(no subject)
I have decided the most annoying thing is when you can't get someone out of your head, but they aren't the someone that should be there. Lately I've been dreaming a lot about Ben. Mostly it is just hanging out, playing pool like we used to, and strangely a dream about going furniture shopping. The hard part is the things Dream Ben says. In the playing pool dream, he told me his biggest regret was dating Allison and losing any chance he ever had with me. In the furniture shopping dream, he told me that he felt like he could easily fall in love with me again. I know it is all stupid and silly and just dreams. However, that isn't stopping my brain from thinking about all this. I've never really gotten over my crush on Ben, and feel like Allison stole what should have been mine. I'm just sad I didn't get another chance after they broke up. The worst part of it is I want to get back in touch with him, but don't know how. We haven't talked since he started dating Allison, then I left for Wyoming, and he didn't really come back to the friends she caused him to lose. Whenever I do see him, things are awkward, and I don't even know how he would feel if I tried to initiate contact again. I hate not knowing what to say to somebody that used to be one of my closest friends! I hate to think I lost him forever, and obviously it really upsets my subconscious. But, in the end, I think it has already happened, and there isn't anything I can do about it, except mourn and wonder what kind of strange things we'll do in my dreams next. And, hate Allison, but that is always a given.