No More Resolutions
I don't know why I need to continually demonstrate my aptitude for failure.
I can't drink anymore. I'm not a fun drunk. I'm a stupid drunk, a half retarded trained yeti. There is nothing good about this. I've known this for a while, yet I continue to go back on myself. Three drinks? How hard was that? All I had to do was pace myself, drink water, and prove that I could have a good night. 9 drinks. 9 VERY strong drinks. Seriously, dude? That was too hard? Just how weak am I? Pretty fucking weak.
I have no sense of discipline. Really none at all.
I'm so tired. I exhaust myself with this perpetual self abuse.
All these dead ends and self imposed hopelessness.
Every thing is bad. Nothing is fine. I am in despair, and I have every reason to be. And if I don't pull my head out of the sand, I am going to lose all that is precious to me, especially that which is most precious to me. I love her so much and I'm an ass to her. What a idiot beast I've become.
What if we just...end? How could I possibly not violently murder myself knowing that I gave up on us, that I didn't try to hold together the best thing that has ever happened to me?
Res Ipsa Loquitur. I honestly can't go on like this. Days like this make me aware of how quickly I'm dying, how eagerly I'm shutting out life and urging on my own bored, wasteful destruction. And I always thought I was better than this.
Fuck man, I need to grow up. I need to grow up.
I don't know if it needs to end or if something else just really needs to start.
This isn't funny.
I can't drink anymore. I'm not a fun drunk. I'm a stupid drunk, a half retarded trained yeti. There is nothing good about this. I've known this for a while, yet I continue to go back on myself. Three drinks? How hard was that? All I had to do was pace myself, drink water, and prove that I could have a good night. 9 drinks. 9 VERY strong drinks. Seriously, dude? That was too hard? Just how weak am I? Pretty fucking weak.
I have no sense of discipline. Really none at all.
I'm so tired. I exhaust myself with this perpetual self abuse.
All these dead ends and self imposed hopelessness.
Every thing is bad. Nothing is fine. I am in despair, and I have every reason to be. And if I don't pull my head out of the sand, I am going to lose all that is precious to me, especially that which is most precious to me. I love her so much and I'm an ass to her. What a idiot beast I've become.
What if we just...end? How could I possibly not violently murder myself knowing that I gave up on us, that I didn't try to hold together the best thing that has ever happened to me?
Res Ipsa Loquitur. I honestly can't go on like this. Days like this make me aware of how quickly I'm dying, how eagerly I'm shutting out life and urging on my own bored, wasteful destruction. And I always thought I was better than this.
Fuck man, I need to grow up. I need to grow up.
I don't know if it needs to end or if something else just really needs to start.
This isn't funny.