baseball observations
1. Who the frak ate Jason Marquis and replaced him with Warren Spahn? 5-1, 1.70? For real? 2. Did someone tell the Brewers its 1982? I think they're for real. 3. I'm sorry, I thought it was a dream, but no, the Phillies really did send their opening day starter to the bullpen. This is one final gift from fucking Ed Wade (I'm a really big fan!!!), who could have had Billy Wagner for 3 years, $21 mil., but couldn't pull the trigger. 4. Roger Clemens might be the greatest pitcher in modern baseball history, but he's a fucking whore. Right? 5. Dude, remember the Mets future big three of Pulsipher, Isringhausen, and Wilson? Buahahahaaha. That's why TINSTAPP rules. 6. Why do junkies get the Hollywood treatment in baseball but nowhere else? I'm glad Josh Hamilton salvaged his life and everything and is now banging out homers for the Reds, but normal people don't get such treatment. 7. I think I'm going to throw up when Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's home run record. It's kind of like if Jason Grimsley broke Cy Young's wins record. 8. How good do the Red Sox look? If Matsuzaka gets it together and Drew starts hitting...they certainly look like the class of the league so far. Then again, it's early. 9. No one is laughing about Gil Meche's $55 mil now. They are, however, still chuckling at Adam Eaton's 24. Friends, to paraphrase Blood Diamond, that's what we call T.I.P.: This Is Philadelphia. 10. Jamie Moyer is kicking ass with his 80 mph fastball. Maybe I should've kept playing after all. 11. I guess Vicente Padilla (1-4, 4.93) started drinking again after signing his absurd contract with the Rangers. Now that was the worst signing of the winter. 12. James Shields? Who the F is that? 13. Someone please tell Tim Wakefield it's not 1992 anymore.