Sleepless Yet Again..
SO Im back again...
Here sitting at this little coffee table in my basement updating livejournal at 6:51am on an I dont even know what fucking day..Except that its the 16th currently...I think its either wednesday or thursday..
Im awake again cuz of my conscience.
Thoughts going around in my head about all sorts of things and all sorts of people and all sorts of issues.
I hate how they choose these times to show themselves.
I feel a lot of things right now ...anger, sadness, frusteratioon to name a few..more sadness and frusteration...and frusterated yet again because of why im sad.
Which leads to annoyance and its on the road again for the anger.
I hope I can find my relief soon enough...I wish I could find all the answers to my problems because I know I know them, I just need someone to ask me the right questions so I can find the answers..but then I think Are there really even answers? Is there an answer to my problems?...Hell a friend of mine was able to basically plot me like co-ordinates on a chart to a single degree but to put in a max payne type quote
It opened a dark hole inside me that is full of both good and bad and I dont have the ability to give myself the closer I need to sew this hole back up so it can heal.
But when I start to feel like this, think like this and talk like this I cant help but think that im just bitching and that I shouldnt be bitching because it makes me sound like a whiner and I dont want to.
So what recourse am I left with but to throw my thoughts into the back of my mind or into the pit of my stomach or wherever until they can resurface at 6 in the morning and bring me back down here to type again....I need a person I can talk to that I can pour my heart out to...I need someone so far out of the loop but so close to me that if I tell them things they'll know whats going on.
I thought I found that person but im not so sure anymore..But im sick of typing right now so Im going to go and do something until I can maybe catch some sleep and get up today and find something to do...something that involves excercise..something that involves getting outside..