Uhoh
This weekend made me think about my life a lot. Seeing all the happy crafty people at Renegade just really hit me hard. Made me realize how unhappy I really am in my job. I am not a stagnant person yet I feel so stagnant in life right now. I applied for one new position but I really need to get my butt in gear and seriously start applying for new jobs. This current one just can't continue.
At the same time the thought of leaving has me practically in tears. This job has all these other wonderful things like security, a good income, great health insurance, 401K, holiday bonus and if they raise all of our salaries on January 1st like they did last year, I'll be making a sick amount of money considering my degree and what I do here in this little windowless office.
Is it worth throwing it all away to be happy? Not that I would quit before I got a new position but what if I find a great thing that pays less money? Its so hard to get rid of this mindset that I can't accept less than I have right now when half the time I just wish I worked at some neighborhood coffeeshop so I could interact with people, do something halfway interesting and feel happy about work-life again. In our current apartment I don't think that is financially feasible unfortunately or I'd do it in a minute.
I am also really nervous about law school admissions. I am worried I won't get in anywhere. I am worried that for all my talk I'll just end up staying in Chicago. What worries me is that I might be really happy doing that. I love it here. I really do. Even without Dan the decision to move away would be a huge one. I don't know.
On one hand I can't wait to get out of this job and go back to school. On the other hand I really really wish that I could take another year to work another, better, more interesting job and try to pad my resume with something else. Maybe do the MAPH program at the UofC. I kind of wish I had applied for it last fall, then I would be getting my master's in a year this year, I would be in school, not worrying about all this stupid job stuff. I really just want to go back to school. I always said I would do a PhD, I kind of wish I was applying for that because it would mean I could just escape the real world for many more years. Where would I go? I think the UofC is the only place that has a program like I am really looking for around here, while I am iffy on going there for law school, I would love to toil a few more years there as a quiet intellectual soaked in academia.
That sounds like some sort of drink "quiet intellectual soaked in academia." Ha.
I also haven't written my personal statement yet. That and asking my professors for recommendations is really the only thing holding me back from starting my applications. Oh yeah, and the cost. It is going to be really expensive for me to apply to all these schools. I am wondering if I should just cut the New York schools out of my plan. But I don't know if I want to do that. Maybe just apply to NYU and Columbia. But the problem is that I don't think I'll get into either, but I desperately want to apply anyway. Yet again, I don't know.
All this reflection has been percolating for some time. I am still trying to wrap my mind around what I am going to do. I can't not do anything, I definitely want to do something, and I have something I can do in a year, I just wish I had something I could do right now.
At the same time the thought of leaving has me practically in tears. This job has all these other wonderful things like security, a good income, great health insurance, 401K, holiday bonus and if they raise all of our salaries on January 1st like they did last year, I'll be making a sick amount of money considering my degree and what I do here in this little windowless office.
Is it worth throwing it all away to be happy? Not that I would quit before I got a new position but what if I find a great thing that pays less money? Its so hard to get rid of this mindset that I can't accept less than I have right now when half the time I just wish I worked at some neighborhood coffeeshop so I could interact with people, do something halfway interesting and feel happy about work-life again. In our current apartment I don't think that is financially feasible unfortunately or I'd do it in a minute.
I am also really nervous about law school admissions. I am worried I won't get in anywhere. I am worried that for all my talk I'll just end up staying in Chicago. What worries me is that I might be really happy doing that. I love it here. I really do. Even without Dan the decision to move away would be a huge one. I don't know.
On one hand I can't wait to get out of this job and go back to school. On the other hand I really really wish that I could take another year to work another, better, more interesting job and try to pad my resume with something else. Maybe do the MAPH program at the UofC. I kind of wish I had applied for it last fall, then I would be getting my master's in a year this year, I would be in school, not worrying about all this stupid job stuff. I really just want to go back to school. I always said I would do a PhD, I kind of wish I was applying for that because it would mean I could just escape the real world for many more years. Where would I go? I think the UofC is the only place that has a program like I am really looking for around here, while I am iffy on going there for law school, I would love to toil a few more years there as a quiet intellectual soaked in academia.
That sounds like some sort of drink "quiet intellectual soaked in academia." Ha.
I also haven't written my personal statement yet. That and asking my professors for recommendations is really the only thing holding me back from starting my applications. Oh yeah, and the cost. It is going to be really expensive for me to apply to all these schools. I am wondering if I should just cut the New York schools out of my plan. But I don't know if I want to do that. Maybe just apply to NYU and Columbia. But the problem is that I don't think I'll get into either, but I desperately want to apply anyway. Yet again, I don't know.
All this reflection has been percolating for some time. I am still trying to wrap my mind around what I am going to do. I can't not do anything, I definitely want to do something, and I have something I can do in a year, I just wish I had something I could do right now.