Getting back in
So its been a while (four years almost?) and having just looked back at the previous entries, from here, and at xanga, and seeing how much things have changed, I feel the urge to start this thing up again. The short and quick of things, I'm not in Oregon anymore, I'm in grad school, I live on Long Island, going to SUNY Stony Brook, and for almost the last three years now, my life has been great. I'm finally able to say, I'm where I'm at, I'm who I am, and I'm happy with that, and I've been able to do that for such a long time, its mind blowing. Reading through some of my older stuff, I didn't know I'd ever get to this point. Maybe this is what growing up feels like? I don't know, but life's good. It's been good to me. I've been able to find my center, and despite occasionally drifting, I'm always able to get it back. In the past, I was still growing, and I don't even know if I had a center. To me the little winds of life were giant hurricanes. But now, they are just breezes along the way. If this is who I am, and who I'm going to be, I'm happy with it.
Anyways, I guess these really aren't that exciting when you don't have anything to complain about?
I guess my thoughts and feelings aren't very eloquently described by me. But this quote by Andrew McMahon (Something Corporate lead singer) does a much better job... It's a little ironic to me, as I'm 24 right now, and about a month from passing through to 25. The words ring so true with me. And they have for a while now.
"The sun rose for all of us today but for me it meant more than most sunrises of my near 24 years. It meant that this year had past and a new one had begun. It meant that the wires were undone and the scars were just scars and yes; that it's time to move on. In this year I have seen dark places and I have seen some places flooded with light that I never knew existed. I have walked to the door of death and never felt more alive and I have learned something that is inherent whether we chose to live knowing it or not. That we are just pieces of this crazy universe, floating through space like every other piece of this crazy universe. You don't have to push or pull or fight or win, the struggle is illusory. Sometimes or rather, all times, you just have to be. I am doing my best to be and today... it occurs to me that in being I have been very lucky."
Whenever I have doubts, or questions, I read this, and it helps me find my center. The moments I used to long for, times of this blistering peace that is talked about so often, I feel more than ever.
Maybe I'll keep going with this now, and keep this updated, but for now, I'm off to run to the ocean, and maybe dip my feet in...
Anyways, I guess these really aren't that exciting when you don't have anything to complain about?
I guess my thoughts and feelings aren't very eloquently described by me. But this quote by Andrew McMahon (Something Corporate lead singer) does a much better job... It's a little ironic to me, as I'm 24 right now, and about a month from passing through to 25. The words ring so true with me. And they have for a while now.
"The sun rose for all of us today but for me it meant more than most sunrises of my near 24 years. It meant that this year had past and a new one had begun. It meant that the wires were undone and the scars were just scars and yes; that it's time to move on. In this year I have seen dark places and I have seen some places flooded with light that I never knew existed. I have walked to the door of death and never felt more alive and I have learned something that is inherent whether we chose to live knowing it or not. That we are just pieces of this crazy universe, floating through space like every other piece of this crazy universe. You don't have to push or pull or fight or win, the struggle is illusory. Sometimes or rather, all times, you just have to be. I am doing my best to be and today... it occurs to me that in being I have been very lucky."
Whenever I have doubts, or questions, I read this, and it helps me find my center. The moments I used to long for, times of this blistering peace that is talked about so often, I feel more than ever.
Maybe I'll keep going with this now, and keep this updated, but for now, I'm off to run to the ocean, and maybe dip my feet in...