.003 | Voice.

[thefuckening]

[Enjoying some silence? NOT FOR LONG. Leezar's melodious cackling breaks through.]

Your spell missed me this time, Admiral! Already, I can see that the effects of this flood are as impotent as your... your... steering. And... leadership skills.

[Yeah, you told him.]

Comments

On deck - because I can't let Elric go without at least one thread of MASSIVE CRACK

[blackbladebitch]

[So Elric is out on deck, taking in the sights. It's one of the things he has always quietly enjoyed about the Barge, and he's determined to make as much of it as he can before he leaves. He is also thoroughly affected by the flood, and so is trying to get away from people whilst also radiating no small amount of ANGST, self-pity, moody nobility, and a general absence of a sense of humour.

Too bad his meanderings have taken him into Leezar's orbit. He narrows his eyes a little at the wizard, of whom he has an exceptionally low opinion. The Bright Emperors wouldn't have deigned to use him to feed their dogs.]

EXCELLENT!

[thefuckening]

[Well, what's this bubble of self importance and melodrama coming your way? Why, it's Leezar, the most popular, talented sorcerer on the Barge! Only, he's in a bit of a mood right now, since people have taken to walking up to him and being total assholes today, and he has no idea why, since he's, quite frankly, amazing and deserves their awe and respect.

And fear. Naturally.

But nevermind that! He's been busy constructing a new staff, one to channel the powers of the stars on which the Barge floats (because those stars are clearly where the Barge draws its magic), and now? Now it's time to take that staff out for a test run.

Too bad it's made out of a pool cue and a plastic bauble he mistook for a crystal.

Look. Plastic doesn't exist in his world, so fuck off with that... judgey look.]

oh god, Leezar makes me laugh so hard.

[blackbladebitch]

[Under normal circumstances, Elric is fairly melodramatic himself, but this particular trait has now, as Nigel Tufnel might say, been turned up to eleven. Thanks, Leezar.]

YOU, SIR! What trickery would you wreak with that STAFF?

TY! Elric's response is killing me

[thefuckening]

[Affronted!] WHAT? Trickery, indeed! I'll have you know that this is a perfectly innocent... [Uhhhhhhhh.] navigational tool. Very sophisticated. You wouldn't understand. [FOOL-- but he manages to hold that back, at least. After all, he has to play... innocent.]

[blackbladebitch]

WOULD I NOT? I am the LAST DRAGON EMPEROR OF MELNIBONE, thou worm, and when I was a boy of TEN I was greater sorceror than you and your ... Fuckening.

[Elric is vaguely aware that he is talking in ALLCAPS, or the Melnibonéan equivalent thereof, but it seems to be coming oddly naturally.]

[thefuckening]

You'll never be a better sorcerer than me! I am the great LEEZAR, the most feared sorcerer in all the Kingdom or Morn! You're just a dog, you--

[WAIT. Wait. Leezar has to stop and drop the theatrics for a moment.]

Wait, did you just say Dragon Emperor?

[blackbladebitch]

AYE, I did; what of it, Leezar? [Said with all the contempt that the last emperor of a 10,000-year-old empire can muster. Throughout all this, incidentally, Elric is striking an extremely Imperial pose, most grandiose.]

[thefuckening]

[For now, Leezar's not really noticing the contempt. Mainly because, well, it's ALMOST LIKE TALKING TO HIMSELF. So this is kind of normal.] Are you actually a dragon? Underneath all the... [DISTASTEFULLY:] skin and hair.

[blackbladebitch]

Use your eyes, FOOL. Do you see a dragon's wings or venom? Nay, I am no dragon. [With a great deal of pride:] Though it is said that the blood of the great Phoorn of Melniboné flows through the veins of my people.

[thefuckening]

I AM USING MY EYES! You're the one who just revealed your foolishness! [This is punctuated with a pound of his staff against the ground.] Magic and enchantments can mask a truly skilled sorcerer's true form! [A sweeping dramatic hand motion, from his hairline down to his neck, as if to illustrate.] Like me.

[And then, A CONTEMPTUOUS, BUT AMUSED CHUCKLE.] Phoorn... That's a stupid name.

[blackbladebitch]

[Affronted:] IT IS NOT. It is the ancient tongue of HIGH MELNIBONE, spoken before your ancestors knew that there was muck for them to crawl out of, muck that they were living in because they had not evolved into having LEGS and-and-

[Sputtering a little, he trails off, wondering where in the eight hells TAHT came from. Glare. Glare.] And what, pray tell, are YOUR enchantments masking?

[thefuckening]

Well, it sounds like gibberish!

[Scoff scoff.] Nothing. At the moment. But I've been known to mask my appearance so perfectly that none could identify me!

[blackbladebitch]

[SO UNIMPRESSED.]

Show me then, wizard. Demonstrate your MAGNIFICENT powers!

[thefuckening]

[Have some ANGRY POINTING WITH HIS STAFF.]

You know full well I cannot harness my magic here, Warden!

[blackbladebitch]

Aye? What excuse have you got in your native world?

[And he grabs at the staff.]

[thefuckening]

I'm the greatest sorcerer in my native-- HEY! Don't touch the staff, [TUG TUG] motherfucker.