but your taste still lingers on my lips like i just placed them upon yours and i starve for you
hey kiddos,
seriously, this is such a horrible night. idk why, i started looking through Royal Oak yearbooks. first 6th grade, then 7th, then 8th...i've changed and grown up so much since them. its amazing. idk, i remember 6th grade vaguely. agh, i dont want to remember it. 7th grade, i remember well, it was a good year. 8th grade, i remember quite vividly. i didnt start crying until i got to the 8th grade yearbook. i remember how much i did that i wanted, how much i didnt do, how many times i did the wrong things..but i thought about it, and i wouldnt change a single thing about that year. i've done the most changing since then. im no where near the same person i was in the 8th grade. its amazing/horrible. perhaps thats why relationships failed to work? friendships died? who knows why these things happen. All i know is that they did, and it killed me for such a long time. They were the only things ever on my mind. I remember going to Lone Hill and hating every second of it because i was away from the people that i loved, i was away from my life. I swore to myself that id never go back into that district. I had an amazing summer and i went into highschool determined to do well and make the best of my 4 years. Then about 2 months into school, i realized that everyone around me was changing, that things werent going to be the same, that my plans were changing, my life was being ruined and i couldnt stop it. i hated it. then i went to San Dimas. as much as i hate to admit it, i really liked it there. I still really like it there...and it bothers me that i like it so much. I mean, i remember how miserable i was thinking about having to go there..how i thought i would hate it and it would be like the last time but... i really liked it. i couldnt understand why i liked it so much, why i was happy...you guys have to understand, i was miserable from September-February...my world was falling apart you guys, being happy was just something that i wasnt anymore, and then i went somewhere else, i met people, i made new friends, i got to know the enviornment...and it just, fit. I mean, it felt like it was right, i felt happy. and it bothered me so much, i was so upset that i didnt feel miserable. I know you're thinking that its stupid that i was happy but upset because i wasnt miserable, but, i had just left everything i had ever known to be somewhere else and i liked it better, it was better for me. we all have tendencies to usually hate things that are good for us...well that was my first reaction. I dont regret going to San Dimas. I think it was a change for the best, i love everyone there. everyone's great, perfect. I just want to let people at CO know that i was thinking of everyone tonight, i miss most of you a lot, i miss the times we had together and lets face it...most of us have some weird/random memories of one another, but i think thats what made it memorable. I did some weird things but i mean, i loved who i was then, i changed, and i love who i am now. But you should all know that im not going back to C.O. theres nothing left for me to go back to, there's no one there missing me enough to want to pull me back. everyones different and i accept that, i understand it because i've changed to. I dont miss anyone enough to go back. I know that may sound selfish, but i see no reason to go back just to get hurt. I dont want to do again what i did once before, it hurt to much. I cant see most of you again because i know that id break down, but know that i wont forget you guys okay?
but once you knew a girl and you named her "l o v e r"
danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
but autumn came, she disappeared, you cant remember
where she said she was goingto
but you know that she's gone
cause she left you a song
that you dont want to sing
singing, i believe that lovers should be chained together
thrown into a fire with their songs and letters