Hi.
I'm sorry.
To the boys I hurt, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I was broken and sick and used you for my cowardly coping mechanisms. I knew right from wrong, and I chose to do wrong. I chose it because it was easier and because I lied to myself and refused to face the fact that I needed serious help but was to shitty to go get it. I fancied myself a succubus, a femme fatale, when in reality I was just a stupid, selfish, pathetic little girl making any lame excuse to champion my terrible actions. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry to anyone whose heart I broke, or who I disappointed or shamed or even just annoyed. I was not worth it. I absolutely promise you, you dodged an enormous bullet.
I paid, at least a little. I bled and shattered and lost everything. I dunno if that's any consolation. I also got better. Therapy, lots and lots of therapy, medication, and a very real facing of who I was, what I had done, and the absolute promise I would NEVER be a shit human again. I've kept that promise so far, no intention of going back.
If anyone reads this, if anyone needs it, I will happily apologize to you directly. I will take whatever you have to throw at me and let it hit and hurt if you need it.
And if you were a boy who hurt me, fuck you. You knew better, too.
To the boys I hurt, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I was broken and sick and used you for my cowardly coping mechanisms. I knew right from wrong, and I chose to do wrong. I chose it because it was easier and because I lied to myself and refused to face the fact that I needed serious help but was to shitty to go get it. I fancied myself a succubus, a femme fatale, when in reality I was just a stupid, selfish, pathetic little girl making any lame excuse to champion my terrible actions. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry to anyone whose heart I broke, or who I disappointed or shamed or even just annoyed. I was not worth it. I absolutely promise you, you dodged an enormous bullet.
I paid, at least a little. I bled and shattered and lost everything. I dunno if that's any consolation. I also got better. Therapy, lots and lots of therapy, medication, and a very real facing of who I was, what I had done, and the absolute promise I would NEVER be a shit human again. I've kept that promise so far, no intention of going back.
If anyone reads this, if anyone needs it, I will happily apologize to you directly. I will take whatever you have to throw at me and let it hit and hurt if you need it.
And if you were a boy who hurt me, fuck you. You knew better, too.