I understand where your coming from but that was not the point of that thread on bad_tattoos. The point was to mock her out and put her down because they didn't personally like what she had done. It was not playful teasing it was saying it was disgusting and scary and completely different from some funny commentary on how a tattoo is poorly executed.
I just see what happened there as not "friendly insults" but as real, true attacking someone for the fact that they are different and they did't like it.
I have lurked in bad_tattoos for quite a while, I've posted to Ihearttattoos, hell, I have several large tattoos. That post completely crossed any sort of line that was ever there (hah, line shmine) in that community.
And I also happen to think that its this lax attitude toward the whole "friendly insult" thing, that people find it so acceptable to put others down in a "friendly" "joking" matter is one of the things that's wrong with society, the reason that so many people have serious self-esteem issues. Its the fact that its practically built into our culture to rip people down "for their own good" (and to make ourselves feel better) and I think that's extremely harmful and destructive. Sure there's a lot to be said for the ability to see your own flaws and see the humor in situations that aren't necessarily good but I truly think that its a pretty sick thing that its so acceptable to put others down and get away with it in such a blithe manner. I really feel that if we had the attitude that we didn't have to rip others down for any reason but instead that we all wanted to work together to improve ourselves and others and encourage others in their varied pursuits/varied body types/varied personality quirks that we would be a healthier, more mentally balanced society. That's just my worldview.
I'm totally with you there, that thread (and most others)went way out of hand and the whole community often times absolutely reeks with comments like "retard" and "fag", "or "ewww! that girl has armpit hair gross!" and I really can't stand that. I also don't like the idea of posting someone's face without their permission. As I said, their are a lot of extremely nasty things about that community that really shine a light on the problems with our culture. But unfortunately for me (and probably for many others) it's like rubber-necking a car wreck, or eating too much candy, or watching crappy tv. It's like indulging in something you know is terribly unhealthy and goes against everything you stand for. It's very bad, and it proves how weak some of us can be. I go in there knowing that sometimes that is all I'm gonna see, and I wish it didn't exist, but it does. To be honest, I actually have no idea why I'm defending it. I guess I wish it were more like an MC battle, you know?
Its my personal worldview that I try as absolutely hard as I can to not partake in stuff like that and try to work against it because unlike eating candy or watching infomercials, mocking people out is something that can really hurt other people. I guess I am extreme in this in that I really truly try to not behave this way, not in real life, not online. I am not a "kidder" nor have I ever been one. I have never been a person to put others down, when I was young I was the one that everyone else put down, and I'm not one of these pretty, rich kids whining that they were the geek but they were really actually very popular, I WAS that geek, I was the loser, the weirdo, the freak.
I am not saying that you are bad for doing what you do or passing a judgment on you. I am simply trying to explain where I am coming from in that this is actually not only how I think but truly how I act in real life. Sure, there are people I dislike, even hate! I am not some lovey-dovey love everyone person, but putting others down for their choice to be different is something I feel so strongly about I almost can't articulate it. Its become something of a life goal to always be open and try to act that out to the best of my abilities. I am just trying to tell you that I try my hardest to live my words and this is not just lip service I give.
I agree with your worldview, and I too try to live my life in way that reflects my beliefs and experiences. And I know exactly what kind of hypocracy you're talking about. I am an extremely sensitive person and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I have been judged in my life too, in really hurtful ways. But I myself am a kidder, and I like funny things, and I will, on occasion, laugh about someone, or put somebody down if they are doing something that i disagree with. But for the most part I respect people. For example, I laugh at jokes about president bush. I also laugh at jokes that make fun of people like me when the jokes are made by people who ARE like me, you know? I'm having a hard time articulating what kind of humour I find ok, but I'm hoping you get me.
I'm not making any excuses for the bad behavior on bad_tattoos, nor am I rationalizing it or justifying it. In fact, I absoloutely, 100% agree with everything you've said. I just don't want you to judge me as hypocrital or mean because of my interests in watching the drama on bad_tattoos. I swear that it's more like a cultural research kind of interest (just like when I watch reality tv shows), I SWEAR.
I read you, don't worry. I am just trying to let you know that while I completely see where you are coming from, and by the way I believe that in some sense we are all hypocrites, I just come from a different place.
I've been told that I need to lighten up, that I'm a little uptight about things like this because my sense of humor isn't as...broad as some people's about stuff like this but that's just the way I am.
And I don't think any less of you for reading bad_tattoos, I do too occasionally when I'm bored at work and have for some time. That's definitely not to say I agree with what goes on there and at the same time as I think what people can say is terribly sad and pathetic, its also a really interesting cultural phenomenon that we have created a culture of low self-esteem where mocking is institutionalized and regimented.
Noone is perfect, we are all highly imperfect. At once that is sobering, reassuring as well as terrifying.
I think we're actually pretty similar. I reread this whole thread by the way, good stuff.
I realized that I got a little nervous before because I didn't want you to think that I was trying to detract from what you said in your original post (which was quite eloquent and strong). I also didn't want to be misunderstood (and really who doesn't feel that way?) Just so you know, I've literally been called "jaded into the hardest of all stones" by one of my friends, which is sad, but sometimes I catch myself being just that, so I have to apologize. There are so many things that really bother me about this world, things that I really wish I could change, and unfortunately one of my defenses against becoming completely crazed and depressed by my feelings about these issues has been to put up a desensitizing wall of jaded dissimulation. It's not a good thing, and I need to find my way out of it.
Anyway, I don't think that you need to lighten up, or that you are uptight. As you said, we may all be a little hypocritical and no one is perfect, but that doesn't mean that we should ignore or simply laugh off the things that we know are wrong, because that usually only distracts us from getting to the roots of the problem in hopes of changing things for the better. I hate to use my mom's expression, it's corny and I'm sure you've heard it before: the squeaky wheel gets the oil. So squeak on!
I just see what happened there as not "friendly insults" but as real, true attacking someone for the fact that they are different and they did't like it.
I have lurked in bad_tattoos for quite a while, I've posted to Ihearttattoos, hell, I have several large tattoos. That post completely crossed any sort of line that was ever there (hah, line shmine) in that community.
And I also happen to think that its this lax attitude toward the whole "friendly insult" thing, that people find it so acceptable to put others down in a "friendly" "joking" matter is one of the things that's wrong with society, the reason that so many people have serious self-esteem issues. Its the fact that its practically built into our culture to rip people down "for their own good" (and to make ourselves feel better) and I think that's extremely harmful and destructive. Sure there's a lot to be said for the ability to see your own flaws and see the humor in situations that aren't necessarily good but I truly think that its a pretty sick thing that its so acceptable to put others down and get away with it in such a blithe manner. I really feel that if we had the attitude that we didn't have to rip others down for any reason but instead that we all wanted to work together to improve ourselves and others and encourage others in their varied pursuits/varied body types/varied personality quirks that we would be a healthier, more mentally balanced society.
That's just my worldview.
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I am not saying that you are bad for doing what you do or passing a judgment on you. I am simply trying to explain where I am coming from in that this is actually not only how I think but truly how I act in real life. Sure, there are people I dislike, even hate! I am not some lovey-dovey love everyone person, but putting others down for their choice to be different is something I feel so strongly about I almost can't articulate it. Its become something of a life goal to always be open and try to act that out to the best of my abilities. I am just trying to tell you that I try my hardest to live my words and this is not just lip service I give.
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I'm not making any excuses for the bad behavior on bad_tattoos, nor am I rationalizing it or justifying it. In fact, I absoloutely, 100% agree with everything you've said. I just don't want you to judge me as hypocrital or mean because of my interests in watching the drama on bad_tattoos. I swear that it's more like a cultural research kind of interest (just like when I watch reality tv shows), I SWEAR.
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I've been told that I need to lighten up, that I'm a little uptight about things like this because my sense of humor isn't as...broad as some people's about stuff like this but that's just the way I am.
And I don't think any less of you for reading bad_tattoos, I do too occasionally when I'm bored at work and have for some time. That's definitely not to say I agree with what goes on there and at the same time as I think what people can say is terribly sad and pathetic, its also a really interesting cultural phenomenon that we have created a culture of low self-esteem where mocking is institutionalized and regimented.
Noone is perfect, we are all highly imperfect. At once that is sobering, reassuring as well as terrifying.
Reply
I think we're actually pretty similar. I reread this whole thread by the way, good stuff.
I realized that I got a little nervous before because I didn't want you to think that I was trying to detract from what you said in your original post (which was quite eloquent and strong). I also didn't want to be misunderstood (and really who doesn't feel that way?)
Just so you know, I've literally been called "jaded into the hardest of all stones" by one of my friends, which is sad, but sometimes I catch myself being just that, so I have to apologize. There are so many things that really bother me about this world, things that I really wish I could change, and unfortunately one of my defenses against becoming completely crazed and depressed by my feelings about these issues has been to put up a desensitizing wall of jaded dissimulation. It's not a good thing, and I need to find my way out of it.
Anyway, I don't think that you need to lighten up, or that you are uptight. As you said, we may all be a little hypocritical and no one is perfect, but that doesn't mean that we should ignore or simply laugh off the things that we know are wrong, because that usually only distracts us from getting to the roots of the problem in hopes of changing things for the better. I hate to use my mom's expression, it's corny and I'm sure you've heard it before: the squeaky wheel gets the oil. So squeak on!
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