Hannah and her sisters
...just saw a film by Woody Allen called Hannah and her sisters. His characters have always reminded me of myself, and something in this film has juststruck a chord with me, so I thought I'd stick it in here so I don't forget it.
....................................................................................................
....an almost isolated path in Central
Park, complete, with old-fashioned streetlamps and scattered
leaves. Holly and Mickey stroll into view, deep in
conversation.
HOLLY
(gesturing)
Gosh, you really went through a
crisis, you know that? H-how did
you get over it? I mean, when I
ran into you, you seemed, you
seemed just perfectly fine. Well,
you seem fine now.
MICKEY
Well...
(chuckling)
I'll tell you.
(sighing)
One day about a month ago...
The film abruptly cuts to Mickey's flashback, a visual
counterpoint to the story he is telling Holly. A close-up
of a nervous, perspiring, and panting Mickey alone in his
apartment appears on the screen as his voice is heard.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...I really hit bottom. You know,
I just felt that in a Godless
universe, I didn't want to go on
living. Now I happen to own this
rifle...
(coughing)
Mickey raises the barrel of a rifle to his forehead. He
shuts his eyes tightly.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...which I loaded, believe it or
not, and pressed it to my forehead.
And I remember thinking, at the
time, I'm gonna kill myself. Then
I thought...what if I'm wrong?
What if there is a God? I mean,
after all, nobody really knows that.
The camera moves past the desperate Mickey to a mirror on
the wall behind him. Its reflection shows his spiral
staircase and some standing lamps. A clock faintly ticks.
MICKEY (V.O.)
But then I thought, no. You know,
maybe is not good enough. I want
certainty or nothing. And I
remember very clearly the clock was
ticking, and I was sitting there
frozen, with the gun to my head,
debating whether to shoot.
The gun goes off with a loud bang. The mirror shatters.
MICKEY (V.O.)
All of a sudden, the gun went off.
Mickey, holding the rifle, is seen running over to the
shattered mirror. The sounds of his excited neighbors,
their shouting, a knocking door, are heard as he continues
his tale.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I had been so tense, my finger had
squeezed the trigger inadvertently...
MICKEY (V.O.)
(continuing)
...but I was perspiring so much,
the gun had slid off my forehead
and missed me.
Mickey, still brandishing the rifle, runs into his sunlit
living room. He looks around frantically, his shirt loose.
Finally, he throws the rifle down between the sofa and the
coffee table. The gun goes off a second time. Mickey,
standing nearby, jumps, his hands flying to his head. The
doorbell rings; the neighbors begin pounding at the door.
MICKEY (V.O.)
And suddenly, neighbors were, were,
pounding on the door, and-and I
don't know, the whole scene was
just pandemonium. And, uh, you
know, and I-I-I-I-I ran to the door.
Mickey runs offscreen briefly to answer the door.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I-I-I-I didn't know what to say.
You know, I was, I was embarrassed
and confused, and my-my-my mind was
r-r-racing a mile a minute...
He returns onscreen, panting; he looks frantically once
again around the living room.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...and I-I jus knew one thing.
The film cuts to a West Side street. It's an overcast day.
Mickey, walking slowly along the sidewalk, passes several
other pedestrians and numerous storefronts, including
Klein's Pharmacy and a "Bar-B-Q" take out. Occasionally, he
is obscured by a tree trunk on the opposite side of the
street; a few taxis go by as he talks over the scene.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I...I-I-I-I had to get out of that
house. I had to just get out in
the fresh air and-and clear my head.
And I remember very clearly. I
walked the streets. I walked and I
walked. I-I didn't know what was
going through my mind. It all
seemed so violent and un-unreal to
me. And I wandered...
The movie cuts to the exterior of the Metro movie theater,
with its smoked glass entrance doors and its Art Deco feel.
An old publicity photo hangs inside. Mickey's reflection is
seen at the almost-transparent doors, as well as the
reflection of the street and various cars whizzing by. His
reflection walks towards the theater entrance; he continues
his story.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...for a long time on the Upper
West Side, you know, an-and it must
have been hours! You know, my, my
feet hurt. My head was, was
pounding, and, and I had to sit
down. I went into a movie house.
I-I didn't know what was playing or
anything.
Mickey walks into the movie house. He is seen through the
glass doors, which still reflect the street and traffic
outside. He makes his way through the lobby into the actual
theater.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I just, I just needed a moment to
gather my thoughts and, and be
logical, and, and put the world
back into rational perspective.
The film abruptly cuts to the theater's black-and-white
screen, where the Marx Brothers, in Duck Soup, play the
helmets of several soldiers standing in a line like a live
xylophone. The sounds of the "xylophone" are heard as the
movie cuts to the darkened theater, where Mickey slowly sits
down in a balcony seat. The "xylophone" music stops and
changes to "Hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-ho" as sung
by the Marx Brothers and ensemble in the movie. The singing
continues faintly in the background as Mickey continues his
tale:
MICKEY (V.O.)
And I went upstairs to the balcony,
and I sat down
(sighing)
and, you know, the movie was a-a-a
film that I'd seen many times in my
life since I was a kid, an-and I
always u-uh, loved it. And, you
know, I'm, I'm watching these
people up on the screen, and I
started getting hooked o-on the
film, you know?
MICKEY (V.O.)
...And I started to feel how can
you even think of killing yourself?
I mean, isn't it so stupid? I
mean, l-look at all the people up
there on the screen. You know,
they're real funny, and, and what
if the worst is true?
MICKEY (V.O.)
What if there's no God, and you
only go around once and that's it?
Well, you know, don't you want to
be part of the experience? You
know, what the hell, it-i-it's not
all a drag. And I'm thinking to
myself, geez, I should stop ruining
my life...
MICKEY (V.O.)
...searching for answers I'm never
gonna get, and just enjoy it while
it lasts. And...you know...
...after, who knows? I mean, you
know, maybe there is something.
Nobody really knows. I know, I
know "maybe" is a very slim reed to
hang your whole life on, but that's
the best we have. And...then, I
started to sit back, and I actually
began to enjoy myself.
....................................................................................................
I dunno, it just made me smile. On another note, I finally emailed a girl yesterday, after she sent me a happy birthday email, and asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink. I've liked her for, oh... 4 years?
I swear, not more than 5 minutes after I send the email I am talking on msn and someone tells me she's just started goin out with this dude I know. So I have to email her back, telling her to ignore the first one. Woody-Allen stylee!
Heh, ironic, no?
....................................................................................................
....an almost isolated path in Central
Park, complete, with old-fashioned streetlamps and scattered
leaves. Holly and Mickey stroll into view, deep in
conversation.
HOLLY
(gesturing)
Gosh, you really went through a
crisis, you know that? H-how did
you get over it? I mean, when I
ran into you, you seemed, you
seemed just perfectly fine. Well,
you seem fine now.
MICKEY
Well...
(chuckling)
I'll tell you.
(sighing)
One day about a month ago...
The film abruptly cuts to Mickey's flashback, a visual
counterpoint to the story he is telling Holly. A close-up
of a nervous, perspiring, and panting Mickey alone in his
apartment appears on the screen as his voice is heard.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...I really hit bottom. You know,
I just felt that in a Godless
universe, I didn't want to go on
living. Now I happen to own this
rifle...
(coughing)
Mickey raises the barrel of a rifle to his forehead. He
shuts his eyes tightly.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...which I loaded, believe it or
not, and pressed it to my forehead.
And I remember thinking, at the
time, I'm gonna kill myself. Then
I thought...what if I'm wrong?
What if there is a God? I mean,
after all, nobody really knows that.
The camera moves past the desperate Mickey to a mirror on
the wall behind him. Its reflection shows his spiral
staircase and some standing lamps. A clock faintly ticks.
MICKEY (V.O.)
But then I thought, no. You know,
maybe is not good enough. I want
certainty or nothing. And I
remember very clearly the clock was
ticking, and I was sitting there
frozen, with the gun to my head,
debating whether to shoot.
The gun goes off with a loud bang. The mirror shatters.
MICKEY (V.O.)
All of a sudden, the gun went off.
Mickey, holding the rifle, is seen running over to the
shattered mirror. The sounds of his excited neighbors,
their shouting, a knocking door, are heard as he continues
his tale.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I had been so tense, my finger had
squeezed the trigger inadvertently...
MICKEY (V.O.)
(continuing)
...but I was perspiring so much,
the gun had slid off my forehead
and missed me.
Mickey, still brandishing the rifle, runs into his sunlit
living room. He looks around frantically, his shirt loose.
Finally, he throws the rifle down between the sofa and the
coffee table. The gun goes off a second time. Mickey,
standing nearby, jumps, his hands flying to his head. The
doorbell rings; the neighbors begin pounding at the door.
MICKEY (V.O.)
And suddenly, neighbors were, were,
pounding on the door, and-and I
don't know, the whole scene was
just pandemonium. And, uh, you
know, and I-I-I-I-I ran to the door.
Mickey runs offscreen briefly to answer the door.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I-I-I-I didn't know what to say.
You know, I was, I was embarrassed
and confused, and my-my-my mind was
r-r-racing a mile a minute...
He returns onscreen, panting; he looks frantically once
again around the living room.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...and I-I jus knew one thing.
The film cuts to a West Side street. It's an overcast day.
Mickey, walking slowly along the sidewalk, passes several
other pedestrians and numerous storefronts, including
Klein's Pharmacy and a "Bar-B-Q" take out. Occasionally, he
is obscured by a tree trunk on the opposite side of the
street; a few taxis go by as he talks over the scene.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I...I-I-I-I had to get out of that
house. I had to just get out in
the fresh air and-and clear my head.
And I remember very clearly. I
walked the streets. I walked and I
walked. I-I didn't know what was
going through my mind. It all
seemed so violent and un-unreal to
me. And I wandered...
The movie cuts to the exterior of the Metro movie theater,
with its smoked glass entrance doors and its Art Deco feel.
An old publicity photo hangs inside. Mickey's reflection is
seen at the almost-transparent doors, as well as the
reflection of the street and various cars whizzing by. His
reflection walks towards the theater entrance; he continues
his story.
MICKEY (V.O.)
...for a long time on the Upper
West Side, you know, an-and it must
have been hours! You know, my, my
feet hurt. My head was, was
pounding, and, and I had to sit
down. I went into a movie house.
I-I didn't know what was playing or
anything.
Mickey walks into the movie house. He is seen through the
glass doors, which still reflect the street and traffic
outside. He makes his way through the lobby into the actual
theater.
MICKEY (V.O.)
I just, I just needed a moment to
gather my thoughts and, and be
logical, and, and put the world
back into rational perspective.
The film abruptly cuts to the theater's black-and-white
screen, where the Marx Brothers, in Duck Soup, play the
helmets of several soldiers standing in a line like a live
xylophone. The sounds of the "xylophone" are heard as the
movie cuts to the darkened theater, where Mickey slowly sits
down in a balcony seat. The "xylophone" music stops and
changes to "Hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-ho" as sung
by the Marx Brothers and ensemble in the movie. The singing
continues faintly in the background as Mickey continues his
tale:
MICKEY (V.O.)
And I went upstairs to the balcony,
and I sat down
(sighing)
and, you know, the movie was a-a-a
film that I'd seen many times in my
life since I was a kid, an-and I
always u-uh, loved it. And, you
know, I'm, I'm watching these
people up on the screen, and I
started getting hooked o-on the
film, you know?
MICKEY (V.O.)
...And I started to feel how can
you even think of killing yourself?
I mean, isn't it so stupid? I
mean, l-look at all the people up
there on the screen. You know,
they're real funny, and, and what
if the worst is true?
MICKEY (V.O.)
What if there's no God, and you
only go around once and that's it?
Well, you know, don't you want to
be part of the experience? You
know, what the hell, it-i-it's not
all a drag. And I'm thinking to
myself, geez, I should stop ruining
my life...
MICKEY (V.O.)
...searching for answers I'm never
gonna get, and just enjoy it while
it lasts. And...you know...
...after, who knows? I mean, you
know, maybe there is something.
Nobody really knows. I know, I
know "maybe" is a very slim reed to
hang your whole life on, but that's
the best we have. And...then, I
started to sit back, and I actually
began to enjoy myself.
....................................................................................................
I dunno, it just made me smile. On another note, I finally emailed a girl yesterday, after she sent me a happy birthday email, and asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink. I've liked her for, oh... 4 years?
I swear, not more than 5 minutes after I send the email I am talking on msn and someone tells me she's just started goin out with this dude I know. So I have to email her back, telling her to ignore the first one. Woody-Allen stylee!
Heh, ironic, no?