I only wished the good times would last a little longer
I am so fucking tired. I didn't get to bed till after 1am and Jeromy comes in the room around 6:30am with Abegail who is crying and she won't go back to bed. I'm so tired. I don't know why he didn't just give her her pacifier to try to get her to back down alone. I have a feeling that I'll be falling asleep on the couch when she takes a nap.
So Dalila, Matt and Klaudine will be her in a little over a week. Fucking insane I swear! It's making me so stressed out that.. I've been smoking (cigarettes) again .. :( .. In fact right now, I've sunk so low as to smoke half smoken ones that are in Jeromy's ash tray because I am so affraid to buy my own pack because I really don't want to pick the habbit up again. I didn't think all this crapola would bother me, but I had this dream a couple nights ago that proved to me that it is weighing heavily deep in my subconscious. That dream really fucked me up bad. I cried most the day [Wednesday] and all durning therapy. Everything seemed to have come around the corner and bite me in the ass. Though I have KNOWN about this for a REALLY long time. I just haven't really sat down and logically processed all this information. It's become too much to take in.
Mic and Brandon (HOPREFULLY!!!!!!!!!) are coming over the 4th for a party. This will be good concidereing that I will be seeing Matt and everyone on the 6th.. I need time to unwind with some friends. Drink drink drinkin smoke smoke smokin ... a good good time is what I need. I totally wish I had a "support system" here with me when I have to open the door when they arrive. Jeromy will be at work and I know if he were here, he wouldn't be much of a support anyway. I am SOO glad that I have made new friends at work and strangly enough, I have made a new friend in Jessica Spencer (not Spencer since she's married now, not sure what it is now..lol). I went to high school with her and like we never talked, where on a total different "side of the world" so to speak and now we are talking alot through myspace. She is totally awesome and makes me feel happy that there is someone I can confide in that won't talk shit or make me feel small.
I asked my boss for more hours at work. I love working. I really really do. I get to get out of the house and "contribute" .. and I totally love when people tell me that I'm like the fastest cashier they've ever had. And it can preoccupy my mind and help me stay in the present.
"and it's hard to be a human being"
So Dalila, Matt and Klaudine will be her in a little over a week. Fucking insane I swear! It's making me so stressed out that.. I've been smoking (cigarettes) again .. :( .. In fact right now, I've sunk so low as to smoke half smoken ones that are in Jeromy's ash tray because I am so affraid to buy my own pack because I really don't want to pick the habbit up again. I didn't think all this crapola would bother me, but I had this dream a couple nights ago that proved to me that it is weighing heavily deep in my subconscious. That dream really fucked me up bad. I cried most the day [Wednesday] and all durning therapy. Everything seemed to have come around the corner and bite me in the ass. Though I have KNOWN about this for a REALLY long time. I just haven't really sat down and logically processed all this information. It's become too much to take in.
Mic and Brandon (HOPREFULLY!!!!!!!!!) are coming over the 4th for a party. This will be good concidereing that I will be seeing Matt and everyone on the 6th.. I need time to unwind with some friends. Drink drink drinkin smoke smoke smokin ... a good good time is what I need. I totally wish I had a "support system" here with me when I have to open the door when they arrive. Jeromy will be at work and I know if he were here, he wouldn't be much of a support anyway. I am SOO glad that I have made new friends at work and strangly enough, I have made a new friend in Jessica Spencer (not Spencer since she's married now, not sure what it is now..lol). I went to high school with her and like we never talked, where on a total different "side of the world" so to speak and now we are talking alot through myspace. She is totally awesome and makes me feel happy that there is someone I can confide in that won't talk shit or make me feel small.
I asked my boss for more hours at work. I love working. I really really do. I get to get out of the house and "contribute" .. and I totally love when people tell me that I'm like the fastest cashier they've ever had. And it can preoccupy my mind and help me stay in the present.
"and it's hard to be a human being"