sleeping sickness
i cannot sleep right now if my life depended on it. I have work in four and a half hours and i don't plan on going to sleep, so be ready for me to be in rare form tomorrow because i will be sure to drink massive amounts of starbucks before work.
anywho.
things have been kinda strange lately, but these past few days i've come to realize a lot of stuff. i had started to turn into someone i said i was never going to become. i had become completely complacent with my new long island lifestyle and with my blue collar mechanic 'boyfriend' and my steady 9 to 5 job. i had started to drift away from the one person who means more to me than anybody in the world and even more so, i stopped writing music. i wasn't necessarily happy with this way but i fell into this rut and was okay with just kinda coasting along not doing too much of anything worth while. and then all of a sudden these last few days i started to miss my kinda sorta almost 'rockstar' lifestyle. i questioned myself and decisions that i was making. was i doing all of this because i wanted to do it or because i felt like i had to do it? did i do all of this because outside influences were pushing me, or is this really what i wanted? the rate i was going i was never leaving long island, and that thought scares the SHIT out of me. i do not want to end up here. i will end up hating myself in 5 years for not doing what i originally set out to do when i left school, and that was to do my own music. all these 9 - 5 jobs are just that, JOBS. don't get me wrong i love my job and all, but i was/am determined not to let this new job define who i am. i am a musician first and my music comes before all else, this firm pays the bills and allows me to work on my music and have it as my main focus. i forgot what was really important to me... and thats music and valerie. so, i found a way to make brooklyn work with my job AND my music. i knew if i wanted it bad enough i would figure out a way and i did and i couldnt be more excited right now. i have the whole world ahead of me and i can't wait to start a life on my own.
alright i can't think anymore.
anywho.
things have been kinda strange lately, but these past few days i've come to realize a lot of stuff. i had started to turn into someone i said i was never going to become. i had become completely complacent with my new long island lifestyle and with my blue collar mechanic 'boyfriend' and my steady 9 to 5 job. i had started to drift away from the one person who means more to me than anybody in the world and even more so, i stopped writing music. i wasn't necessarily happy with this way but i fell into this rut and was okay with just kinda coasting along not doing too much of anything worth while. and then all of a sudden these last few days i started to miss my kinda sorta almost 'rockstar' lifestyle. i questioned myself and decisions that i was making. was i doing all of this because i wanted to do it or because i felt like i had to do it? did i do all of this because outside influences were pushing me, or is this really what i wanted? the rate i was going i was never leaving long island, and that thought scares the SHIT out of me. i do not want to end up here. i will end up hating myself in 5 years for not doing what i originally set out to do when i left school, and that was to do my own music. all these 9 - 5 jobs are just that, JOBS. don't get me wrong i love my job and all, but i was/am determined not to let this new job define who i am. i am a musician first and my music comes before all else, this firm pays the bills and allows me to work on my music and have it as my main focus. i forgot what was really important to me... and thats music and valerie. so, i found a way to make brooklyn work with my job AND my music. i knew if i wanted it bad enough i would figure out a way and i did and i couldnt be more excited right now. i have the whole world ahead of me and i can't wait to start a life on my own.
alright i can't think anymore.