Thank god nobody reads this
I'm quite serious about this. It's nice knowing that I have something that I can simply vent feelings to when I just need to put thought into word without actually expressing it to anyone specifically. Or anyone at all really, I'm the only one who really NEEDS to know everything going on with me and for the time being I'm quite content to keep it that way.
Again, it's not nearly as painful as it was at the end of Zoo but I really love spending time with Jackie. Being around her makes me feel like a better person, it makes me want to strive to be a better person. Being in her presence for more than an hour makes me feel capable of earning a Ph.D while curing AIDS and defending the human race from a zombie outbreak.
In short, she makes me feel like the best person I possibly could be. Yes, I still think it unfortunate that I see no chance of anything blossoming between us anytime soon but I'm okay with that. It hurts a tiny bit but my overall day-to-day happiness outweighs that. I truly am content to just know her and to know I've had an impact on her life.
I wrote her a poem, I'm still freaked out by that. In all my years I've NEVER written a full poem for anyone or anything EVER. And yet, I wrote her a poem and I actually think it came out rather well.
Someday, I hope, I'll find the words
To simply tell you how I feel
A combination of sounds, an arrangement of text
To prove that this is real
You showed me light and you showed me hope
When prospects were looking bleak
You strengthened my mind, my soul and my heart
And got me back up on my feet
To say that you have changed my life
Well that's hardly a stretch at all
As long as I know you're alive and well
I'm certain I'll never fall
Someday, I hope, you'll understand
Someday, I hope, you'll see
You've been on my mind and heart so much
You've got me writing poetry
I'll never forget those three days and nights
When the music was our guide
The lights of the skyline, our nightly guest
I'd never felt so alive
You reminded me of beauty in the world
Made me believe in love at first sight
You showed me that I'm still okay
And that I know I'll be alright
You left me with a beautiful picture
And a wonderful memory
Of a perfect moment in the braindrop
With those, incredible, lit-up trees
I know that we may never be
Though it's still a pleasant thought
But perhaps the Fates have other plans
A future to still be sought
I don't wish to cause a problem
I just want you to know the truth
Against my better judgement
I'd do anything for you
I'd really like to show it to her, but I'm so incredibly terrified of driving her away completely and I'd rather at least have her in my life as a friend than not in it at all.
I really don't know what to do. Yeah, deep down, I'd love it if her and her boyfriend broke up and I eventually had a chance to explore a legitimate relationship with her. However, I don't want to be the cause of her and her boyfriend breaking up, I just want to be able to take a chance and tell her exactly how I feel without having to worry about risking everything there is between us. Losing her as a friend completely would kind of crush me just a little.
However, I do still get to see and spend some time with her here and there and we may be going to see Rusko in February and she's coming to the Excision show in March so I'm very happy about that.
I'm gonna have to just call it quits here though, if I keep going on I'm gonna start rambling. My point has been made, my thought has been expressed.
She's amazing.
Fuck.
Again, it's not nearly as painful as it was at the end of Zoo but I really love spending time with Jackie. Being around her makes me feel like a better person, it makes me want to strive to be a better person. Being in her presence for more than an hour makes me feel capable of earning a Ph.D while curing AIDS and defending the human race from a zombie outbreak.
In short, she makes me feel like the best person I possibly could be. Yes, I still think it unfortunate that I see no chance of anything blossoming between us anytime soon but I'm okay with that. It hurts a tiny bit but my overall day-to-day happiness outweighs that. I truly am content to just know her and to know I've had an impact on her life.
I wrote her a poem, I'm still freaked out by that. In all my years I've NEVER written a full poem for anyone or anything EVER. And yet, I wrote her a poem and I actually think it came out rather well.
Someday, I hope, I'll find the words
To simply tell you how I feel
A combination of sounds, an arrangement of text
To prove that this is real
You showed me light and you showed me hope
When prospects were looking bleak
You strengthened my mind, my soul and my heart
And got me back up on my feet
To say that you have changed my life
Well that's hardly a stretch at all
As long as I know you're alive and well
I'm certain I'll never fall
Someday, I hope, you'll understand
Someday, I hope, you'll see
You've been on my mind and heart so much
You've got me writing poetry
I'll never forget those three days and nights
When the music was our guide
The lights of the skyline, our nightly guest
I'd never felt so alive
You reminded me of beauty in the world
Made me believe in love at first sight
You showed me that I'm still okay
And that I know I'll be alright
You left me with a beautiful picture
And a wonderful memory
Of a perfect moment in the braindrop
With those, incredible, lit-up trees
I know that we may never be
Though it's still a pleasant thought
But perhaps the Fates have other plans
A future to still be sought
I don't wish to cause a problem
I just want you to know the truth
Against my better judgement
I'd do anything for you
I'd really like to show it to her, but I'm so incredibly terrified of driving her away completely and I'd rather at least have her in my life as a friend than not in it at all.
I really don't know what to do. Yeah, deep down, I'd love it if her and her boyfriend broke up and I eventually had a chance to explore a legitimate relationship with her. However, I don't want to be the cause of her and her boyfriend breaking up, I just want to be able to take a chance and tell her exactly how I feel without having to worry about risking everything there is between us. Losing her as a friend completely would kind of crush me just a little.
However, I do still get to see and spend some time with her here and there and we may be going to see Rusko in February and she's coming to the Excision show in March so I'm very happy about that.
I'm gonna have to just call it quits here though, if I keep going on I'm gonna start rambling. My point has been made, my thought has been expressed.
She's amazing.
Fuck.