*~Roar~*
I know noone probably reads this anymore... but whatev. I'm just on here to say I'm fuming. And I'm moving. Unfortunately I can't move at the moment because of school..... although if things keep going the way they're going.... I just might have to take that risk. I know my family wants me to go to North Carolina, and thats an option, but probably not. I just couldn't stand to live "in the South" in such a conservative state. I'm just sick of bullshit people in California. Too many people are fucked up here (i.e. my ex). The pace of the state drives people mad. People think they're unseccessful if they don't have a Benz by age 20. People are shallow, superficial, assholes, pill-popping, masochists....etc.... I'm just sick of it. Too many people want to play games. Too many people are serious addicts to one thing or another whether its drugs, alcohol, or themselves. People care too much about what other people think and thus live their whole lives impressing people and not just doing whats rational (ahem ahem... you know who you are...a certain ex).
Great you have a car...big fucking deal. You want an award? Great you make money... does that mean you'll treat me the way I need to be treated? Super you know such-and-such... so then that makes you awesome by association? NO! No to all of these.... unfortunately these are the only things people find important out here. So what you're full of self-loathing. So what you have un-dealt with issues out the ass. So what you have no real substance to your life... as long as you have the house, the car, the sedated trophy wife/husband.... you're set right? Well I'm sick of this shit. After my last boyfriend.... one of the most shallow people I have EVER known..... I'm over it. I know if I stay out here I'll just be settling. I know if I stay here.... I'll be miserable and I might turn into that which I hate.. Then I might as well not continue existing because I would have turned into absolutely nothing. I'd much rather die than become just another Californian full of self-loathing, bitterness, and Paxil. Does anyone have any ideas where I should go? I much rather prefer the West Coast although I'm thinking somewhere outside NYC so I can commute in, but not be IN the city ya know? *sigh* I dunno... I've just been so restless lately, I don't know how I'd tough out another year here. I think I've met my fill of fake people. I'll explode if I meet anymore... or date them for that matter. People are just too fucked up here. Not to say there aren't fucked up people where I may be going.... but California is insane. You with never see me with over-done highlights, fake nails, tattoo-ed on makeup, in a matching track suit, in an SUV.... fuck no! I keep meeting people who claim to be real, claim to not play games, and they are 100% the opposite of who they say they are 100% of the time. So I'm done.... I'm fucking done.
Great you have a car...big fucking deal. You want an award? Great you make money... does that mean you'll treat me the way I need to be treated? Super you know such-and-such... so then that makes you awesome by association? NO! No to all of these.... unfortunately these are the only things people find important out here. So what you're full of self-loathing. So what you have un-dealt with issues out the ass. So what you have no real substance to your life... as long as you have the house, the car, the sedated trophy wife/husband.... you're set right? Well I'm sick of this shit. After my last boyfriend.... one of the most shallow people I have EVER known..... I'm over it. I know if I stay out here I'll just be settling. I know if I stay here.... I'll be miserable and I might turn into that which I hate.. Then I might as well not continue existing because I would have turned into absolutely nothing. I'd much rather die than become just another Californian full of self-loathing, bitterness, and Paxil. Does anyone have any ideas where I should go? I much rather prefer the West Coast although I'm thinking somewhere outside NYC so I can commute in, but not be IN the city ya know? *sigh* I dunno... I've just been so restless lately, I don't know how I'd tough out another year here. I think I've met my fill of fake people. I'll explode if I meet anymore... or date them for that matter. People are just too fucked up here. Not to say there aren't fucked up people where I may be going.... but California is insane. You with never see me with over-done highlights, fake nails, tattoo-ed on makeup, in a matching track suit, in an SUV.... fuck no! I keep meeting people who claim to be real, claim to not play games, and they are 100% the opposite of who they say they are 100% of the time. So I'm done.... I'm fucking done.