(no subject)
Tonight I'm going to a Stephen King book signing with sweet Dan. He doesn't know I call him sweet Dan. I just realized. I wonder if people have a name for me that I don't know.
So Tom came to Mass this weekend. It is now consuming my thoughts. I knew it would. Morals are a blessing and a curse. He's miserable. It's nice to be right. I'm routing for his happiness. I hope he learns to make better, wiser decisions.
He came here and texted me non-stop. I was working all weekend. He left Sunday and I haven't gotten one text since. Typical. He seemed nervous and fragile. I see through him.
It wasn't even that he started dating her again. It was the way he left it with me. He dropped me. He didn't have to drop me. He could have patched it so we could still have something. I told him. "the point of talking to you is to give me some closure. Open wounds get infected. Im not trying to take you from her. im just trying to wrap up my wound." He said. "its easier to forget." I am so glad I saved all those texts about how he dicked me over. I am so glad I can read to remember. It's easier to forget but I won't forget that I am bitter to him. I won't forget it. He can't come here and think things will just be the same. NO. He was texting me all happy and flirty on Saturday and I was so annoyed. I text Dan. "I'm so glad you're not everyone. Have a great Saturday." He said "?" I said. "I hate everyone and you are not everyone. You are not anyone, You are great." Then he called me and I loved him.
Dan coulda done the same thing. He coulda dropped me. But instead he cares about me and about people in general and he is not a dick. He has morals and he is so conciderate. He is the best person. And I love his thighs. He has the most beautiful thighs. And when I think about him I cry - like how I am right now. because I love him and because I am sad there aren't more people like him and I am sad I have to calculate him being gone into my love equation. He doesn't deserve to be the one with the sickness. He is beyond everything. I am so nervous about future sadness. I am scared of every day. Not just Dan. I am so scared to lose the people I love. I want to save them all.
I slept yesterday from 1pm - 11pm. I have been awake since. My bum has a dent in it from my computer chair.
I wish I had a night time friend. One that didn't always lick thier butt like Braxton. Well, Braxton AND someone that doesn't lick thier butt.
Janine sent me a 2010 calendar. It's incredible. an incredible gift. She is so beautiful to me. I am super sentimental today. Oh god. It's gonna be a long day. I hope I am not like this at the book signing.
Sunday night Dan and I got ice cream and brought it back to my house. He got a JIm Dandy which is about twice the size of his head. I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into. We sat on the couch and watched tv, ate our sundaes. They gave me chocolate chip ice cream instead of chocolate almond chip. I was so disappointed. Anyway. I finished my regular sized sundae and then I looked over at Dan and he was curled over his sundae in visible agony. He began moaning. He asid - my belly hurts so bad. "stop eating it!" "But it's sooo good. mooooan. I am soooo cold.... moannn shiiiiver" hahahahahaha He spooned up a piece of a banana, got it half way to his mouth - slowly, as if it were 25 pounds, then abandoned the idea.... "I can't even eat one more bite." We threw away the remnants and laid on the couch with a blanket. His whole body shivering. so so cold from the monster ice cream. It was so funny. so cute and funny. I used to hate big the big spoon. Now I see it as an opportunity - and opportunity to grab him and have him and hold him. I love him like he is my child and my brother and my best friend and my teacher and my Dan. My lover. the one I love. I gotta just keep holding him. Keep holding him until I can't.
Ohhhhhhhhhh... NOW I know why I am sad and teary and sentimental! It's December... sweet Caleb. I feel you.
I'm glad I get to see Dan tonight.
So Tom came to Mass this weekend. It is now consuming my thoughts. I knew it would. Morals are a blessing and a curse. He's miserable. It's nice to be right. I'm routing for his happiness. I hope he learns to make better, wiser decisions.
He came here and texted me non-stop. I was working all weekend. He left Sunday and I haven't gotten one text since. Typical. He seemed nervous and fragile. I see through him.
It wasn't even that he started dating her again. It was the way he left it with me. He dropped me. He didn't have to drop me. He could have patched it so we could still have something. I told him. "the point of talking to you is to give me some closure. Open wounds get infected. Im not trying to take you from her. im just trying to wrap up my wound." He said. "its easier to forget." I am so glad I saved all those texts about how he dicked me over. I am so glad I can read to remember. It's easier to forget but I won't forget that I am bitter to him. I won't forget it. He can't come here and think things will just be the same. NO. He was texting me all happy and flirty on Saturday and I was so annoyed. I text Dan. "I'm so glad you're not everyone. Have a great Saturday." He said "?" I said. "I hate everyone and you are not everyone. You are not anyone, You are great." Then he called me and I loved him.
Dan coulda done the same thing. He coulda dropped me. But instead he cares about me and about people in general and he is not a dick. He has morals and he is so conciderate. He is the best person. And I love his thighs. He has the most beautiful thighs. And when I think about him I cry - like how I am right now. because I love him and because I am sad there aren't more people like him and I am sad I have to calculate him being gone into my love equation. He doesn't deserve to be the one with the sickness. He is beyond everything. I am so nervous about future sadness. I am scared of every day. Not just Dan. I am so scared to lose the people I love. I want to save them all.
I slept yesterday from 1pm - 11pm. I have been awake since. My bum has a dent in it from my computer chair.
I wish I had a night time friend. One that didn't always lick thier butt like Braxton. Well, Braxton AND someone that doesn't lick thier butt.
Janine sent me a 2010 calendar. It's incredible. an incredible gift. She is so beautiful to me. I am super sentimental today. Oh god. It's gonna be a long day. I hope I am not like this at the book signing.
Sunday night Dan and I got ice cream and brought it back to my house. He got a JIm Dandy which is about twice the size of his head. I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into. We sat on the couch and watched tv, ate our sundaes. They gave me chocolate chip ice cream instead of chocolate almond chip. I was so disappointed. Anyway. I finished my regular sized sundae and then I looked over at Dan and he was curled over his sundae in visible agony. He began moaning. He asid - my belly hurts so bad. "stop eating it!" "But it's sooo good. mooooan. I am soooo cold.... moannn shiiiiver" hahahahahaha He spooned up a piece of a banana, got it half way to his mouth - slowly, as if it were 25 pounds, then abandoned the idea.... "I can't even eat one more bite." We threw away the remnants and laid on the couch with a blanket. His whole body shivering. so so cold from the monster ice cream. It was so funny. so cute and funny. I used to hate big the big spoon. Now I see it as an opportunity - and opportunity to grab him and have him and hold him. I love him like he is my child and my brother and my best friend and my teacher and my Dan. My lover. the one I love. I gotta just keep holding him. Keep holding him until I can't.
Ohhhhhhhhhh... NOW I know why I am sad and teary and sentimental! It's December... sweet Caleb. I feel you.
I'm glad I get to see Dan tonight.