More TMI from the Motherhood Sector...
I was telling my dear friend hpaich about this and she claimed to have almost "died laughing" and then I was telling DH the whole story later, and he laughingly declared that I should blog about it...hence, I give you THIS!
Fact #1 Today was my annual "Well Woman Checkup" (see: the day I get to expose my southern and northern bits - hell, my whole hemisphere really - to a woman in latex gloves and a scapula. NICE!
Fact #2 I did not have a babysitter
Fact #3 I couldn't reschedule because, as most of you know, Mike was laid off from work. Even though he's been hired and is working elsewhere now, our insurance will still lapse for 90 days starting the end of this month. And I HAD to get the ol' birth control prescription rewritten because...well, let's face it - when we thought we might be PG again a couple months ago...Mike cried. Soooo not ready!
Hilarity (retrospectively) ensues...
Henry is three and Helen is one, and even though I had the first appointment of the day AND I got there 30 minutes early...they still didn't see me until 15 minutes after my scheduled time. So I am in THE GOWN...you know the one...the one that you put on BACKWARDS so that it opens completely down the front. And instead of sitting calmly and modestly on the seat with the little cover over my lap - I am up trying to stop Helen from climbing on the chair to flick the light switch off and on, open and close the cabinets, pull out more gowns and OB equipment, knock over the tray with my, ahem...items...all laid out...*sigh* Henry was at least a very good boy.
So the midwife comes in (a wonderful woman I really like, thank goodness!) and we start talking about birth control options. Mind you I am not sitting down, but running around the small room...in THE GOWN. "Henry...don't touch the bird house!" Are you kidding me? Why is there a freaking four foot tall birdhouse in here anyway?
But the BEST part is still to come...
The breast exam...I'm still nursing...she squeezes them...and I squirt across the room! And Henry yells "PEE PEE!" and the midwife is like "Oh, good Mommy, look at all that milk...No, not pee pee honey..."
Please just kill me now...
And then...WTF is the HAZARDOUS WASTE bin doing on the FLOOR? And how the HELL am I supposed to keep Helen out of it while I'm flat on my back with my feet in stirrups?
I am just grateful that my midwife has a very good sense of humor. I have no modesty left.
I handled it all with as much poise and dignity I could, and I was rewarded with a "You're such a good mom" compliment. Ok...maybe that made it all worth it. =)
Fact #1 Today was my annual "Well Woman Checkup" (see: the day I get to expose my southern and northern bits - hell, my whole hemisphere really - to a woman in latex gloves and a scapula. NICE!
Fact #2 I did not have a babysitter
Fact #3 I couldn't reschedule because, as most of you know, Mike was laid off from work. Even though he's been hired and is working elsewhere now, our insurance will still lapse for 90 days starting the end of this month. And I HAD to get the ol' birth control prescription rewritten because...well, let's face it - when we thought we might be PG again a couple months ago...Mike cried. Soooo not ready!
Hilarity (retrospectively) ensues...
Henry is three and Helen is one, and even though I had the first appointment of the day AND I got there 30 minutes early...they still didn't see me until 15 minutes after my scheduled time. So I am in THE GOWN...you know the one...the one that you put on BACKWARDS so that it opens completely down the front. And instead of sitting calmly and modestly on the seat with the little cover over my lap - I am up trying to stop Helen from climbing on the chair to flick the light switch off and on, open and close the cabinets, pull out more gowns and OB equipment, knock over the tray with my, ahem...items...all laid out...*sigh* Henry was at least a very good boy.
So the midwife comes in (a wonderful woman I really like, thank goodness!) and we start talking about birth control options. Mind you I am not sitting down, but running around the small room...in THE GOWN. "Henry...don't touch the bird house!" Are you kidding me? Why is there a freaking four foot tall birdhouse in here anyway?
But the BEST part is still to come...
The breast exam...I'm still nursing...she squeezes them...and I squirt across the room! And Henry yells "PEE PEE!" and the midwife is like "Oh, good Mommy, look at all that milk...No, not pee pee honey..."
Please just kill me now...
And then...WTF is the HAZARDOUS WASTE bin doing on the FLOOR? And how the HELL am I supposed to keep Helen out of it while I'm flat on my back with my feet in stirrups?
I am just grateful that my midwife has a very good sense of humor. I have no modesty left.
I handled it all with as much poise and dignity I could, and I was rewarded with a "You're such a good mom" compliment. Ok...maybe that made it all worth it. =)