Revenge of nature!
Too fucking right! I woke up this morning at 7:30 AM and stumbled into the study to check my email. When I looked out the window, I noticed that the weird, enormous tree-like/shrub thing that regularly dominates my backyard was now really dominating it, having been blown over sometime during the night. Normally it stands flush up against the fence. Last night, nature said, "No more!"
God knows what this thing actually is. I'm pretty sure that it's two huge shrubs combined into a single, monstrous agglomerate, as vines have wound their way up the base bits and now sprout freely and in random places. Clearly the dramatic felling was a combination of the torrential winds, the increasing heaviness of the foliage, and the fact that whoever last anchored this behemoth to the fence stupidly tied it to just a plank (and not to the more secure crosspost).
Considering that I can't afford to pay someone to come and tear this thing out of the ground (it hasn't been uprooted, any way) and haul it away, I've got my work cut out for me this weekend. I like this crazy shrub, and the fact that its roots remain stubbornly in the ground have just convinced me that I have to give it a massive haircut and then re-anchor it (albeit more securely) to the fence. This job will be a bitch and a half, and I can't do a thing about it until this weekend because of my looming Friday deadline. At least my neighbour knocked on my door this morning and offered to lend me his buzzsaw trimmer, because otherwise I'd have to rent one. Too bad I wasn't wearing any pants when I opened the door.
Stupid shrub! Time to go get a coffee.
ADDENDUM (2:50 PM):
Nature clearly wants nothing to do with me today. I was stung by a goddamned bee! I hope the bee enjoyed its death and, in the final moments of its life, reflected on the relative worth of its decision to sting me and die as a result. Had to dig the stinger out while I whimpered and was generally a baby about the whole thing. No baking soda in the house (of course not), so have been medicating with ice and bags of whatever frozen veggies remained in the freezer.
Nature is so stupid.
ADDENDUM (3:22 PM):
Since I'm sitting around convalescing (read: sulking) post bee-sting, I have time to muse. Is it wrong to be a little turned-on by those stupid fucking "this is M&S [seasonal] food" ads? Yes. Yes, it is wrong. The ads are essentially food-porn, but that doesn't make it right that I'm sitting here, openly admitting that one of these days I'm going to fuck the shit out of my television when these ads appear.
- JJJJS