Drama on Rock Street
Toofer went to the emergency room the other night. They told her she has kidney stones, which isnt VERY bad news, but still.....thats another bill. I feel bad for her because she is having some serious problems with Matthew. Everytime she starts talking about it, she starts crying. I am not the best touchy feely person, none of us are, but sometimes I just need to hug her or mama or kandace or keishad. We just aint like that. I do that thing that dogs do, where they dont look you right in the eye, but you know that you're the only thing they're paying attention to. I just feel helpless about that whole situation. I guess she just needs somebody to listen to her and tell her everything will be alright. At least Bridgett has 2 jobs now. Even though her and matthew fight like cats and dogs, they have to be in this situation together, like it or not.
Side note, there is a guy lingering by me. He has put OVER 20 packages of sugar in his coffee. Wes called to see what we want to do about going to Rachel's, after I hung up, i guess he just got the guts up to start talking to me.
"Where do you live?"
"Me? Just right down the street."
"I live way the hell out on Wedington"
I nodded, kept typing
"I just bought that big ass stereo, and I sure as hell dont want to take that thing on the bus, AND THEN walk 3 miles to the house."
I said "Man you got a lot of sugar in that cup! You've been breaking open sugar packets for like 10 minutes!"
He says "I like to taste the sweet." Like a pervert. These 2 women sitting by me giggled.
then he just kept talking to me about coffee and sugar. He told me that when he really wants some coffee really bad, he goes to AA meetings.
"Those alcoholics got goood coffee."
Anyway, yeah, toofer and matthew and bridgett. One mother, 2 children. They really do act like little kids. and like I said, there isn't anything I can do to help them. Matthew could get a job and move out, but I dont think he really wants to, plus toofer will never put him out. She just puts up with his shit and cries about it. It's really quite sad, as in pitiful. What to do, what to do? It makes me re-evaluate my life and what the fuck I am doing. Please dont let me end up like that. she has me driving her to work, then picking bridgett up and taking her to and from work, then coming back to get toofer, then toofer goes and picks up mama. Now this is some crazy ass shit because Toofer has not 1, not 2, but 3 cars! Now how in the hell did this situation get like this? I just do my little part to keep this disfunctional family out of....I dont' know, jail? Insanity? It's all very taxing.
I feel like I have been kind of slacking in life. Putting my dreams on the back burner in favor of all the little things (that add up to be big things) in life. It's time to reverse that kind of thinking and quit sweating the small stuff. I really believe that I have the talent and ambition to really be what I want to be and make everyone happy at the same time. I just need one open door and I will be on my way. Just one oppurtunity.
I remember in 6th grade Mr. Manire (the counselor), recommended me for this talented youth music program. It was in little Rock, which was the big city to me at the time. Well, mama set me up to stay with one of her friends down there. The program was to last like 2 weeks or something, with the culmination of a play that we all put on and wrote the music for. So I get there the first day and there are older kids as well as kids my age. They divided us up and put us in these classes where they were teaching us really complex things, or so it seemed to me.
Long story short, there was this kid in a wheelchair. He called me some names and talked about my mama, and when you're a kid (like me) you dont put up with that shit!! So i picked up this big ass brick and threw it at him. I forgot where, or even if it hit him at all. I got kicked out of the program and the worst part was how dissapointed my mom's friend was. I didnt even know this lady and felt so bad for letting her and everyone else down that was involved with me being there.
I always think back to that time. I had a real shot at....something, but I fucked it up. it wasnt the last time, either. It seems like I fuck up every chance I get and I keep getting more chances.
This time is going to be different though.
peace.
Side note, there is a guy lingering by me. He has put OVER 20 packages of sugar in his coffee. Wes called to see what we want to do about going to Rachel's, after I hung up, i guess he just got the guts up to start talking to me.
"Where do you live?"
"Me? Just right down the street."
"I live way the hell out on Wedington"
I nodded, kept typing
"I just bought that big ass stereo, and I sure as hell dont want to take that thing on the bus, AND THEN walk 3 miles to the house."
I said "Man you got a lot of sugar in that cup! You've been breaking open sugar packets for like 10 minutes!"
He says "I like to taste the sweet." Like a pervert. These 2 women sitting by me giggled.
then he just kept talking to me about coffee and sugar. He told me that when he really wants some coffee really bad, he goes to AA meetings.
"Those alcoholics got goood coffee."
Anyway, yeah, toofer and matthew and bridgett. One mother, 2 children. They really do act like little kids. and like I said, there isn't anything I can do to help them. Matthew could get a job and move out, but I dont think he really wants to, plus toofer will never put him out. She just puts up with his shit and cries about it. It's really quite sad, as in pitiful. What to do, what to do? It makes me re-evaluate my life and what the fuck I am doing. Please dont let me end up like that. she has me driving her to work, then picking bridgett up and taking her to and from work, then coming back to get toofer, then toofer goes and picks up mama. Now this is some crazy ass shit because Toofer has not 1, not 2, but 3 cars! Now how in the hell did this situation get like this? I just do my little part to keep this disfunctional family out of....I dont' know, jail? Insanity? It's all very taxing.
I feel like I have been kind of slacking in life. Putting my dreams on the back burner in favor of all the little things (that add up to be big things) in life. It's time to reverse that kind of thinking and quit sweating the small stuff. I really believe that I have the talent and ambition to really be what I want to be and make everyone happy at the same time. I just need one open door and I will be on my way. Just one oppurtunity.
I remember in 6th grade Mr. Manire (the counselor), recommended me for this talented youth music program. It was in little Rock, which was the big city to me at the time. Well, mama set me up to stay with one of her friends down there. The program was to last like 2 weeks or something, with the culmination of a play that we all put on and wrote the music for. So I get there the first day and there are older kids as well as kids my age. They divided us up and put us in these classes where they were teaching us really complex things, or so it seemed to me.
Long story short, there was this kid in a wheelchair. He called me some names and talked about my mama, and when you're a kid (like me) you dont put up with that shit!! So i picked up this big ass brick and threw it at him. I forgot where, or even if it hit him at all. I got kicked out of the program and the worst part was how dissapointed my mom's friend was. I didnt even know this lady and felt so bad for letting her and everyone else down that was involved with me being there.
I always think back to that time. I had a real shot at....something, but I fucked it up. it wasnt the last time, either. It seems like I fuck up every chance I get and I keep getting more chances.
This time is going to be different though.
peace.