(Untitled)
so hi. my name is stephanie catherine carbone. i am seventeen years of age and reside in syracuse new york. but i am not here for a personal ad for me. this is for my love, caitlin marie rioux. i am here to find her a man. not a boy, but a man. these are her qualifications. later on i will provide an application of which you will fill out and i
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Name: Bob
Age: 666
Location: Right outside your window
Height: 10'8.125"
Hair (color and style): Hair? What hair?
Eyes: Gouged out
Piercings/tattoos: Every other square inch
OTHER:
1. Where would we go on dates? The bottom of a harbor. With cement shoes.
2. Who are three (or more) of your favorite bands/artists? A rubber band, Picasso, and a bandsaw
3. Do you drink/smoke?? I only smoke when I'm on fire.
4. Do you like the rain? Acid rain, sure
5. If so...would you play in it with me? If "play" is "watch you scream in agony as it slowly melts your skin", sure.
6. Do you like movies? Only when I burn them
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night? Burning all night, sure
8. Could we cuddle and just fall asleep together? I'd rather cuddle with an enraged tiger.
9. Would you kiss my forhead? "Kiss of death", anyone?
10. Do you play an instrument? Yes
11. If so...what? Well, maybe.... There's a tommy gun in the case
12. Would you call me right after we saw eachother to make sure i made it home alright? I would be calling the hitman to see if you made it home.
13. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10? Without knife in the back - -64363; With knife: 10
14. Favorite body part on a girl? Second toe from the right of the left foot.
15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself? I know that 1+2=5
16. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, slut)? Contract killer, but that's just alleged.
17. Would you give me kisses just because? Only the Hershey kind. And only after lacing them with cyanide
What Would You do if...
I cried: Point and laugh
I said I liked you: Stabbity death
I kissed you: Set your family on fire
I was hospitalized: Pay the man his money
I ran away from home: Point and laugh
We got in a fight: Win. Possibly with death involved.
I got dumped: Point and laugh.
I pissed you off: Kill you. Slowly.
What Do You Think Of My...
Personality: Breakable, perhaps
Eyes: Very gougeable
Face: It has to be removed so your corpse wouldnt be recognizeable
Hair: Flammable
Clothes: Also flammable
Voice: I'm sure I could find a way to set it on fire
Humor: (I'm filling this out, arent I?)
Choice of music: CDs are breakable. Then I can use the sharp pointy ends as stabbity weapons.
Manners: What are "manners"?
Friends: They can be useful
Decisions: They can also be useful
Would You...
Be my friend: For a price.
Tell me the truth no matter what: Truth? Truth is an illusion
Buy me a birthday gift: Maybe. You'd have to check if it was ticking
Lie to make me feel better: Lies are just a matter of opinion
Spread rumors about me: For a price.
Go out at 4am to get me chocolate: For a price.
Keep a secret if I told you one: Only if people didnt offer to buy it off me
Loan me some cash: My money's mine.
Hold my hand: To stop the knife from falling into me
Keep in touch: That might be difficult while on the run
Make me a snack: Most likely laced with something
Try and solve my problems: "No person no problem"
Love me: Merc work does have it's limits
Makeout with me: See above
Hold me in times of need: See above, again
Ditch me: Throw into a ditch, actually
Use me: Yes, but you shouldnt feel special about that
ask me out: Merc work does have it's limits
Date me: Merc work does have it's limits
kiss with me whenever you had the chance: Merc work does have it's limits
Hold me and make my problems go away: While holding somebody it is difficult to make "no person no problem" come true.
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