a story i've told six times today

[thehipeinie]

this morning i was at the bus stop, already having a pretty shitty start to the day. i had volunteered to go into work early to help break down the set of a play that was closing upstairs, so it was somewheres around 6:00 and still dark. also, it was five below zero, not counting what must have been a crazy windchill factor (i don't care what slate says. when i got to the bus stop, i started to enjoy my ritual thirty minutes of happiness to start the day: npr shuffle, mug of coffee and first cigarette. so i figured the worst was over and started to enjoy the falling snow for a moment. that was my first mistake. my next mistake was standing behind the dirt- and ice-caked bus shelter, so i couldn't see the oncoming traffic. the worst mistake i made was not paying attention the signs that showed a picture of a guy getting hit with a tidal wave of snow from his friendly neighborhood snowplow, and which were captioned with the phrase "don't get snow-plowed." needless to say, i got snow-plowed. my cigarette was soggy-ed, my coffee was salted, npr shuffle turned into a high-pitched shriek, and my mouth was full of dirty, salty, gray chicago road slush. across the street a woman was laughing at me. for some reason i replied to her with "what was i supposed to do?" which i think means "i got fucking snowplowed and i have no one to blame but myself."

take it from me. you have to be ready for anything. anytime. it's a goddamn jungle out there, kids. watch your back.