(no subject)
I keep thinking about making a non friends locked entry so I am going to be brave and just do it. I've had so much in my head lately and what I realize is that I always have a lot in my head. My head is always chattering, chattering on in novels all to myself. I live my life with a running dialogue just beneath the surface of everything I do. I always tell myself I ought to journal or write more and really, if I actually sat down and wrote every time I think about trying to get it out I would write three times or more a day. And yet I never do.
It doesn't stop. It doesn't bother me, my thoughts are my constant companion in my head. In a way I don't want to let it out because it gives me my rich internal life. But I think one of the complaints is that I am such an internal person, I have so much going on inside that I don't share with anyone. I am trying to let more of it out, not even to share it in particular but just to let more of myself be on the outside.
I've come to know myself so much more over the last six months. Probably more than ever before in my life. And I feel like I am just starting to scratch the surface. There is so much more there to know and to delve into. I think learning about myself is becoming one of my favorite things to do. I am also trying to be much much less afraid of everything. I watch lots of movies. Yesterday Mike and I watched Gone Baby Gone. His TV and the blu-ray discs make everything look amazing. Much better than the theater even! It was a beautiful movie, very emotional and I thought about it the whole way home. Its really fundamentally about choices and the choices we make in our lives, the choices we are confronted with that are not clearly black or white and how we chose or not chose to do what we believe is right. Or chosing to do something wrong because we believe it is the right decision and only finding out later the real impact of our actions. Later last night we watched Dirty Pretty Things at my house. Mike had said he hadn't liked it as much, because he had seen it before, that it was ok but not great. About 40 minutes in I couldn't take my eyes away, I really loved it. Again, a movie about choices but in a way, I understand. Considering that my family is not that far removed from coming to this country and trying to make a living and becoming citizens, I understand what it is like to feel desperate, and as if there are no other options than to make the choices you feel forced to make just to survive. Mike said that this time around the movie was much better and he understood it much better and thought it was very good. I also had no idea what it was really about! I won't give it away but I was completely taken by surprise when it was revealed what it was truly about.
I read the first of the books
leahrosmertagave me, Everything is Illuminated. I am getting the movie next from netflix so I can see how it is done on film. Now I am reading Kitchen Confidential and after that I will move to the copy of Kundera's Immortality Mike lent me. I am watching movies and reading and knitting, tonight another goal is to work on my Pomatomus socks. They are coming along really nicely. I just hope they are big enough but they are just beautiful in the colorway I am using (Collinette Jitterbug in Monet on size 0 needles to get gauge).
I am completely broke this week, I used the last of my cash to buy a bus pass since I figure I'll use it this weekend for Pitchfork as well. I packed a lunch and the only thing I may run out of is coffee but that's ok. I'll live having to wait for my morning cup until I get to work. I may be broke but at least I'm happy.
It doesn't stop. It doesn't bother me, my thoughts are my constant companion in my head. In a way I don't want to let it out because it gives me my rich internal life. But I think one of the complaints is that I am such an internal person, I have so much going on inside that I don't share with anyone. I am trying to let more of it out, not even to share it in particular but just to let more of myself be on the outside.
I've come to know myself so much more over the last six months. Probably more than ever before in my life. And I feel like I am just starting to scratch the surface. There is so much more there to know and to delve into. I think learning about myself is becoming one of my favorite things to do. I am also trying to be much much less afraid of everything. I watch lots of movies. Yesterday Mike and I watched Gone Baby Gone. His TV and the blu-ray discs make everything look amazing. Much better than the theater even! It was a beautiful movie, very emotional and I thought about it the whole way home. Its really fundamentally about choices and the choices we make in our lives, the choices we are confronted with that are not clearly black or white and how we chose or not chose to do what we believe is right. Or chosing to do something wrong because we believe it is the right decision and only finding out later the real impact of our actions. Later last night we watched Dirty Pretty Things at my house. Mike had said he hadn't liked it as much, because he had seen it before, that it was ok but not great. About 40 minutes in I couldn't take my eyes away, I really loved it. Again, a movie about choices but in a way, I understand. Considering that my family is not that far removed from coming to this country and trying to make a living and becoming citizens, I understand what it is like to feel desperate, and as if there are no other options than to make the choices you feel forced to make just to survive. Mike said that this time around the movie was much better and he understood it much better and thought it was very good. I also had no idea what it was really about! I won't give it away but I was completely taken by surprise when it was revealed what it was truly about.
I read the first of the books
leahrosmertagave me, Everything is Illuminated. I am getting the movie next from netflix so I can see how it is done on film. Now I am reading Kitchen Confidential and after that I will move to the copy of Kundera's Immortality Mike lent me. I am watching movies and reading and knitting, tonight another goal is to work on my Pomatomus socks. They are coming along really nicely. I just hope they are big enough but they are just beautiful in the colorway I am using (Collinette Jitterbug in Monet on size 0 needles to get gauge).
I am completely broke this week, I used the last of my cash to buy a bus pass since I figure I'll use it this weekend for Pitchfork as well. I packed a lunch and the only thing I may run out of is coffee but that's ok. I'll live having to wait for my morning cup until I get to work. I may be broke but at least I'm happy.