CONFLICT RESOLUTION
INT. THE OFFICE
(Angela is making copies)
(Kevin is standing at reception, impatiently tapping the counter)
(Pam looks up)
Kevin: So, uh, you found a band yet for your wedding?
Pam: No.
Kevin: 'Cause I'm in a band.
(Jim glances up from his desk)
Kevin: (OS) We really rock.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: Yeah, I mean, it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it.
CUT BACK TO OFFICE
(Kevin pumps his fist as he makes his way back to his desk)
Jim: (VO) She hears me arranging my social life...
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: ...and we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the internet, so it evens out.
CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA
(Phyllis is walking in, Pam is following)
Phyllis: So I got the Save The Date.
Pam: Yeah?
(In the background, Jim walks in)
Phyllis: Yeah, pretty stationary.
Pam: Oh, thanks.
(Jim hears the conversation and immediately turns around and walks out, unnoticed)
(Angela is eating at the table)
Angela: I didn't get mine yet.
(The camera pans to Kelly at the fridge, who looks at Pam)
Pam: Um...
(Pam looks at the camera uncomfortably)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: There are a few people I decided not to invite. And that might make things kind of awkward, but...it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.
CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: (to camera) Yes, thanks. Fantastic Sam's. Adult cut plus. (pats his hair) Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.
CUT TO BREAKROOM
(Phyllis is sitting in front of the camera with a lot of make up on)
Phyllis: Uh, on or off?
Photographer: Off.
Phyllis: Okay. (takes off her glasses)
Dwight: Oh, what is on your face? Is that a disguise?
(Phyllis looks like she's going to cry)
Phyllis: Excuse me. (quietly walks out and briskly walks out)
Dwight: Clown paint.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Ryan is sitting in Michael's office)
Michael: That's a nice tie.
Ryan: Thank you.
(Michael walks over to Ryan)
(Ryan shifts in his seat)
Michael: That is...(picks up Ryan's tie) who makes that?
Ryan: Um, I don't know.
(Ryan looks uncomfortable)
Michael: Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?
(Michael leans in close to compare their ties)
Ryan: (looks at camera) Um, let's, um...let's keep our clothes.
(Michael gets distracted by yelling from the conference room)
Oscar: (OS) It's like child abuse!
(Michael looks at the camera)
Oscar: (OS) I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby. I mean, on so many levels!
(Ryan quickly goes back to his desk)
(Michael walks to the conference room and opens the door)
Oscar: And I'm supposed to work there! I'm supposed- (notices Michael)
Michael: What's the deal-e-o?
Toby: Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but, uh, the photographer's back there.
Michael: What's the problem?
Oscar: Angela.
Toby: It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace.
Oscar: Since Christmas.
Michael: So what, you're having a little spat? I forget, are you guys dating?
Oscar: No.
Toby: Michael, can I talk to you for a second, please?
Michael: Yes.
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF CONFERENCE ROOM
Toby: (in a low voice) Here's how I usually handle this. All I do is listen. You know, these things just have a way of working themselves out.
Michael: Mm...
Toby: It's like if you write someone a letter when you're really angry. They say to keep it in your drawer for a couple days, and then you just never end up sending it.
Michael: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced, so-
Toby: Okay.
Michael: Okay, what?
Toby: That was a right decision for me and my marriage.
Michael: Yeah. Well, that's not gonna fly here because in this office it is till death do us part. Assuming that we don't get downsized. Uh, Pam, would you get Angela and meet us in the conference room, please?
CUT TO LATER IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael is showing the camera a binder that reads "A MEDIATORS TOOLCHEST")
(Angela and Oscar are sitting across from each other, Pam is sitting beside Michael)
Michael: A Mediator's Toolchest.
(Silence)
Michael: Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that there are five different styles of conflict. My Shaolin Temple style defeats your Monkey Style.
Angela: (irritated) Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.
Michael: No, this is important. Okay, the first style is "lose-lose".
Oscar: (interrupting) What's the next one?
Michael: Just, hold on, please. Okay, if we do lose-lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? (no response) You-you would both lose. Now, I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation?
Angela: Can we just skip to whatever number five is? Win-win or whatever?
Michael: Win-win, is number four, and number five is win-win-win. The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.
CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA
(Michael, Pam, Angela, and Oscar are standing in front of the baby poster from "Christmas Party")
Michael: Okay, so this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using "I" emotion language and no judging, or "you" statements.
Angela: I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it every day. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.
Michael: Come on, seriously. That?
Oscar: I don't like looking at it. It's creepy and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who forced the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porno.
Michael: Okay, okay, okay!
Oscar: I'm talking about the kind...
Angela: Oh my God.
Michael: Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can't just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win-win.
Pam: Win.
Michael: Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about, Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it, and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win...win...win.
Oscar: No.
Angela: That's- no.
(Angela and Oscar shake their heads)
Michael: Okay, well, brainstorm. Own the solution.
Angela: How about I leave it up?
Oscar: How about she takes it down?
Pam: How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Michael: Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style three, and it is not ideal. To sum up, win-win, make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-lose, take the poster down. Compromise, Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is...make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-win.
Pam: Win.
Oscar: Fine.
Angela: But-
(Michael claps his hands)
Michael: It is done!
CUT TO BREAK ROOM
(Creed is getting his photograph taken)
(After the first photo he turns to the side for a profile shot)
Photographer: No, you're all good.
Creed: Great.
(Creed leaves, the camera tilts down to show his photo on the computer)
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Pam walks over to Angela's area and hands her a card)
Pam: Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code.
Angela: Oh, thanks. (gives a rare smile) (VO) It was hand-delivered.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF ANGELA
Angela: ...but I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste.
CUT TO TOBY'S OFFICE AREA
Toby: (skeptical) You solved it.
Michael: Yes.
Toby: Okay, well, good. (pulls out a folder) We can, uh, throw that one out.
(Toby starts shuffling through the folder of papers)
Michael: Are those all the other complaints?
Toby: Mm-hmm.
Michael: I would like to see those please.
Toby: I-I can't do that.
Michael: You can't do that, huh? Okay. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file.
Toby: That- (shakes his head and puts his hand over the file protectively)
Michael: Okay. (grabs the folder, they both tug at it) There! No more conflict. (to camera) I had to use the win-lose on that. It was not pretty. All right. Is that it?
(Toby sighs as he reaches under his desk and pulls out a file box)
Toby: It's all Dwight's.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF TOBY
Toby: Every Friday at 4:00, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.
CUT BACK TO TOBY'S AREA
Michael: Oh, God. All right. Why do I have to do everything?
(The camera pans to the break room)
(Oscar is standing in front of the camera with the baby poster tucked under his collar)
Photographer: Are you sure?
Dwight: Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.
(Oscar is straight faced as the camera flashes)
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael is reading from the folder of complaints)
Michael: This, is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed- Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: (sarcastically) Nice.
Michael: You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF TOBY
Toby: Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This (unlocks a drawer) is January through March of this year. (pulls out a folder just a bit bigger than the original complaint folder)
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael walks out with Pam in tow)
Michael: How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee?
(Everybody raises their hands)
Michael: And, did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on?
(Everybody mumbles, "Merely listened to...")
Michael: That is outrageous! I love this place...
(Pam shakes her head and rolls her eyes)
Michael: ...and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering- okay. Today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. All right, how about the Phyllis-Angela dispute?
Angela: You already did me.
(Jim looks at the camera and mouths "That's what she said" at the same time as Michael)
Michael: That's what she said. The thing is, Angela, you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. (Angela looks at the ground nervously) Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted."
Toby: Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off.
(Angela starts fiddling with her pencil looking a little scared)
Michael: O-kay. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago.
Dwight: W-w-wait! If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?
(Angela looks really concerned now, Pam notices this and saves her)
Pam: Um...let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me?
Michael: All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it. And...okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next.
Pam: Wait, what did it say?
Michael: Uh, "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Shouldn't she do that at home?"
(Pam shoots Angela an incredulous look)
Michael: Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right?
(Pam sits back down, but glared at Angela)
Pam: (VO) I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to he...
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: ...and I haven't told anyone, and...what the hell?!
Michael: Here is a Kelly complaint. "Ryan never returns my calls." Ah, join the club.
Ryan: My voice mail's real spotty...sometimes.
Kelly: I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.
Toby: To your HR representative.
Kelly: To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn.
Toby: Fine, I'll take your name off. (sarcastically to Michael) So no one will know.
(Michael crumbles up the current complaint)
Michael: Making progress.
(Jim raises his hand)
Michael: (to Jim) Yes.
Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
Dwight: (to Toby) Okay, question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York?
Toby: Sure.
(The camera pans around to the area between reception and accounting)
(Pam stands up to get a better look at Angela over the partition)
Michael: (OS) Stanley.
Pam: Hey. (bitter) Thanks for ratting me out.
Michael: (OS) You got a lot of anger under there buddy, come on start us out, unleash it.
Angela: I didn't do it.
Stanley: (OS) You really want to hear my problems Michael?
Pam: I find that hard to believe...
Michael: (OS) Yes I do.
Pam: ...considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.
(Angela has no response)
Stanley: (OS) Are you sure?
Michael: (OS) Nope.
Stanley: (OS) Because I will.
(The camera pans around to Michael)
Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
(Michael looks at the camera confused then looks to the bathroom door)
(We see the standard industrial stick man picture on the door)
Michael: (ignoring Creed) Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela is giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee.
Phyllis: No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close.
Michael: And...also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him.
Phyllis: Stanley and I are close too.
Stanley: We sit close.
Michael: O-kay.
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Toby is sitting down for his picture)
Toby: (exhausted) Just take it.
(Gets up before the flash even goes off)
(The camera tilts down to his photo on the computer)
(His face is barely in frame)
CUT TO THE KITCHEN
(Jim is pouring himself some coffee, Pam is talking to him)
Pam: I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby.
Jim: Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends.
Pam: Don't take her side.
Jim: (scoffs) Well, what does Roy think about everything?
Pam: (lost in thought) I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.
Jim: You mean your thoughts and your feelings?
Pam: (oblivious) Yeah.
Jim: Yeah.
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Phyllis and Angela are sitting across the table from one another)
(Michael is sitting between them)
Phyllis: I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting.
Angela: Yes, that's the problem.
Phyllis: I guess so.
Michael: Okay, all settled, then.
(Phyllis turns to Angela)
Phyllis: (whispering with hate) I don't like you.
(Angela looks at her shocked)
CUT TO LATER IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
(Ryan sighs and Creed looks up smugly)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF CREED
Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death.
CUT TO LATER (AGAIN) IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Kevin and Angela are sitting across from each other now)
Michael: All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution. Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable.
Kevin: (quickly) I accept your decision.
(Angela looks at Kevin disgusted and a bit frightened)
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Dwight is sitting in front of the camera combing his hair)
(Jim is sitting at the computer where the badges are made)
Jim: You know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together.
Dwight: That doesn't make any sense.
Jim: Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect.
Photographer: Smile.
Dwight: No.
(The camera shows Dwight's picture, he is very stern and creepy looking)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
CUT BACK TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Jim picks up a sheet coming out of the laminating machine)
Jim: This came out really well. (snaps a clip onto the sheet) There you go.
Dwight: This is humongous. I am not a security threat.
Jim: Oh.
Dwight: And my middle name is Kurt. Not Fart.
Jim: What did I write?
(Jim pretends to look at the badge for errors, Dwight storms out)
(Jim smiles at the camera)
(The camera follows Dwight as he makes his way to Toby's desk)
Dwight: I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file.
Toby: Talk to Michael. I gave him the box.
Dwight: What box?
(Toby looks at the camera, "Oh crap.")
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Phyllis and Stanley are sitting across from each other)
(Dwight breaks into the room)
Phyllis: But I didn't report your snoring-
Stanley: Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays-
(Dwight reaches over and opens up a box of complaints)
Michael: Okay.
(Dwight starts angrily shuffling through the papers)
Michael: Dwight.
Dwight: Ah...agh...dgh...Ahh! No, no! (holding up some papers) Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand.
Michael: Okay. Calm down.
Dwight: Nooo! You calm down. Whose side is Toby on? Whose side are you on?!
Michael: Hey, hey!
Dwight: Him or me?
Michael: Stop.
Dwight: Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore.
Michael: Okay.
Dwight: Either he goes, or I go.
Michael: Dwight-
Dwight: You choose!
Michael: Stop-
Dwight: One of us is out of here by the end of today.
(Dwight angrily puts the papers back in the box and gathers everything up)
(He runs out of the room with the box, slamming the door on the way)
Michael: Okay. (looks at the camera)
CUT TO LATER IN MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Dwight: I am not bluffing! Okay?
Michael: Okay, yes.
Dwight: Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Dwight: I deserve this, you know I do!
(Michael is looking at something on his desk)
Michael: (snickers) You know your I.D. says you're a security threat?
Dwight: (un-amused) You have 'till 5:00.
(Dwight leaves the office)
(The camera pans down to his badge, it reads, "DWIGHT FART SCHRUTE, ASST. to the REGIONAL MANAGER, SECURITY THREAT)
CUT TO DWIGHT AND JIM'S DESK AREA
(Dwight is looking at job listings on his computer)
Dwight: Oh, look, Jim. There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you. 'Cause I'll still be working here.
(Jims looks back to his computer uninterested)
(Dwight starts slapping his desk in rhythm)
Dwight: (chanting) Trans-fer, trans-fer, everybody. Trans-fer, trans-fer, trans-fer!
(Michael walks out of his office)
Michael: O-kay. You two, in the conference room, with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out. (to camera) Cage match.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Jim and Dwight are sitting across from each other)
Michael: Okay, so, Dwight, in your own words. "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert."
(Dwight glares at Jim)
(Michael puts the current paper down and picks up another one)
Michael: "Everyone has called my Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
(Jims nods to the camera)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: (laughs) Yes, five bucks each. And it was totally worth it.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: (reading) "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer."
(Dwight looks angrily at Jim)
(Jim feigns surprise)
Michael: "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." (makes a face) Gaaad.
(Jim winces)
(Dwight scowls at Jim)
Michael: "This morning I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
(Michael looks at Dwight confused)
(Jim tries to hide his smile as he silently chuckles)
Jim: (VO) That actually took a while.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: I had to put more an more nickels into his handset, 'till he got used to the weight, and then I just...took 'em all out.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: "Everytime I typed my name it said 'Diapers'."
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL JIM
Jim: Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL JIM
Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day. (looks down in thought with an expression of disappointment and self pity)
CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA
(Phyllis is looking in the fridge)
(Angela walks in and makes her way to he fridge)
(Just as she approaches, Phyllis slams the fridge door on her and walks away upset)
(Angela watches her leave with shock)
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael is unlocking the door to get out)
(He gives the camera a quick glance before walking out to the office area)
(Pam is eating yogurt on the couch, she gives Michael a death glare)
(Phyllis is at her desk resting her forehead in her hand upset)
(Creed is sitting at his desk, glaring at Michael as he passes)
Michael: (VO) The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage...
(Michael makes his way through the kitchen)
Michael: (VO) where they dig into your body very hard.
(Kevin is making a sandwich with Stanley nearby, they cold stare each other)
(Kelly is at the table, sadly looking at her lunch)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great.
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Michael is sitting in front of the camera for his I.D. badge)
Michael: (VO) I've never had one. They sound awful.
(Michael looks up to see Toby looking at him)
(Michael realizes he just opened a can of worms and looks down as the photo is taken)
CUT BACK TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Dwight is still sitting at the table, Jim is standing by the wall)
Jim: Maybe Stamford would be cool.
Dwight: It's a good market. Higher volume.
Jim: Yeah. (trying to break the mood) Maybe we should both go.
Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do, Dwight, sure.
(Michael walks back in)
Michael: Hey, there's like, 300 more of these. Let's get to them later.
Dwight: Are you going to transfer Jim or not?
Michael: Maybe, I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work.
Dwight: I want an answer by tomorrow.
Michael: Okay- ooh, actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week?
Dwight: Fine.
Michael: Good. Okay.
CUT TO LATER IN THE OFFICE
(Dwight is looking down at his new corrected badge)
(The photographer walks out of the kitchen, leaving for the day)
Michael: Hey! Wait. How about a group picture while you're here?
Photographer: I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos.
Michael: Well, that's, what, a computer camera, right?
Photographer: You mean, digital?
Michael: Yeah, it'll take, like, two seconds.
Photographer: (glances at the camera) 20 bucks.
Michael: (sighs) All right. Everybody, come on. Group photo for the newsletter.
Stanley: You gotta be kidding.
Michael: Come on, everybody.
Dwight: Come on, let's go. Creed, Kevin, Oscar, andale, let's go.
(Everybody reluctantly gets up)
CUT TO THE RECEPTION AREA
Photographer: One, two, three, smile.
(Everybody stands around looking cranky and upset)
Photographer: Try to smile.
Michael: We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts.
(Pam looks at Angela and rolls her eyes)
(Jim starts yawning)
Photographer: Alright, I'm just gonna take it on three whether you smile or not. One, two, three.
(The camera flashes)
Michael: Good, let's check that out.
(Michael takes a look at the preview screen)
Michael: Ew, okay, all right. One more. We'll take one more.
Photographer: That'll be another 20.
Michael: What?
Pam: Angela, I want to talk to you about something.
Michael: (OS to photographer) You just press the button.
Angela: What?
Jim: No, Pam, don't.
Pam: (to Jim) I am. (to Angela) It's about the Save The Date.
Jim: Pam it wasn't her.
(Dwight is in the background moving Ryan around for optimum picture placement)
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm the one who complained about you.
(Pam's face is expressionless)
Michael: (OS) Alright, come on, one more time!
Jim: I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down.
(The camera flashes)
Jim: I was just venting.
Michael: (OS) Okay, good. Check that out.
Jim: You know, it was one day.
Michael: (OS) That's terrible.
Jim: And I took it right back. It was like...
Pam: Okay.
Phyllis: Oh, dear.
Michael: (OS) Let's pay Mr. Price gouger.
(Michael rejoins the group)
Michael: Okay...we can do this. Come on, everybody. All right. Here we go.
(Before Michael even gets settled down, the flash goes off)
Michael: (VO) It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. He would not give me a good discount. And eight tries added up.
(Michael takes a look at the preview, says "One more" and rejoins the group)
Michael: One, two- (flash goes off) Didn't say three, did I?
CUT TO SOMETIME LATER
(The camera is zoomed in on the final group picture)
Michael: (VO) But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop.
(The camera zooms out to show the entire picture)
Michael: (VO) So it turned out fine in the end.
(The photo is horribly Photoshopped, people's heads don't match their bodies)
Michael: (VO) When people work together there is going to be conflict. You can't outrun your problems.
CUT TO A LATER DAY
(Pam is at reception listening to messages)
Jim: (on message) Hey, Pam, it's Jim. Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. So I probably won't be in 'till the late afternoon. Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye.
CUT TO THE CORPORATE OFFICE OF DUNDER MIFFLIN
(Jim is sitting on a waiting couch with his bag)
Lady: Okay, Jan will see you now.
Jim: Oh, thanks.
Michael: (VO) And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing.
(Jim looks at the camera)
Michael: (VO) But here's the thing...
(Jan holds the door open for Jim and motions him to her office)
Michael: (VO)...about cage matches. Sometimes you have to open the cage.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: And that is something that Toby will never understand.
CUT TO THE WAREHOUSE
(Toby is carrying a box to a shelf)
(He places the unidentified box in a niche amongst many similar boxes)
(Toby walks away as the camera zooms out to reveal even more boxes)
THE END
(Angela is making copies)
(Kevin is standing at reception, impatiently tapping the counter)
(Pam looks up)
Kevin: So, uh, you found a band yet for your wedding?
Pam: No.
Kevin: 'Cause I'm in a band.
(Jim glances up from his desk)
Kevin: (OS) We really rock.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: Yeah, I mean, it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it.
CUT BACK TO OFFICE
(Kevin pumps his fist as he makes his way back to his desk)
Jim: (VO) She hears me arranging my social life...
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: ...and we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the internet, so it evens out.
CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA
(Phyllis is walking in, Pam is following)
Phyllis: So I got the Save The Date.
Pam: Yeah?
(In the background, Jim walks in)
Phyllis: Yeah, pretty stationary.
Pam: Oh, thanks.
(Jim hears the conversation and immediately turns around and walks out, unnoticed)
(Angela is eating at the table)
Angela: I didn't get mine yet.
(The camera pans to Kelly at the fridge, who looks at Pam)
Pam: Um...
(Pam looks at the camera uncomfortably)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: There are a few people I decided not to invite. And that might make things kind of awkward, but...it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.
CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: (to camera) Yes, thanks. Fantastic Sam's. Adult cut plus. (pats his hair) Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.
CUT TO BREAKROOM
(Phyllis is sitting in front of the camera with a lot of make up on)
Phyllis: Uh, on or off?
Photographer: Off.
Phyllis: Okay. (takes off her glasses)
Dwight: Oh, what is on your face? Is that a disguise?
(Phyllis looks like she's going to cry)
Phyllis: Excuse me. (quietly walks out and briskly walks out)
Dwight: Clown paint.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Ryan is sitting in Michael's office)
Michael: That's a nice tie.
Ryan: Thank you.
(Michael walks over to Ryan)
(Ryan shifts in his seat)
Michael: That is...(picks up Ryan's tie) who makes that?
Ryan: Um, I don't know.
(Ryan looks uncomfortable)
Michael: Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?
(Michael leans in close to compare their ties)
Ryan: (looks at camera) Um, let's, um...let's keep our clothes.
(Michael gets distracted by yelling from the conference room)
Oscar: (OS) It's like child abuse!
(Michael looks at the camera)
Oscar: (OS) I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby. I mean, on so many levels!
(Ryan quickly goes back to his desk)
(Michael walks to the conference room and opens the door)
Oscar: And I'm supposed to work there! I'm supposed- (notices Michael)
Michael: What's the deal-e-o?
Toby: Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but, uh, the photographer's back there.
Michael: What's the problem?
Oscar: Angela.
Toby: It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace.
Oscar: Since Christmas.
Michael: So what, you're having a little spat? I forget, are you guys dating?
Oscar: No.
Toby: Michael, can I talk to you for a second, please?
Michael: Yes.
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF CONFERENCE ROOM
Toby: (in a low voice) Here's how I usually handle this. All I do is listen. You know, these things just have a way of working themselves out.
Michael: Mm...
Toby: It's like if you write someone a letter when you're really angry. They say to keep it in your drawer for a couple days, and then you just never end up sending it.
Michael: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced, so-
Toby: Okay.
Michael: Okay, what?
Toby: That was a right decision for me and my marriage.
Michael: Yeah. Well, that's not gonna fly here because in this office it is till death do us part. Assuming that we don't get downsized. Uh, Pam, would you get Angela and meet us in the conference room, please?
CUT TO LATER IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael is showing the camera a binder that reads "A MEDIATORS TOOLCHEST")
(Angela and Oscar are sitting across from each other, Pam is sitting beside Michael)
Michael: A Mediator's Toolchest.
(Silence)
Michael: Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that there are five different styles of conflict. My Shaolin Temple style defeats your Monkey Style.
Angela: (irritated) Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.
Michael: No, this is important. Okay, the first style is "lose-lose".
Oscar: (interrupting) What's the next one?
Michael: Just, hold on, please. Okay, if we do lose-lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? (no response) You-you would both lose. Now, I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation?
Angela: Can we just skip to whatever number five is? Win-win or whatever?
Michael: Win-win, is number four, and number five is win-win-win. The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.
CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA
(Michael, Pam, Angela, and Oscar are standing in front of the baby poster from "Christmas Party")
Michael: Okay, so this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using "I" emotion language and no judging, or "you" statements.
Angela: I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it every day. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.
Michael: Come on, seriously. That?
Oscar: I don't like looking at it. It's creepy and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who forced the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porno.
Michael: Okay, okay, okay!
Oscar: I'm talking about the kind...
Angela: Oh my God.
Michael: Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can't just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win-win.
Pam: Win.
Michael: Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about, Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it, and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win...win...win.
Oscar: No.
Angela: That's- no.
(Angela and Oscar shake their heads)
Michael: Okay, well, brainstorm. Own the solution.
Angela: How about I leave it up?
Oscar: How about she takes it down?
Pam: How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Michael: Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style three, and it is not ideal. To sum up, win-win, make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-lose, take the poster down. Compromise, Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is...make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-win.
Pam: Win.
Oscar: Fine.
Angela: But-
(Michael claps his hands)
Michael: It is done!
CUT TO BREAK ROOM
(Creed is getting his photograph taken)
(After the first photo he turns to the side for a profile shot)
Photographer: No, you're all good.
Creed: Great.
(Creed leaves, the camera tilts down to show his photo on the computer)
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Pam walks over to Angela's area and hands her a card)
Pam: Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code.
Angela: Oh, thanks. (gives a rare smile) (VO) It was hand-delivered.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF ANGELA
Angela: ...but I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste.
CUT TO TOBY'S OFFICE AREA
Toby: (skeptical) You solved it.
Michael: Yes.
Toby: Okay, well, good. (pulls out a folder) We can, uh, throw that one out.
(Toby starts shuffling through the folder of papers)
Michael: Are those all the other complaints?
Toby: Mm-hmm.
Michael: I would like to see those please.
Toby: I-I can't do that.
Michael: You can't do that, huh? Okay. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file.
Toby: That- (shakes his head and puts his hand over the file protectively)
Michael: Okay. (grabs the folder, they both tug at it) There! No more conflict. (to camera) I had to use the win-lose on that. It was not pretty. All right. Is that it?
(Toby sighs as he reaches under his desk and pulls out a file box)
Toby: It's all Dwight's.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF TOBY
Toby: Every Friday at 4:00, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.
CUT BACK TO TOBY'S AREA
Michael: Oh, God. All right. Why do I have to do everything?
(The camera pans to the break room)
(Oscar is standing in front of the camera with the baby poster tucked under his collar)
Photographer: Are you sure?
Dwight: Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.
(Oscar is straight faced as the camera flashes)
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael is reading from the folder of complaints)
Michael: This, is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed- Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: (sarcastically) Nice.
Michael: You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF TOBY
Toby: Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This (unlocks a drawer) is January through March of this year. (pulls out a folder just a bit bigger than the original complaint folder)
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael walks out with Pam in tow)
Michael: How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee?
(Everybody raises their hands)
Michael: And, did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on?
(Everybody mumbles, "Merely listened to...")
Michael: That is outrageous! I love this place...
(Pam shakes her head and rolls her eyes)
Michael: ...and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering- okay. Today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. All right, how about the Phyllis-Angela dispute?
Angela: You already did me.
(Jim looks at the camera and mouths "That's what she said" at the same time as Michael)
Michael: That's what she said. The thing is, Angela, you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. (Angela looks at the ground nervously) Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted."
Toby: Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off.
(Angela starts fiddling with her pencil looking a little scared)
Michael: O-kay. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago.
Dwight: W-w-wait! If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?
(Angela looks really concerned now, Pam notices this and saves her)
Pam: Um...let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me?
Michael: All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it. And...okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next.
Pam: Wait, what did it say?
Michael: Uh, "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Shouldn't she do that at home?"
(Pam shoots Angela an incredulous look)
Michael: Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right?
(Pam sits back down, but glared at Angela)
Pam: (VO) I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to he...
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: ...and I haven't told anyone, and...what the hell?!
Michael: Here is a Kelly complaint. "Ryan never returns my calls." Ah, join the club.
Ryan: My voice mail's real spotty...sometimes.
Kelly: I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.
Toby: To your HR representative.
Kelly: To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn.
Toby: Fine, I'll take your name off. (sarcastically to Michael) So no one will know.
(Michael crumbles up the current complaint)
Michael: Making progress.
(Jim raises his hand)
Michael: (to Jim) Yes.
Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
Dwight: (to Toby) Okay, question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York?
Toby: Sure.
(The camera pans around to the area between reception and accounting)
(Pam stands up to get a better look at Angela over the partition)
Michael: (OS) Stanley.
Pam: Hey. (bitter) Thanks for ratting me out.
Michael: (OS) You got a lot of anger under there buddy, come on start us out, unleash it.
Angela: I didn't do it.
Stanley: (OS) You really want to hear my problems Michael?
Pam: I find that hard to believe...
Michael: (OS) Yes I do.
Pam: ...considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.
(Angela has no response)
Stanley: (OS) Are you sure?
Michael: (OS) Nope.
Stanley: (OS) Because I will.
(The camera pans around to Michael)
Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
(Michael looks at the camera confused then looks to the bathroom door)
(We see the standard industrial stick man picture on the door)
Michael: (ignoring Creed) Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela is giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee.
Phyllis: No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close.
Michael: And...also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him.
Phyllis: Stanley and I are close too.
Stanley: We sit close.
Michael: O-kay.
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Toby is sitting down for his picture)
Toby: (exhausted) Just take it.
(Gets up before the flash even goes off)
(The camera tilts down to his photo on the computer)
(His face is barely in frame)
CUT TO THE KITCHEN
(Jim is pouring himself some coffee, Pam is talking to him)
Pam: I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby.
Jim: Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends.
Pam: Don't take her side.
Jim: (scoffs) Well, what does Roy think about everything?
Pam: (lost in thought) I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.
Jim: You mean your thoughts and your feelings?
Pam: (oblivious) Yeah.
Jim: Yeah.
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Phyllis and Angela are sitting across the table from one another)
(Michael is sitting between them)
Phyllis: I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting.
Angela: Yes, that's the problem.
Phyllis: I guess so.
Michael: Okay, all settled, then.
(Phyllis turns to Angela)
Phyllis: (whispering with hate) I don't like you.
(Angela looks at her shocked)
CUT TO LATER IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
(Ryan sighs and Creed looks up smugly)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF CREED
Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death.
CUT TO LATER (AGAIN) IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Kevin and Angela are sitting across from each other now)
Michael: All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution. Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable.
Kevin: (quickly) I accept your decision.
(Angela looks at Kevin disgusted and a bit frightened)
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Dwight is sitting in front of the camera combing his hair)
(Jim is sitting at the computer where the badges are made)
Jim: You know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together.
Dwight: That doesn't make any sense.
Jim: Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect.
Photographer: Smile.
Dwight: No.
(The camera shows Dwight's picture, he is very stern and creepy looking)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
CUT BACK TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Jim picks up a sheet coming out of the laminating machine)
Jim: This came out really well. (snaps a clip onto the sheet) There you go.
Dwight: This is humongous. I am not a security threat.
Jim: Oh.
Dwight: And my middle name is Kurt. Not Fart.
Jim: What did I write?
(Jim pretends to look at the badge for errors, Dwight storms out)
(Jim smiles at the camera)
(The camera follows Dwight as he makes his way to Toby's desk)
Dwight: I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file.
Toby: Talk to Michael. I gave him the box.
Dwight: What box?
(Toby looks at the camera, "Oh crap.")
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Phyllis and Stanley are sitting across from each other)
(Dwight breaks into the room)
Phyllis: But I didn't report your snoring-
Stanley: Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays-
(Dwight reaches over and opens up a box of complaints)
Michael: Okay.
(Dwight starts angrily shuffling through the papers)
Michael: Dwight.
Dwight: Ah...agh...dgh...Ahh! No, no! (holding up some papers) Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand.
Michael: Okay. Calm down.
Dwight: Nooo! You calm down. Whose side is Toby on? Whose side are you on?!
Michael: Hey, hey!
Dwight: Him or me?
Michael: Stop.
Dwight: Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore.
Michael: Okay.
Dwight: Either he goes, or I go.
Michael: Dwight-
Dwight: You choose!
Michael: Stop-
Dwight: One of us is out of here by the end of today.
(Dwight angrily puts the papers back in the box and gathers everything up)
(He runs out of the room with the box, slamming the door on the way)
Michael: Okay. (looks at the camera)
CUT TO LATER IN MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Dwight: I am not bluffing! Okay?
Michael: Okay, yes.
Dwight: Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Dwight: I deserve this, you know I do!
(Michael is looking at something on his desk)
Michael: (snickers) You know your I.D. says you're a security threat?
Dwight: (un-amused) You have 'till 5:00.
(Dwight leaves the office)
(The camera pans down to his badge, it reads, "DWIGHT FART SCHRUTE, ASST. to the REGIONAL MANAGER, SECURITY THREAT)
CUT TO DWIGHT AND JIM'S DESK AREA
(Dwight is looking at job listings on his computer)
Dwight: Oh, look, Jim. There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you. 'Cause I'll still be working here.
(Jims looks back to his computer uninterested)
(Dwight starts slapping his desk in rhythm)
Dwight: (chanting) Trans-fer, trans-fer, everybody. Trans-fer, trans-fer, trans-fer!
(Michael walks out of his office)
Michael: O-kay. You two, in the conference room, with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out. (to camera) Cage match.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Jim and Dwight are sitting across from each other)
Michael: Okay, so, Dwight, in your own words. "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert."
(Dwight glares at Jim)
(Michael puts the current paper down and picks up another one)
Michael: "Everyone has called my Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
(Jims nods to the camera)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: (laughs) Yes, five bucks each. And it was totally worth it.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: (reading) "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer."
(Dwight looks angrily at Jim)
(Jim feigns surprise)
Michael: "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." (makes a face) Gaaad.
(Jim winces)
(Dwight scowls at Jim)
Michael: "This morning I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
(Michael looks at Dwight confused)
(Jim tries to hide his smile as he silently chuckles)
Jim: (VO) That actually took a while.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: I had to put more an more nickels into his handset, 'till he got used to the weight, and then I just...took 'em all out.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: "Everytime I typed my name it said 'Diapers'."
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL JIM
Jim: Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Michael: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL JIM
Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day. (looks down in thought with an expression of disappointment and self pity)
CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA
(Phyllis is looking in the fridge)
(Angela walks in and makes her way to he fridge)
(Just as she approaches, Phyllis slams the fridge door on her and walks away upset)
(Angela watches her leave with shock)
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Michael is unlocking the door to get out)
(He gives the camera a quick glance before walking out to the office area)
(Pam is eating yogurt on the couch, she gives Michael a death glare)
(Phyllis is at her desk resting her forehead in her hand upset)
(Creed is sitting at his desk, glaring at Michael as he passes)
Michael: (VO) The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage...
(Michael makes his way through the kitchen)
Michael: (VO) where they dig into your body very hard.
(Kevin is making a sandwich with Stanley nearby, they cold stare each other)
(Kelly is at the table, sadly looking at her lunch)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great.
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Michael is sitting in front of the camera for his I.D. badge)
Michael: (VO) I've never had one. They sound awful.
(Michael looks up to see Toby looking at him)
(Michael realizes he just opened a can of worms and looks down as the photo is taken)
CUT BACK TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Dwight is still sitting at the table, Jim is standing by the wall)
Jim: Maybe Stamford would be cool.
Dwight: It's a good market. Higher volume.
Jim: Yeah. (trying to break the mood) Maybe we should both go.
Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do, Dwight, sure.
(Michael walks back in)
Michael: Hey, there's like, 300 more of these. Let's get to them later.
Dwight: Are you going to transfer Jim or not?
Michael: Maybe, I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work.
Dwight: I want an answer by tomorrow.
Michael: Okay- ooh, actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week?
Dwight: Fine.
Michael: Good. Okay.
CUT TO LATER IN THE OFFICE
(Dwight is looking down at his new corrected badge)
(The photographer walks out of the kitchen, leaving for the day)
Michael: Hey! Wait. How about a group picture while you're here?
Photographer: I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos.
Michael: Well, that's, what, a computer camera, right?
Photographer: You mean, digital?
Michael: Yeah, it'll take, like, two seconds.
Photographer: (glances at the camera) 20 bucks.
Michael: (sighs) All right. Everybody, come on. Group photo for the newsletter.
Stanley: You gotta be kidding.
Michael: Come on, everybody.
Dwight: Come on, let's go. Creed, Kevin, Oscar, andale, let's go.
(Everybody reluctantly gets up)
CUT TO THE RECEPTION AREA
Photographer: One, two, three, smile.
(Everybody stands around looking cranky and upset)
Photographer: Try to smile.
Michael: We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts.
(Pam looks at Angela and rolls her eyes)
(Jim starts yawning)
Photographer: Alright, I'm just gonna take it on three whether you smile or not. One, two, three.
(The camera flashes)
Michael: Good, let's check that out.
(Michael takes a look at the preview screen)
Michael: Ew, okay, all right. One more. We'll take one more.
Photographer: That'll be another 20.
Michael: What?
Pam: Angela, I want to talk to you about something.
Michael: (OS to photographer) You just press the button.
Angela: What?
Jim: No, Pam, don't.
Pam: (to Jim) I am. (to Angela) It's about the Save The Date.
Jim: Pam it wasn't her.
(Dwight is in the background moving Ryan around for optimum picture placement)
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm the one who complained about you.
(Pam's face is expressionless)
Michael: (OS) Alright, come on, one more time!
Jim: I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down.
(The camera flashes)
Jim: I was just venting.
Michael: (OS) Okay, good. Check that out.
Jim: You know, it was one day.
Michael: (OS) That's terrible.
Jim: And I took it right back. It was like...
Pam: Okay.
Phyllis: Oh, dear.
Michael: (OS) Let's pay Mr. Price gouger.
(Michael rejoins the group)
Michael: Okay...we can do this. Come on, everybody. All right. Here we go.
(Before Michael even gets settled down, the flash goes off)
Michael: (VO) It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. He would not give me a good discount. And eight tries added up.
(Michael takes a look at the preview, says "One more" and rejoins the group)
Michael: One, two- (flash goes off) Didn't say three, did I?
CUT TO SOMETIME LATER
(The camera is zoomed in on the final group picture)
Michael: (VO) But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop.
(The camera zooms out to show the entire picture)
Michael: (VO) So it turned out fine in the end.
(The photo is horribly Photoshopped, people's heads don't match their bodies)
Michael: (VO) When people work together there is going to be conflict. You can't outrun your problems.
CUT TO A LATER DAY
(Pam is at reception listening to messages)
Jim: (on message) Hey, Pam, it's Jim. Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. So I probably won't be in 'till the late afternoon. Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye.
CUT TO THE CORPORATE OFFICE OF DUNDER MIFFLIN
(Jim is sitting on a waiting couch with his bag)
Lady: Okay, Jan will see you now.
Jim: Oh, thanks.
Michael: (VO) And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing.
(Jim looks at the camera)
Michael: (VO) But here's the thing...
(Jan holds the door open for Jim and motions him to her office)
Michael: (VO)...about cage matches. Sometimes you have to open the cage.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: And that is something that Toby will never understand.
CUT TO THE WAREHOUSE
(Toby is carrying a box to a shelf)
(He places the unidentified box in a niche amongst many similar boxes)
(Toby walks away as the camera zooms out to reveal even more boxes)
THE END