Ruby played him. Every Sam, we’re in this together, every I’m a fugitive, Sam, for you.
Everything was for Lucifer. For the fucking apocalypse. Dean had been right all along and Sam had been used. As special as the angels and demons claim him to be, he’d lost sight of what was and still is truly important, and he can’t forgive himself for that.
Dean’s next to him, driving driving driving away, to nowhere in particular, his eyes focused on the road ahead as Sam contemplates the last few days, the last year. A pawn in a game to unleash one of the most powerful angels of all time, and all because he’d been an accomplice to that bitch; fucking her and drinking her blood and wasting away the hours in which he could have been at home, with Dean. Looking after Dean; Dean who returned from Hell to find Sam lying and hiding secrets, and fuck.
He can’t believe that it’s taken this long to finally realise exactly what was going on. He can feel his heart pang in his chest; he feels as if Ruby is still here, tugging on his chest and bringing him down, down down into her world of deceit and betrayal and sickness.
He looks down at himself, feels Dean notice the movement.
He checks to see if he’s bleeding. He feels like he is, feels like he needs something. And it’s the knowledge that he still wants, fucking needs Ruby’s blood that tears through him, his whole body trembling as he considers how far gone he really is. How much of a monster he’s become.
He grips the sides of his seat, feels his body shake, the sweat from his forehead dripping along his nose, onto his mouth. His tongue comes out to taste it. Tastes like blood. A metallic, bitter, repulsive taste.
He feels like his body is on fire. Dean suffered in Hell for forty fucking years and Sam almost entirely ignored him. Ignored his own brother, and for what?
He can feel the tears slip out unwillingly. They ride along his cheeks and slide down onto his jawline, and it tastes the same. It tastes like death and treachery and shame. It’s him.
He doesn’t realise the car’s stopped until he can feel Dean surround him. Dean’s arms coming up to grip Sam’s shoulders, pulling him forth and throwing Sam’s face into Dean’s chest.
Dean’s whispering something, but Sam struggles. He tries to focus on his brother’s soothing voice, but all he hears is the striking sound of Lilith’s laugh, Ruby announcing her betrayal, his own brother calling him a monster.
“Sammy.”
Sam’s eyes open wide, and he’s gazing right into Dean. Dean’s eyes are wide and wet, the night’s light highlighting the fervour they possess. Sam doesn’t realise that he’s whispering until Dean says his name again. You’re not a monster, Sammy. You’re not.
He buries his face into Dean’s neck, his brother’s arms slipping from his shoulders and coming around to grip his back.
I like this one! It pretty much pin points everything I feel 'bout where Sam and Dean's path is headed.
I know many of the fans have forgiven Sam, but sadly, I'm not one of them. I understand that Sam was vulnerable after Dean's death, but he still had a CHOICE. He could have gone to Bobby instead of allowing Ruby to screw and manipulate him. Even when Dean was back and by his side, Sam STILL fucked him over 'gain and 'gain. Well, only time can heal all wounds and I do hope our boys will be okay again.
I'd like to dedicate Evanescense's October 'cause I feel this song goes with you story very well. Hope you like! *Grins*
Everything was for Lucifer. For the fucking apocalypse. Dean had been right all along and Sam had been used. As special as the angels and demons claim him to be, he’d lost sight of what was and still is truly important, and he can’t forgive himself for that.
Dean’s next to him, driving driving driving away, to nowhere in particular, his eyes focused on the road ahead as Sam contemplates the last few days, the last year. A pawn in a game to unleash one of the most powerful angels of all time, and all because he’d been an accomplice to that bitch; fucking her and drinking her blood and wasting away the hours in which he could have been at home, with Dean. Looking after Dean; Dean who returned from Hell to find Sam lying and hiding secrets, and fuck.
He can’t believe that it’s taken this long to finally realise exactly what was going on. He can feel his heart pang in his chest; he feels as if Ruby is still here, tugging on his chest and bringing him down, down down into her world of deceit and betrayal and sickness.
He looks down at himself, feels Dean notice the movement.
He checks to see if he’s bleeding. He feels like he is, feels like he needs something. And it’s the knowledge that he still wants, fucking needs Ruby’s blood that tears through him, his whole body trembling as he considers how far gone he really is. How much of a monster he’s become.
He grips the sides of his seat, feels his body shake, the sweat from his forehead dripping along his nose, onto his mouth. His tongue comes out to taste it. Tastes like blood. A metallic, bitter, repulsive taste.
He feels like his body is on fire. Dean suffered in Hell for forty fucking years and Sam almost entirely ignored him. Ignored his own brother, and for what?
He can feel the tears slip out unwillingly. They ride along his cheeks and slide down onto his jawline, and it tastes the same. It tastes like death and treachery and shame. It’s him.
He doesn’t realise the car’s stopped until he can feel Dean surround him. Dean’s arms coming up to grip Sam’s shoulders, pulling him forth and throwing Sam’s face into Dean’s chest.
Dean’s whispering something, but Sam struggles. He tries to focus on his brother’s soothing voice, but all he hears is the striking sound of Lilith’s laugh, Ruby announcing her betrayal, his own brother calling him a monster.
“Sammy.”
Sam’s eyes open wide, and he’s gazing right into Dean. Dean’s eyes are wide and wet, the night’s light highlighting the fervour they possess. Sam doesn’t realise that he’s whispering until Dean says his name again. You’re not a monster, Sammy. You’re not.
He buries his face into Dean’s neck, his brother’s arms slipping from his shoulders and coming around to grip his back.
Dean’s talking to him. Sam can hear him now.
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How perfect, and perfectly sad. I really liked this :)
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I know many of the fans have forgiven Sam, but sadly, I'm not one of them. I understand that Sam was vulnerable after Dean's death, but he still had a CHOICE. He could have gone to Bobby instead of allowing Ruby to screw and manipulate him. Even when Dean was back and by his side, Sam STILL fucked him over 'gain and 'gain. Well, only time can heal all wounds and I do hope our boys will be okay again.
I'd like to dedicate Evanescense's October 'cause I feel this song goes with you story very well. Hope you like! *Grins*
From Sam To Dean...
Evanescence-October
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