(no subject)
I made a lot of mistakes over the last two years. I know I am not a bad person, but even a good or neutral person does some stupid things. I'm trying to better myself. I don't know why self destruction was so appealing to me. I am trying to set short term goals right now and see where they take me. It seems like when I set a long term goal for myself, it ends up looking like too much work for a too distant payoff. I alienated two people I really shouldn't have, and I regret it more and more every day. I miss talking about nothing, laughing about it more and then repeating the process the next day. I did it to myself too, I wrecked it. I was blind, and I let myself burn a bridge I can not see myself repairing. I'm not really upset anymore about it, it's just something that lingers in the back of my mind. I like people, and I like optimistic people ever more. Lately I find myself wondering what I could have done differently in the past, when I really should be concentrating on what I need to do in the now, and in the future. Or in my case, what NOT to do. I'm torn at my job, despite the fact that it is light-years more fulfilling than Adelphia. I think I really need to make up my mind and stick to it, a big problem I have is letting myself be swayed by others opinion. I have such strong opinions and even advice for others. Lately it seems like I advise "Whatever I do, do the opposite!". I should really start looking at the consequences of my actions.
My uncle Skip passed away about a month ago. He drank himself to death. My aunt is on her way to doing the same thing, even at a slower pace. My Mom drank a lot until 7 years ago, and her father drank until he could no longer get away with it. I know alcoholism is genetic, I see myself easily turning that way. (I do however, have AWFUL hangovers). Nothing comes easily, no scratch that. Nothing RIGHT comes easily. I just need to find my way to the left.
I went to Daytona Beach last week and I saw first hand how happy Frank and Angela are together, and it made me really happy. That is something that would usually make me so jealous it would hurt.
All in all though, I have been happy. Hard to believe? I have a good car, a good job, great friends. I am living with the best roommate I could hope for in a nice house. Living in Niagara County really has shown me the light. Erie county is evil! On that note, I leave you.
My uncle Skip passed away about a month ago. He drank himself to death. My aunt is on her way to doing the same thing, even at a slower pace. My Mom drank a lot until 7 years ago, and her father drank until he could no longer get away with it. I know alcoholism is genetic, I see myself easily turning that way. (I do however, have AWFUL hangovers). Nothing comes easily, no scratch that. Nothing RIGHT comes easily. I just need to find my way to the left.
I went to Daytona Beach last week and I saw first hand how happy Frank and Angela are together, and it made me really happy. That is something that would usually make me so jealous it would hurt.
All in all though, I have been happy. Hard to believe? I have a good car, a good job, great friends. I am living with the best roommate I could hope for in a nice house. Living in Niagara County really has shown me the light. Erie county is evil! On that note, I leave you.