despite whatever amount of work awaits us.
We have 24 hour access to the labs which im very greatful for cuz that means I could be at fanshawe right now workin even though its almost 5am.
Though I may loathe what im going through at times I know that in my heart and my mind my faith will keep me strong and one day I'll be much better off for going through everything I am.
I'll be in a very closed off work sector that more and more seems like a forbidden city with heavy gaurds patrolling the perimeter to make sure nothing gets out of there.
I know that with time that bit of loathing I do have will turn to love and I wont feel comfortable anywhere but in a lab in front of a screen, working away while music flows through the background as I print away mock ups, and separations or get jobs ready to send away to some far off place I havent heard of yet.
Lately Ive been feeling like ive been losing touch with a couple people and part of me is fine with it (cuz I have my own path to tread and im not sure I share a real connection with those couple of people).
I feel the connection goes as far as just toleration with the occasional banter back and forth.
When I think along those lines part of me feels enlightened while another part of me feels sad to lose a connection I thought I had.
But truthfully when I get like this I cant help but think im making too much of things and I seem to always feel the need to counter with a feeling like what I do feel is perfectly valid and true.
Im no psychic though I wish I was at times.
Im no soldier though at times I walk the walk.
Im no god though more often than not I wish I was.
Im just a being with more problems than I'd like and
thoughts that more often than not are done away with as trivial garbage.
One thing will always remain a constant though...my will to give others around me courage.
On a daily basis I try to instill faith in my circle...Faith is anyones best weapon against
all things terrible.
If you have faith and courage than nothing else matters because if you fall
you wont fall far.
I do my best to instill that faith in my brothers and sisters because without them
I would not have my courage or my faith.
Im sure we'll all make it big in our own way and in 20 years when we meet again we'll all have stories to share about our times in our program.
Our late nights, Our lunches and dinners at Marvellous 2 for 1 pizza and trips to the macs beside it to grab snacks.
Indeed im glad to say that my faith is safe with a strong group of people that have accepted me and that I have accepted.
I wont ever falter or fail because I know they are there watching with me as we look to the horizon and our futures.
I know we'll succeed, our small refined group with skills and techniques honed over 3 years of solid continous work.
Its a whole different kind of battle, its just begun.
I welcome it with trembling hands and adrenaline filled veins.
with me my brothers and sisters on to conquest.