May 01, 2009 19:38
- 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
- Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
- Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
- Assassins do it from behind.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.