Pet Peeve #13
On the BBC news service, there was a front page article link about preteen children in California who are taking etiquette classes. You can read the article here: Lessons in Good Manners
Basically, the article talks about after school programs that teach children age 6 to 9 about etiquette. Lessons include such items as proper eating habits, acceptable behavior in different locations settings, and how to respect their space and other people. I am a very ardent supporter of children learning manners and respect not only for adults but other children and society in general. In truth, I am at least glad the children are learning their skills because I have noticed that there is a serious lack of decency and respect among those of my generation and younger.
However, as much as I support the raising of well-mannered and well-behaved children, I am adamantly opposed to parent's farming this responsibility off on others. The simple fact of the matter is that too many parents have this belief that children are accessories in their lives, like a nice car or a top of the line entertainment center or a cute pet. They want the social status and respect and love that come with the children, but they are not interested in the actual work of properly raising their children. Like the parents who raised my generation, they expect the schools and the TV to teach and raise their children. When problems arise with their children, it is the fault of others. To fix it, they throw money at specialists and camps and retreats and self-discovery workshops that they drop their children off at while they run to the office or the golf course or the mall. Instead of cultivating a compelling home life where children learn and develop skills and creativity and imagination in the traditional free form school that is a good home life, they regiment them into structured schedules of sports and activities that would make the most work-alcoholic business spinster shudder in sympathy.
Why are these people having kids if they do not want to raise them? The point of having children is not simply as a vehicle of genetic diaspora but to raise them and mold them with your ideals and beliefs and to then send them out into the world to succeed. Is that just too much of a responsibility? Did you just want the "My kid is on the Honor Roll" bumper sticker? Or are they your little status symbol to get in with the child-set club? And now once you have the latest fad of the child armband, you are not interested in the work it actually takes to raise them. So instead of loving them and giving them your devoted attention, time, and effort, it becomes daycare and nanny services and after school programs and school/soccer/football/dance/ballet/gymnastics/swimming/all summer camp that they are taught to be people by, and you wonder why they don't respect you.
When did parenting become a scheduling service where a chauffeur license is required instead of a dynamic relationship of teaching, learning, loving, and time spent together? The simple fact is that some parents seem to feel that no activity is useful or productive unless it is organized and structured. They see children running wild in the back yard or climbing trees and catching frogs and snakes as the first signs of ADD, instead of the simple process of acculturation and skill development that has worked for every generation since time immemorial.
Parenting is not just about the results. If you end up with the perfect child but give up those moments that make life special, who are you really benefiting? My best memories are of my mom teaching me to cook and taking me camping, of running wild through the woods at my grandparent's and catching frogs and climbing trees. I remember being read too and of riding bikes with friends. I don't remember the organized sports as much more than a passing Saturday event until I was in middle and high school when I chose to pursue different things. Being a teenager is about finding yourself and freedom, being a child is about learning and loving and simply being free and safe. Why give that away to professionals? Is your time really that precious? Is it that hard to do right? Or are you just scared that you will fail? Yet, when you give your kid's most formative years to another, you have failed, both them and you, and that truly is sad.
There is a great deal more to life than money and success and a big car and a big house and your two weeks in Cancun. And there is more to life than trying to save everyone else and the world and the endangered species of the week for grandkid's kids. Life is about experience and loss and gain and just living and learning. You only get one life. And you only have your kid's childhood once. Throwing it away to someone else or simply because you are too busy to care is the stupidest thing you can do. So be a parent, and stop being a life planner.
-The Great One
Basically, the article talks about after school programs that teach children age 6 to 9 about etiquette. Lessons include such items as proper eating habits, acceptable behavior in different locations settings, and how to respect their space and other people. I am a very ardent supporter of children learning manners and respect not only for adults but other children and society in general. In truth, I am at least glad the children are learning their skills because I have noticed that there is a serious lack of decency and respect among those of my generation and younger.
However, as much as I support the raising of well-mannered and well-behaved children, I am adamantly opposed to parent's farming this responsibility off on others. The simple fact of the matter is that too many parents have this belief that children are accessories in their lives, like a nice car or a top of the line entertainment center or a cute pet. They want the social status and respect and love that come with the children, but they are not interested in the actual work of properly raising their children. Like the parents who raised my generation, they expect the schools and the TV to teach and raise their children. When problems arise with their children, it is the fault of others. To fix it, they throw money at specialists and camps and retreats and self-discovery workshops that they drop their children off at while they run to the office or the golf course or the mall. Instead of cultivating a compelling home life where children learn and develop skills and creativity and imagination in the traditional free form school that is a good home life, they regiment them into structured schedules of sports and activities that would make the most work-alcoholic business spinster shudder in sympathy.
Why are these people having kids if they do not want to raise them? The point of having children is not simply as a vehicle of genetic diaspora but to raise them and mold them with your ideals and beliefs and to then send them out into the world to succeed. Is that just too much of a responsibility? Did you just want the "My kid is on the Honor Roll" bumper sticker? Or are they your little status symbol to get in with the child-set club? And now once you have the latest fad of the child armband, you are not interested in the work it actually takes to raise them. So instead of loving them and giving them your devoted attention, time, and effort, it becomes daycare and nanny services and after school programs and school/soccer/football/dance/ballet/gymnastics/swimming/all summer camp that they are taught to be people by, and you wonder why they don't respect you.
When did parenting become a scheduling service where a chauffeur license is required instead of a dynamic relationship of teaching, learning, loving, and time spent together? The simple fact is that some parents seem to feel that no activity is useful or productive unless it is organized and structured. They see children running wild in the back yard or climbing trees and catching frogs and snakes as the first signs of ADD, instead of the simple process of acculturation and skill development that has worked for every generation since time immemorial.
Parenting is not just about the results. If you end up with the perfect child but give up those moments that make life special, who are you really benefiting? My best memories are of my mom teaching me to cook and taking me camping, of running wild through the woods at my grandparent's and catching frogs and climbing trees. I remember being read too and of riding bikes with friends. I don't remember the organized sports as much more than a passing Saturday event until I was in middle and high school when I chose to pursue different things. Being a teenager is about finding yourself and freedom, being a child is about learning and loving and simply being free and safe. Why give that away to professionals? Is your time really that precious? Is it that hard to do right? Or are you just scared that you will fail? Yet, when you give your kid's most formative years to another, you have failed, both them and you, and that truly is sad.
There is a great deal more to life than money and success and a big car and a big house and your two weeks in Cancun. And there is more to life than trying to save everyone else and the world and the endangered species of the week for grandkid's kids. Life is about experience and loss and gain and just living and learning. You only get one life. And you only have your kid's childhood once. Throwing it away to someone else or simply because you are too busy to care is the stupidest thing you can do. So be a parent, and stop being a life planner.
-The Great One