I can't believe it's not Facebook...
It's been forever and a day since I've used LiveJournal for something other than reading funny blogs and whatnot. What I've always loved about LJ more so than The Bastards (MySpace, fb, Twitter) that have taken The World by storm is that LJ always seemed to be "for me" instead of for all of the random people that I am "friends" with on those other sites.
Speaking of "friends", it has been pointed out to me numerous times that I dismiss people too easily, that I "love hard", and am an "all or nothing" kind of a guy. I'm not disputing this but I believe I have very valid reasons to feel this way. Because of my upbringing and the ridiculous events that happened during my teenage years, I most definitely have trust issues. If I do want to be friends with someone, I put all of my heart into it. However, if I believe the "friend" isn't giving an effort, I bail. I simply do not have the emotional make-up to care for people who I do not believe care about me. Besides my family, I think I have roughly five or so actual friends... meaning people that I care about, talk to on a somewhat regular basis, and have the belief that they care about my well-being as well. I think five is a good number.
Finally, I am starting to try to take better care of body. For years, I've been a total lazy-ass and ignored what I was putting into my body and it shows. My fear of death improved for a year or two but it's back again. I've ALWAYS hated/despised/loathed the idea that I would someday cease to be and have tried to cope with this fear for almost as long as I can remember. When I found out that Michelle was pregnant with Max, I became somewhat "okay" with the realization that Death is waiting for me. Maybe it was the sense of accomplishment in creating someone as amazing as Max or maybe it was a sign of me maturing... whatever the reason, it's gone now. While I'm not suffering from insomnia because of this fear any longer, it does pop into my head a few times a day. The good news is that it motivates me to be happy and enjoy all of the aspects of today rather than overlook the little things (awesome clouds, a beautiful sunset, your mom's sweet ass... not that your mom's ass is little). That's the good... the bad is that The Fear gets to me so badly at times that I feel like a scared child. I truly hope that as life goes on, these feelings will subside.
This was fun... maybe I'll do this again in the not-so-distant future since this is a decent form of catharsis.
Speaking of "friends", it has been pointed out to me numerous times that I dismiss people too easily, that I "love hard", and am an "all or nothing" kind of a guy. I'm not disputing this but I believe I have very valid reasons to feel this way. Because of my upbringing and the ridiculous events that happened during my teenage years, I most definitely have trust issues. If I do want to be friends with someone, I put all of my heart into it. However, if I believe the "friend" isn't giving an effort, I bail. I simply do not have the emotional make-up to care for people who I do not believe care about me. Besides my family, I think I have roughly five or so actual friends... meaning people that I care about, talk to on a somewhat regular basis, and have the belief that they care about my well-being as well. I think five is a good number.
Finally, I am starting to try to take better care of body. For years, I've been a total lazy-ass and ignored what I was putting into my body and it shows. My fear of death improved for a year or two but it's back again. I've ALWAYS hated/despised/loathed the idea that I would someday cease to be and have tried to cope with this fear for almost as long as I can remember. When I found out that Michelle was pregnant with Max, I became somewhat "okay" with the realization that Death is waiting for me. Maybe it was the sense of accomplishment in creating someone as amazing as Max or maybe it was a sign of me maturing... whatever the reason, it's gone now. While I'm not suffering from insomnia because of this fear any longer, it does pop into my head a few times a day. The good news is that it motivates me to be happy and enjoy all of the aspects of today rather than overlook the little things (awesome clouds, a beautiful sunset, your mom's sweet ass... not that your mom's ass is little). That's the good... the bad is that The Fear gets to me so badly at times that I feel like a scared child. I truly hope that as life goes on, these feelings will subside.
This was fun... maybe I'll do this again in the not-so-distant future since this is a decent form of catharsis.