Video Game Drama, Social Grouping Concerns, and Stress
Reader beware...
This is a long drama ridden diatribe about something and someone you neither know nor care about. I am venting and getting this frustration off my chest so I can sleep. I also wrote this and added it to the top of this after I finished typing it out. It is now 7:29am. Forgive the typos and run on sentences and needed paragraph breaks and grammatical errors that I am sure infest this piece. I'll fix the later. But for now, its done and I feel better... and finally sleepy. Time to head to bed... again. Perchance this time to dream.
................................................................
Here it is, 5am on Thursday morning. I can not sleep. I continue to toss and turn and mull many things over in my mind. I avoid drama like the plague and when it begins to show itself on the horizon, I ride out to meet it before it reaches the shores, so to speak. I am an avid player of the MMORPGs City of Heroes and City of Villains. I have been playing for close to three years now. I have been a part of a wonderful group of people that play regularly day and night. They are a great mix of personalities and backgrounds and quirks. A good friend of mine here on LJ introduced me to the game and the group that I am going to be talking about here.
When I joined this group, it was about 15 regular players. I found that I fit in and enjoyed the company of everyone that I played with. No drama, no politics to speak of, and in general, no bullshit of little kid head games or ego trips. We are all adult with a few exceptions, and we all get along phenomenally well.
Our group leader started this Super Group ('Guild' for you WoW and other fantasy game players out there) with a few close friends of his while the game was still in beta and when the game went live, they pretty much made it official. They have, in fact, been around since the game began and I have been very happy and honored to be apart of them. After a few months, I had brought in a few friends and they joined up and it continued on. The SG leader then offered me the position of Recruiting officer for the team. I loved the game and talking about it and seemed to have a knack for interesting people in it. So, the shoe fit, I wore it, and still do.
Now that the stage is set, allow me to talk about what is happening...
This group is NOT a 'gay' group. It is NOT a 'Bear' group. We are NOT a 'straight' group. However, at this tme, and pretty much since I joined up, the 'family' has occupied the greater piece of the SG pie by a rather hefty margin. The groups leader, who I will call DN here forward, has a very clear idea of the image that he wants his group to portray and be seen as. However, with no intentionality behind it, the group has begun to be identified in the CoH gaming community, apparently, as a gay group and/or a bear group. I do not see this as a bad thing. However, it HAS affected the image that DN wants his SG to have and he does not like it is becoming or already is.. I don't really blame him. He worked a long time and through a lof of bullshit to get it as successful as it is. DN is as straight as a pin; A stark raving heterosexual.
His best friend is gay.
The gay thing is not an issue.
Not at all.
Not in the slightest.
Where it DOES become an issue is when his child, the SG, is cast in the light of being something that it is not. There are members of the group that have, with no malicious or hostile intent, become an issue in the group because of their passionate pursuance of the gay cause', meaning acceptance and awareness of gay issues and all that that encompasses. In this manner, most all of the players characters have some over the top 'gay' theme and look and name and sound and style. They become a walking billboard of 'gay'. (I personally don't care for it, but I would never tell anyone to stop. That kind of thing is personal to them.) This does not cause DN any grief accept when it comes in to conflict with what his SG is, and THAT is a group of players coming together to have fun and play a game together, not further their own personal agenda's. I believe DN's desire for his SG's image is a simple enough idea and concept that it should not create any problems. However, as the number of layers in the group has grown, that has become more difficult to maintain.
As for my part in this unfolding drama...
I am the GreenBear. I am the SG's recruiting officer. Many of my friends are gay. Many of them are straight. I generally tend to associate with all of my friends and many of them are bears. I know a LOT of them. Of COURSE I am going to talk to them about the game as its FUN. A number of my friends have, in fact, joined up. I have pulled in other players from in the game, practical strangers, that inquired about our SG. I didn't solicit the info. I was asked. On an occasion or two, I'd do that playful flirting thing that you do with other players characters and they would end up joining us as well. Straight or gay, it didn't matter.
Apparently, now it does.
A few nights ago, I was informed by DN that I was to no longer invite any bears in to the SG. He was rather emphatic about it, stating that he had been talking with a friend and fellow team mate that was, to my understanding, also tired of not having any other straight guys in the SG to cut up with. There are some, to be sure, but not as many as even I would like there to be. I've felt there was an imbalance for a while now and have openly even voiced my opinion on it. Regardless, however, the 'subtle' hint that I was given in our SG's forums was a classic drawn piece of art depicting two bears dancing together, hand in hand.
This was inside a red circle with a red line through it.
For the record, I do not, and never did, go hunting or seeking to bring in players. If the topic was brought up, I would, and still will, happily flap my yap about the game and how much fun I have with it and with playing with this SG. But I am not the only person capable of talking with friends about this game or SG. I infer by this 'hint' that I am supposed to go and bring in some exclusively straight harvest of players so that the straight ones will feel more... I don't know... at ease?
My first reaction was,"Yeah yeah, okay DN... I get the message..." and I laughed it off. However, the more I thought about it, the more it upset me. Apparently, it upset a few of our other players as well.
So, I was in bed tonight, tossing and turning; not quite able to be actually angry over the reason's behind DN's rather tasteless and borderline passive/aggressive, 'hint'. So it occurs to me...
In the past few months, I have perceived a vague (but clearly there) and growing tension within the group. Not with everyone, but with some of the more regular players to ber sure. A few nights ago, one of the earlier mentioned blatant 'agendas' was noticed my DN and it really upset him. A lot. To make it worse, this particular issue had been dealt with once before. I know it ticked him off as it involved the 'gay' thing. I think that is what actually started this ball rolling and leading to this 'subtle hint' event that has inspired this rant.
So...
Where does this lead to...?
I love this group of players. They are fun, intelligent, witty, informed, ditzy, silly, ascerbic, stoic, flamboyant, dandy, and stealthy. They are caring, empathic, adult, highly creative and individualistic. They are the exact kind of people I love to hang out with. I do not want to leave them. I do not want to lose these connections. We are a network of friends spanning the U.S. and, in cases, the world and I have come to hightly trasure this. I have found a group of people that I feel I fit in with. However, there are dynamic forces at work that are really nothing more than conflicting views in my opinion, that need to be addressed.
I think DN would be a lot happier if his SG was perhaps brought back to a semblance of what it was to begin with instead of stumbling toward what it is becoming; something that is not what he wanted it to be. It is my idea to form a new SG that is not a part of his. I think he will hate the idea. I think it will save his SG and allow it to be more of what he really wants it to be. Clearly in light of recent events, I don't think he is comfortable with it. I'm not sure I am anymore either.
I have come to really care about DN, but I did not like what his subtle hint seems to imply about what he thinks about me or the state of his SG. And it is, without question, his.
In this game, there are certain goals that a given SG can accomplish together. The really big ones have all been met. The big prizes for the SG have all been won. Playing my characters in the SG no longer seems important to the group. They are just names and faces associated with the SG. I feel no drive to use them accept as cash cows. There is not more feeling of accomplishment with playing them. Playing them is still fun, yes, to be sure. But playing them now serves no purpose other than dusting them off and remembering how to play them. I would like to give them a purpose again. And that being, creating a new home for them. Creating a new SG of my own.
Perhaps a part of me feels that I have outgrown DN's goals for his SG. I sill love being a part of it, but I still want to try it for myself and I think this would help by giving some of the players a new place for their characters where they wont have to adhere to a specific image that conflicts with their personal views of themselves and/or their characters. No need to part ways or anything so drastic, just a re-distribution of characters. It would let the actual make-up of DN's group become more in line with what I think he really wants it to be.
We all need a purpose and a goal in the things we do. If you paint, you try new pallets of color. If you write, you try new genres. If you game, you try new ideas. I'd like to try my hand at an SG and I think this would be a good time to do it.
So, I am going to show him this rant as I will invariably jumble it up and mangle it into something resembling a childs attempt at being intellectual if I try to talk to him directly about this.
(crosses fingers)
Its now 7:25am.
Good night everyone.
This is a long drama ridden diatribe about something and someone you neither know nor care about. I am venting and getting this frustration off my chest so I can sleep. I also wrote this and added it to the top of this after I finished typing it out. It is now 7:29am. Forgive the typos and run on sentences and needed paragraph breaks and grammatical errors that I am sure infest this piece. I'll fix the later. But for now, its done and I feel better... and finally sleepy. Time to head to bed... again. Perchance this time to dream.
................................................................
Here it is, 5am on Thursday morning. I can not sleep. I continue to toss and turn and mull many things over in my mind. I avoid drama like the plague and when it begins to show itself on the horizon, I ride out to meet it before it reaches the shores, so to speak. I am an avid player of the MMORPGs City of Heroes and City of Villains. I have been playing for close to three years now. I have been a part of a wonderful group of people that play regularly day and night. They are a great mix of personalities and backgrounds and quirks. A good friend of mine here on LJ introduced me to the game and the group that I am going to be talking about here.
When I joined this group, it was about 15 regular players. I found that I fit in and enjoyed the company of everyone that I played with. No drama, no politics to speak of, and in general, no bullshit of little kid head games or ego trips. We are all adult with a few exceptions, and we all get along phenomenally well.
Our group leader started this Super Group ('Guild' for you WoW and other fantasy game players out there) with a few close friends of his while the game was still in beta and when the game went live, they pretty much made it official. They have, in fact, been around since the game began and I have been very happy and honored to be apart of them. After a few months, I had brought in a few friends and they joined up and it continued on. The SG leader then offered me the position of Recruiting officer for the team. I loved the game and talking about it and seemed to have a knack for interesting people in it. So, the shoe fit, I wore it, and still do.
Now that the stage is set, allow me to talk about what is happening...
This group is NOT a 'gay' group. It is NOT a 'Bear' group. We are NOT a 'straight' group. However, at this tme, and pretty much since I joined up, the 'family' has occupied the greater piece of the SG pie by a rather hefty margin. The groups leader, who I will call DN here forward, has a very clear idea of the image that he wants his group to portray and be seen as. However, with no intentionality behind it, the group has begun to be identified in the CoH gaming community, apparently, as a gay group and/or a bear group. I do not see this as a bad thing. However, it HAS affected the image that DN wants his SG to have and he does not like it is becoming or already is.. I don't really blame him. He worked a long time and through a lof of bullshit to get it as successful as it is. DN is as straight as a pin; A stark raving heterosexual.
His best friend is gay.
The gay thing is not an issue.
Not at all.
Not in the slightest.
Where it DOES become an issue is when his child, the SG, is cast in the light of being something that it is not. There are members of the group that have, with no malicious or hostile intent, become an issue in the group because of their passionate pursuance of the gay cause', meaning acceptance and awareness of gay issues and all that that encompasses. In this manner, most all of the players characters have some over the top 'gay' theme and look and name and sound and style. They become a walking billboard of 'gay'. (I personally don't care for it, but I would never tell anyone to stop. That kind of thing is personal to them.) This does not cause DN any grief accept when it comes in to conflict with what his SG is, and THAT is a group of players coming together to have fun and play a game together, not further their own personal agenda's. I believe DN's desire for his SG's image is a simple enough idea and concept that it should not create any problems. However, as the number of layers in the group has grown, that has become more difficult to maintain.
As for my part in this unfolding drama...
I am the GreenBear. I am the SG's recruiting officer. Many of my friends are gay. Many of them are straight. I generally tend to associate with all of my friends and many of them are bears. I know a LOT of them. Of COURSE I am going to talk to them about the game as its FUN. A number of my friends have, in fact, joined up. I have pulled in other players from in the game, practical strangers, that inquired about our SG. I didn't solicit the info. I was asked. On an occasion or two, I'd do that playful flirting thing that you do with other players characters and they would end up joining us as well. Straight or gay, it didn't matter.
Apparently, now it does.
A few nights ago, I was informed by DN that I was to no longer invite any bears in to the SG. He was rather emphatic about it, stating that he had been talking with a friend and fellow team mate that was, to my understanding, also tired of not having any other straight guys in the SG to cut up with. There are some, to be sure, but not as many as even I would like there to be. I've felt there was an imbalance for a while now and have openly even voiced my opinion on it. Regardless, however, the 'subtle' hint that I was given in our SG's forums was a classic drawn piece of art depicting two bears dancing together, hand in hand.
This was inside a red circle with a red line through it.
For the record, I do not, and never did, go hunting or seeking to bring in players. If the topic was brought up, I would, and still will, happily flap my yap about the game and how much fun I have with it and with playing with this SG. But I am not the only person capable of talking with friends about this game or SG. I infer by this 'hint' that I am supposed to go and bring in some exclusively straight harvest of players so that the straight ones will feel more... I don't know... at ease?
My first reaction was,"Yeah yeah, okay DN... I get the message..." and I laughed it off. However, the more I thought about it, the more it upset me. Apparently, it upset a few of our other players as well.
So, I was in bed tonight, tossing and turning; not quite able to be actually angry over the reason's behind DN's rather tasteless and borderline passive/aggressive, 'hint'. So it occurs to me...
In the past few months, I have perceived a vague (but clearly there) and growing tension within the group. Not with everyone, but with some of the more regular players to ber sure. A few nights ago, one of the earlier mentioned blatant 'agendas' was noticed my DN and it really upset him. A lot. To make it worse, this particular issue had been dealt with once before. I know it ticked him off as it involved the 'gay' thing. I think that is what actually started this ball rolling and leading to this 'subtle hint' event that has inspired this rant.
So...
Where does this lead to...?
I love this group of players. They are fun, intelligent, witty, informed, ditzy, silly, ascerbic, stoic, flamboyant, dandy, and stealthy. They are caring, empathic, adult, highly creative and individualistic. They are the exact kind of people I love to hang out with. I do not want to leave them. I do not want to lose these connections. We are a network of friends spanning the U.S. and, in cases, the world and I have come to hightly trasure this. I have found a group of people that I feel I fit in with. However, there are dynamic forces at work that are really nothing more than conflicting views in my opinion, that need to be addressed.
I think DN would be a lot happier if his SG was perhaps brought back to a semblance of what it was to begin with instead of stumbling toward what it is becoming; something that is not what he wanted it to be. It is my idea to form a new SG that is not a part of his. I think he will hate the idea. I think it will save his SG and allow it to be more of what he really wants it to be. Clearly in light of recent events, I don't think he is comfortable with it. I'm not sure I am anymore either.
I have come to really care about DN, but I did not like what his subtle hint seems to imply about what he thinks about me or the state of his SG. And it is, without question, his.
In this game, there are certain goals that a given SG can accomplish together. The really big ones have all been met. The big prizes for the SG have all been won. Playing my characters in the SG no longer seems important to the group. They are just names and faces associated with the SG. I feel no drive to use them accept as cash cows. There is not more feeling of accomplishment with playing them. Playing them is still fun, yes, to be sure. But playing them now serves no purpose other than dusting them off and remembering how to play them. I would like to give them a purpose again. And that being, creating a new home for them. Creating a new SG of my own.
Perhaps a part of me feels that I have outgrown DN's goals for his SG. I sill love being a part of it, but I still want to try it for myself and I think this would help by giving some of the players a new place for their characters where they wont have to adhere to a specific image that conflicts with their personal views of themselves and/or their characters. No need to part ways or anything so drastic, just a re-distribution of characters. It would let the actual make-up of DN's group become more in line with what I think he really wants it to be.
We all need a purpose and a goal in the things we do. If you paint, you try new pallets of color. If you write, you try new genres. If you game, you try new ideas. I'd like to try my hand at an SG and I think this would be a good time to do it.
So, I am going to show him this rant as I will invariably jumble it up and mangle it into something resembling a childs attempt at being intellectual if I try to talk to him directly about this.
(crosses fingers)
Its now 7:25am.
Good night everyone.