Our greatest success is always before the end
Two weeks until I move in to my dorm for school. Exactly two weeks -- but why is it not sinking in yet?
I bought the sheets, the laptop, the mini fridge; I am registered for my classes; I have my student ID; I've sent in my necessary forms; and I have been telling people for months that I'm going away this fall. Although for some reason, the words come out of my mouth as usual repetition and I never let it sink in.
Obviously I'm aware that I'm leaving and I have been acting accordingly -- putting extra effort into my jobs and acknowledging customers with greater "thank you"s knowing that this time and perhaps only a few times following will I have the opportunity to. It's as if a part of me is dying -- as it is -- a chapter is concluding and its time to move to the next. I love it, but hate it, as we do with everything in life, but the love overcomes the hate... and it has been showing much more the last few months.
Yes, I can always come back for visits, but it will never be the same.
It's like my senior year of high school all over again where everything is your last whether you want it to be or not. Personally, I didn't care at graduation. I was glad to be done and had no desire of returning to school there. However, Panteras and FFA bothered me. I hated them both with a passion, but loved them more. Panteras had been my dream since my dad took me to my first high school basketball game when I was 6 years old. I spent the next 9 years dreaming and hoping that I could be out there dancing at the half-time during my high school years. I came in my freshman year with cheers... but senior night I left with tears.
At least I left doing my best and knowing that I'm done. I can come back and visit, but it will never be the same.
Some people like to deny that fact. They like to dream that they can hold on to past chapters when, realistically, it isn't possible or good to look back. When you're done, you're done. You have to look ahead and not behind, but always carry the memories and lessons with you.
I only have 3 days to go. Maybe a week from now it will finally sink in. I have the feeling that I'm just going to get anxious over the fact that I'm leaving and wondering if I have done everything I've wanted to before then.
It's kind of ironic how I've wanted to leave for quite sometime now, but as the time gets closer to actually leaving, the more emotional I get about it.
I'm sure I'll get homesick, but its a necessity for me so I can grow and learn with new experiences. You don't learn as much being in the same place dealing with the same people.
A regular customer of mine commented today that if I wasn't leaving for school, I'd probably stay working there longer. I thought about this -- and perhaps I would, but I'd probably work one shift like Saturday mornings and be elsewhere during the rest of the week. I've learned the more hours you work there, the more crap you deal with, and the more you get screwed over. It's a nice place... but its just that all the waitresses are in it for themselves and like to screw each other over -- or, well, some of them do.
I bought the sheets, the laptop, the mini fridge; I am registered for my classes; I have my student ID; I've sent in my necessary forms; and I have been telling people for months that I'm going away this fall. Although for some reason, the words come out of my mouth as usual repetition and I never let it sink in.
Obviously I'm aware that I'm leaving and I have been acting accordingly -- putting extra effort into my jobs and acknowledging customers with greater "thank you"s knowing that this time and perhaps only a few times following will I have the opportunity to. It's as if a part of me is dying -- as it is -- a chapter is concluding and its time to move to the next. I love it, but hate it, as we do with everything in life, but the love overcomes the hate... and it has been showing much more the last few months.
Yes, I can always come back for visits, but it will never be the same.
It's like my senior year of high school all over again where everything is your last whether you want it to be or not. Personally, I didn't care at graduation. I was glad to be done and had no desire of returning to school there. However, Panteras and FFA bothered me. I hated them both with a passion, but loved them more. Panteras had been my dream since my dad took me to my first high school basketball game when I was 6 years old. I spent the next 9 years dreaming and hoping that I could be out there dancing at the half-time during my high school years. I came in my freshman year with cheers... but senior night I left with tears.
At least I left doing my best and knowing that I'm done. I can come back and visit, but it will never be the same.
Some people like to deny that fact. They like to dream that they can hold on to past chapters when, realistically, it isn't possible or good to look back. When you're done, you're done. You have to look ahead and not behind, but always carry the memories and lessons with you.
I only have 3 days to go. Maybe a week from now it will finally sink in. I have the feeling that I'm just going to get anxious over the fact that I'm leaving and wondering if I have done everything I've wanted to before then.
It's kind of ironic how I've wanted to leave for quite sometime now, but as the time gets closer to actually leaving, the more emotional I get about it.
I'm sure I'll get homesick, but its a necessity for me so I can grow and learn with new experiences. You don't learn as much being in the same place dealing with the same people.
A regular customer of mine commented today that if I wasn't leaving for school, I'd probably stay working there longer. I thought about this -- and perhaps I would, but I'd probably work one shift like Saturday mornings and be elsewhere during the rest of the week. I've learned the more hours you work there, the more crap you deal with, and the more you get screwed over. It's a nice place... but its just that all the waitresses are in it for themselves and like to screw each other over -- or, well, some of them do.