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Don't you just hate it when you put a lot of time and effort into courting someone, and things go awry? I know I do. Dinners, movies, the whole nine. Girls, and I suppose guys too really know how to milk something
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Turned out during the dinner through a few tiny signs that it might have been, in his mind, a date. Or an attempt to find a replacement for his wife, who told him she wanted to divorce some days later o_O
I back peddled very fast and took back my distance, not knowing how to say "Friends only" since we were not even big friends yet, and he had made no definite move, so I figured it would have been hurtful to say that. It was more a "first contact" kind of date, testing the waters. Or he felt his marriage was going to hell and couldn't stand the thought of being alone. Who knows?
My view of it is that if the guy (or other person) seems to be genuinely taken, but you're not, then yes it's less painful for him to cut short rather than letting him hope for something that won't happen. Otherwise, yes, it's unfair.
And I find it extremely uncomfortable to be wooed by someone I'm not interested in.
Because if they're being really nice, I feel sorry that I can't reciprocate, but in the same time, I don't want to date them out of pity or as a "reward" for gifts.
When I discussed the matter with other colleagues, they were all horrified by how "cold" I was to that guy, and didn't get my point.
Comment from a female colleague : "But it's nice to get wooed!"
... I'm not feeding my ego from the pain I inflict to people who might be interested in me.
It looks like I am the weird, horrible person, because I like to make things clear.
I'd apologize on behalf of the part of my gender that is too insecure, too vain and too selfish to avoid manipulating others, but somehow I wonder if I am from the same gender.
(OTOH, yep some guys are insecure and just lead on people to make sure that they can still attract others)
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