(no subject)
I haven't been updating for awhile, and that is due to many reasons. To begin with, my Grandma Clara, the grandma who lived with me, died a few weeks ago. It was a very hard thing for me to deal with, since my grandma and I were so very close. Though, just like anything, it's something I have to get through and get over. I wrote an article for our school newspaper about her, and seeing that most of my LJ friends don't go to SHS (anymore), you can read it here, along with a picture of me and my grandma:
On an early Wednesday morning, a few weeks ago, it was raining very hard. The clouds were dark and the sky was turning a deep shade of grey as I woke up for school. I hit the snooze button a few times, as is my usual routine. Then I got to my feet and stumbled through the darkened hallway to the bathroom.
I walked past our spare bedroom where my grandma was sleeping. She had been staying with my dad and I for over a year now while he worked swing shifts at US Steel. I glanced in, but it was too dark to see anything. And I was in a hurry this morning and left without letting her know.
My grandma used to wake up with me for school in morning and talk to me as I got ready. Lately she just slept in. Though, on most days, as I stood outside waiting for the bus, I saw her watching me from our living room window. She always worried if I was okay.
School came and went. I don’t remember it being very momentous, but I do remember what happened when I got home as if it were yesterday. My dad, uncle, and aunt were sitting at our kitchen table with upsetting looks on their faces. I asked what was wrong, and my dad turned to me and said, "I don’t know how to tell you this, but Grandma Clara is dead."
A rush of confused and angry emotions crept into me as I ran into my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. I cried for my grandma, my dad, my family, but mostly myself. I couldn’t remember a time without her being there. She wasn’t sick and she didn’t have an accident. She just died- without any notice or sign.
We never found out the reason. An autopsy was unnecessary, so we just left it be and said, "Grandma lived a peaceful life and died a peaceful death." I bounced back rather quickly and continued to go to school and work and keep myself busy. But I’m still grieving. Sometimes, on my way to the bathroom I glance into her room, half thinking she’ll be there, half knowing she won’t.
I consider myself privileged to have been the last person to talk to my grandma. She woke up at 10:30 the night before as I was getting a drink in the kitchen. "I’m just checking the coffee pot," she said, making sure it was unplugged and that our house wasn’t going to catch on fire. Then she reminded for the third time to turn off the Christmas tree lights and went to bed. My grandma and I had become very close over the last few years, and I even lived with her for many months while I was going to Norwin and in the summer. She was the most admirable person I knew, and I can’t remember her ever saying anything mean or callous about anyone. We all had a great Thanksgiving this year, but I know Christmas won’t be the same without her.
Grieving is a natural part of life, and the death of grandparents or anyone else close to you can make you feel hopeless inside. But the way I like to remember my grandma is all the times she made me laugh and all the memories we have together. Time helps too.
One thing I’ll never forget about this experience was: At the funeral, a lot of pictures and nostalgic things were placed on tables around the casket. I remember a sign being there that she used to have hanging above the doorway in her kitchen. It said, "A mother is someone you never outgrow your need for." That goes for grandmothers too.
Jon told me to keep on truckin'. That helped a little. Other than that though, I've been working a lot at JCPenney's. For my first paycheck, I worked 25 hours and got paid $279. I was very surprised and happy to be making some decent money. Even though I have to dress up for work and it's not really my style, I'm not complaining. I can see myself there for a long time. With work, school, and Brandon-life, I've also been trying to get my Christmas shopping out of the way. I've done pretty good thus-far, but some people are so hard to shop for (i.e. my dad and Chris Brittain). I'll get it done though. I always do. So yeah, I wanted to get this entry out of the way. I've been putting it off for too long. Maybe I'll update later when life gets simpler.