011 || (backdated)

Mar 12, 2009 01:10

((Backdated to a bit after this thread))

[Screened from Dagger]

... that could have gone a lot worse...

I guess.

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loopmein March 12 2009, 21:12:03 UTC
You guess?

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theherotail March 12 2009, 21:14:09 UTC
I expected it to be as bad as it was.

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loopmein March 12 2009, 21:21:41 UTC
"As bad as it was" indicates that it was still pretty bad.

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theherotail March 12 2009, 21:24:02 UTC
Nothing I didn't deserve though, really.

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loopmein March 12 2009, 21:27:57 UTC
What'd you think Garnet deserves?

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theherotail March 12 2009, 21:32:29 UTC
A decent life in this city, friends who she can call family, someone who can give their everything to her.

Dagger deserves a lot.

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loopmein March 12 2009, 21:36:21 UTC
I take it you're not willing to give that to her.

Not anymore.

Do you really believe in that, or are you just saying it to make yourself feel better?

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theherotail March 12 2009, 21:49:30 UTC
I'm willing to give her most... I can't give everything to her. I want to be able to be a close friend. I'd like to try to make that bridge... but... she needs time before that... It's not fair if I drop that on her now.

I basically dumped her, Odd. Yeah. I think I'm allowed to believe that. It's not like it makes me feel better, anyway.

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loopmein March 12 2009, 22:02:06 UTC
You weren't there when she needed you most. She needed someone she loved, and someone who loved her. You don't know what she was like when I first found her, or what she's been through. What dying is like.

She would have given you everything. She has. And you're say you'll only give her most.

In spite of that, you still "dumped" her.

Because you care more about someone else than a girl who is willing to give you everything.

I think I see now. You'd have had to lose so much to give up someone so precious.

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sorrrry Odd. He's in an.... odd (lol) state 8D;; theherotail March 12 2009, 22:36:53 UTC
I know.

[Private to Odd]

I love Dagger; I always will. She... gave me a reason to live. Losing her was one of the worst days of my life - no, it probably was the worst. It's haunting. I can't think straight. I knew there was a chance that she could end up in this city, but then I brushed it aside as impossible, and I...

Hell, I can't even put my mind into words.

What would you do? If someone you loved died years before you came to this city... and then after a bit... you fall for someone - which you never thought would be possible - and then you grow closer and closer to that person before you even know it...

...but then the almost-unexpected happens. The one who was your absolute everything arrives in the city, and everything just... breaks around you. What do you think? What do you do? You love both women, you don't want to hurt either of them... what the hell would you do?

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[ Private to Zidane. ] loopmein March 12 2009, 23:19:12 UTC
Is that what bothers you? The day she died is what's haunting you?

Let me tell you something, Zidane. I'm not going to tell you this for pity, but just to paint a colorful little picture for you.

Five years ago, I was caught in the dead center of a shooting in the middle of a shopping mall. The place was a bloody mess. The things I saw that day, what I did that day, I won't even speak of. The dead deserve their dignity. It's haunting, though. Enough that some days I wake up sick to my stomach that I could drown in the despair of it. Nineteen people died in that place. Among those nineteen was my girlfriend, my fiancée, my soul mate, who they shot four times in the chest and abdomen.

Life hadn't been at all kind to her. But she was strong, and it wasn't fair that she'd died. The way she died. We were going to get married, share our future, our lives together. I didn't... I couldn't be with anyone else ( ... )

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Re: [ Private to Zidane. ] theherotail March 12 2009, 23:23:53 UTC
((heeeee's.... so not capable of answering :D))

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[ ooc. ] loopmein March 12 2009, 23:29:56 UTC
[ JESUS. For Zidane's sake, it's probably best that he doesn't. ]

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Re: [ ooc. ] theherotail March 12 2009, 23:33:48 UTC
((Yeaaaah he's getting that sort of feel 8D Beyond the guilt and self-loathing... some other things that I can't think of. ))

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