Fic: No Good Scheme Goes Unpunished, or When Sporks Fly (NCIS, Gibbs/DiNozzo, NC17)
Title: No Good Scheme Goes Unpunished, or When Sporks Fly, Chapter 2
Authors: fluffnutter and thefrogg
Fandom: NCIS
Beta: Each other?
Pairing: Gibbs/Tony
Warnings: Hurt/comfort, well-meaning hostage taking, course language, m/m sex
Summary: Abby, Ziva and McGee think Gibbs and Tony need to confess their true feelings to one another and set up a plan to force them together. Hilarity and angst ensue.
“Well? Did you piss off Gibbs?”
Abby’s question was greeted with conspiratorial grins. She gleefully clasped her hands together. “Excellent. Now we just … wait a minute? Where’s Tony? This isn’t going to work if T...”
“Abby.”
“…ony isn’t with him. Oh, god. Oh, god. And it’s too late to ch…”
“Abby!” Ziva this time.
“…ange the plan. And they’ll never get together now. Oh man. Oh….”
“Abby!”
“What, McGee?”
“Tony’s with him.”
Abby stared blankly at her co-conspirators. “Oh.”
“I have to say,” said Ziva, “that it was not easy to play idiot.”
“It’s ‘play dumb’, Ziva.”
“Whatever, McGee. My point is, it was difficult to look bad in front of Gibbs. I am not used to … looking bad in front of a superior.”
Abby threw an arm across Ziva’s shoulders. “Ah, but if all goes according to plan, Gibbs will be too happy to care about any of that.”
“Or he’ll fire us all.”
“Timmy!” Abby gasped. “Think positive! We’re doing Tony and Gibbs a huge favor. Of course they’re going to be happy. Thrilled in fact!”
“At the very least we’ll be rid of all the sexual tension between the two of them,” Ziva added, returning to her desk. She sighed as she slumped into her chair. “The only question now is … do we wait here or at our homes?”
McGee frowned. “You are sure they’re OK in there, Abs? What if they have to … y’know.”
Abby and Ziva exchanged confused glances. “Y’know ‘what’, McGee?” Abby asked.
“Y’know,” McGee repeated with extra emphasis.
Ziva smirked and winked at Abby. “Do you perhaps mean, McGee, what if they have to … what is the American phrase? Poop and pee?”
McGee turned scarlet as Abby began to giggle. “Oh, Timmy. Of course I thought of that. I thought of everything. All bases covered, so to speak.”
“Fine,” McGee muttered, heading to his desk, back firmly facing his tormentors. “Then I’m going home before Vance walks in and asks me where they are and I have to lie to the director of NCIS about being part of conspiracy to get my boss and co-worker together.”
“Don’t ask, don’t tell!” Abby called to McGee’s retreating back.
“Um, Abby?”
“Yes, Ziva?”
“How are Gibbs and Tony supposed to … y’know?”
Abby’s face lit up. “Relax, Ziva. I left a bucket.” And with that, she sauntered from the room, leaving a stricken Ziva in her wake.
“We are so dead when Gibbs gets out of there,” Ziva whispered.
***
Gibbs blinked at the door, arm hovering for a long moment before lowering back to his side. "I'm going to kill them." His tone was bland and matter-of-fact. "Slowly. With a rusty spoon."
"I'd suggest the use of chopsticks, but I don't think those would help with the slowly part of it." Tony snickered, leaning back against a shelf. "Then again, at least you know they actually do know better."
"Chopsticks?" Gibbs asked, snatching the note from its resting place finally.
Tony shrugged. "Rusty spoons are cliché. Killing someone with chopsticks? That's good comedy." That’s right, Tony. Keep up the comedy so you don’t think about the fact that you’re trapped in a very small space with no way ou…
"Tell you what," Gibbs muttered, slitting open the envelope with sharp, jerky motions, "why don't I just use a plastic spork. Make it nice and messy while I'm at it."
"Well, I suppose you could use a really bad car accident to cover it up, but you'd have to make sure it exploded and I don't know how you'd get..." Tony trailed off as he watched Gibbs' lips move silently. "Boss?"
"What the hell’s UST?"
Tony snorted. "Unresolved sexual tension."
"Figures." Gibbs glanced around the room, tapping the half-folded paper against his fingertips. "Might as well get comfortable, looks like we're going to be here for a while."
"Sort of figured that one out myself, Boss." Tony swallowed down his still-growing sense of panic and tilted his head towards the note. Something to focus on. "Mind if I take a look?"
Gibbs held it out silently.
Tony gave Gibbs as much distance as he could in the cramped space (stop thinking about that, DiNozzo) and opened the folded paper. Abby’s writing, he thought, noting the loopy, gothic scrawl. Figures she’d be behind this.
Dear Gibbs and Tony:
It’s time for you two to clear up the UST! Talk to each other! Tell each other how you really feel!!!!
Tony shook his head. Abby had underlined “really” about 10 times and added several little black hearts at the end of the sentence. Not a surprise really. The next part was, though.
And if things go really well - More underlining. -- there’s condoms and lube on the middle far right shelf.
Tony shifted his wide-eyed gaze to the shelf in question. Oh. My. God. She’d actually left condoms and lube. She actually expected the two of them to have sex in a cramped storage room.
“It wouldn’t be the worst place we’ve had sex.”
Tony snapped back around to face Gibbs.
“Wasn’t hard to tell where you were in the note,” Gibbs continued as he leant against the locked door and snapped his cell phone shut. “No signal.” He smirked at Tony’s open-mouthed stare. “Oh, it gets better. Keep reading.”
Don’t bother trying to open the door. It’s sealed tight and there’s absolutely nothing in the room that will open the door. Knocking and banging’s no good, either. I’m gone for the night and Tim sent out an e-mail to maintenance from you, Gibbs, telling them to steer clear of the lab for the night. Special investigation and all that.
So McGeek was in on it. Revenge was going to be so sweet. If he didn’t lose his mind first, that is.
Tim also helped me set up the jamming signal for your cell phones. So you can forget those, too.
Gibbs’ phone crashing against the far wall attested to the success of that portion of the plot. Tony gulped. Gibbs getting angry was really not helping him not panic.
Oh! Ziva helped, too! She set up the trigger that locked the door when you got far enough in.
Un-freaking-believable.
So just have a seat (there’s blankets and pillows in the far left corner), have something to eat and drink (beneath the sex supplies!), and talk this out. Or more. I’ll unlock you at 0800.
Trust me guys, you’ll be grateful when you finally admit your true feelings for one another. More freaking hearts. None of us will think any less of you. And we definitely will help keep it under wraps!
Love, Abby
Tony carefully refolded the note and placed it next to the condoms and lube. “Boss?”
“Yeah, Tony.”
Tony plastered his patented smart-ass grin across his face. “I’d just like to say that I love you. I’ve always loved you. And when you get us the hell out of this, I’d be happy to fuck your brains out.” Please, please, please, get me the fuck out of here.
“You don’t really think I’m in any mood to bottom after this, do you?”
"Well, no, actually," Tony said, cocking his head. "I kind of thought I'd need some time to recover first." Because nothing put Gibbs in a dominant mood like having his authority challenged.
"You'll be lucky if I don't tie you to my bed," Gibbs grumbled, voice gravelly with the edge of a fine rage.
Arousal shivered its way down Tony's spine, then turned cold as memories made his wrists itch. He took a deep breath, shaking his head, only to have it lodge in his throat. "Boss..." The word came rough and strangled, hissed through clenched teeth as Tony grappled at the shelves. His knuckles turned white with strain as he started to slide down the wall.
"Tony?"
Tony opened eyes he hadn't remembered closing to find Gibbs crouching next to him. Words wouldn't come, choked off by the fear constricting his chest.
"Tony!" Gibbs reached down, one hand at Tony's hip, one curled around his neck, and drew him forward, away from the wall. He didn't have a chance to brace himself before Tony was on him, sending them both sprawling on the floor, or at least as much as the cramped space would allow. "Tony..."
"The...the walls..." Tony whimpered into Gibbs' throat, unable to finish.
"Jesus." Panic attack, and they couldn't leave the room. "I'm going to kill them."
Tony dug his fingers into Gibbs’ sleeve, his breaths coming faster and more labored by the second. He had to get out. He had to escape. He had to …
“Tony!”
Callused hands framed Tony’s face, forcing his eyes to meet Gibbs’. Tony opened his mouth, but no sound issued forth. His eyes grew even wider.
“With me, Tony.” Gibbs drew in a slow, deep breath, held it for a minute, then slowly exhaled. “With me,” he again instructed.
Tony continued to gasp like a guppy on land. His lips began to turn blue.
“DiNozzo!”
Tears rolled down Tony’s cheek.
Swat!
The sharp slap to the back of Tony’s head broke his breathing pattern. Callused fingers gripped his chin and refocused his gaze. He saw lips purse, heard an order to “breathe with me.” He knew that voice. That voice knew him. He trusted it. Trusted the person. He breathed in.
“Good, Tony. Good. Now breathe out, nice and slow.” Gibbs breathed his own sigh of relief as Tony let go of the breath. “And again.” He allowed a small smile as Tony obeyed, his breath stuttered, but steady.
The world slowly came back into focus. He was breathing. Breathing was good. The arms around him? That was good, too. He blinked. “G-gibbs? Wha?”
“Shh…just keep breathing.” He ran his fingers through sweat-soaked spikes of hair. “You’re gonna be fine.”
Tony blinked again. What had happened? Why did he feel like thi…? His breathed hitched as memory struck.
Gibbs felt Tony tense in his arms. “Hey, hey, hey!,” he chastened with a quick shake. Tony’s eyes snapped to his, breath already becoming labored. “Stop it, DiNozzo.”
“C-can’t boss,” Tony gasped. “Pl-please. I need to get out. I can’t stay here. I can’t ….” His protest was silenced by Gibbs’ mouth on his own, his breath stolen by the tongue seeking entrance.
Gibbs’ broke the kiss, brushing his lips across Tony’s. He needed to give Tony something else to focus on and fast. Preferably something that would knock him out for a while. A quick visual recon of the “supplies” Abby left for them gave Gibbs a couple of options, but alcohol would take too long and have a nasty after effect. That left … Gibbs sighed.
“Hush, Tony. I’m right here. Nothing’s gonna happen to you while I’m here.” His hand moved from Tony’s face to his belt. “Let me take care of you.”
Glazed eyes tried to follow Gibbs’ hand, but he was cut off by another kiss, gentler this time.
“You just keep breathing.”
“Kay,” Tony whispered, his breath slowing.
Gibbs made short work of the buckle, button and zipper. “Lift,” he ordered with a tug on Tony’s pants, which soon rested above his knees, followed by his underwear.
Tony whimpered as Gibbs eased him to the floor. “Just for a moment, Tony,” he heard Gibbs say. A moment later he was wrapped in Gibbs’ arms again, and a moment after that, a warm, slick hand wrapped itself around his dick. His eyes opened wider. “Gibbs….”
“Hush.” Warm fingers stroked and twisted down his length. “Just lie back and let me do the work.”
“Bossy,” Tony moaned.
Gibbs smirked. “Yeah, well… that’s because I’m the boss. You shut up and breathe.”
It didn’t take long. Tony was still too tense to last more than a few strokes and then he was coming all over Gibbs’ hand with a cry. After a few gasps, his breath evened out, his head lolling in the crook of Gibbs’ arm.
“You with me, Tony?”
A happy murmur was the only reply.
“Sleep, Tony,” Gibbs said, reaching for one of the towels. He’d use the sanitized towelettes Abby had left for them once he had Tony settled. “I’ll be right here.”
The combination of panic and pleasure dragged Tony quickly into slumber.
Gibbs knew it wouldn't last, taking the opportunity to clean up the mess and tuck Tony's back in his pants.
Tony smiled in his sleep at the touch, pressing closer, before stilling again.
They had an hour before Tony woke, if they were lucky. An hour Gibbs could use to try, however futilely, to think of a way out, or an hour to come with some way to keep Tony focused without a case, or alcohol, or sex. Gibbs had to work to keep his body from tensing up in anger, unwilling to cut that hour short.
For possibly the first time in his life, Gibbs wished his team weren't quite as good at what they did. Then again, if the team were as good as he'd hoped, they wouldn't have had to resort to locking the two of them in the closet.
Chapter 3
Authors: fluffnutter and thefrogg
Fandom: NCIS
Beta: Each other?
Pairing: Gibbs/Tony
Warnings: Hurt/comfort, well-meaning hostage taking, course language, m/m sex
Summary: Abby, Ziva and McGee think Gibbs and Tony need to confess their true feelings to one another and set up a plan to force them together. Hilarity and angst ensue.
“Well? Did you piss off Gibbs?”
Abby’s question was greeted with conspiratorial grins. She gleefully clasped her hands together. “Excellent. Now we just … wait a minute? Where’s Tony? This isn’t going to work if T...”
“Abby.”
“…ony isn’t with him. Oh, god. Oh, god. And it’s too late to ch…”
“Abby!” Ziva this time.
“…ange the plan. And they’ll never get together now. Oh man. Oh….”
“Abby!”
“What, McGee?”
“Tony’s with him.”
Abby stared blankly at her co-conspirators. “Oh.”
“I have to say,” said Ziva, “that it was not easy to play idiot.”
“It’s ‘play dumb’, Ziva.”
“Whatever, McGee. My point is, it was difficult to look bad in front of Gibbs. I am not used to … looking bad in front of a superior.”
Abby threw an arm across Ziva’s shoulders. “Ah, but if all goes according to plan, Gibbs will be too happy to care about any of that.”
“Or he’ll fire us all.”
“Timmy!” Abby gasped. “Think positive! We’re doing Tony and Gibbs a huge favor. Of course they’re going to be happy. Thrilled in fact!”
“At the very least we’ll be rid of all the sexual tension between the two of them,” Ziva added, returning to her desk. She sighed as she slumped into her chair. “The only question now is … do we wait here or at our homes?”
McGee frowned. “You are sure they’re OK in there, Abs? What if they have to … y’know.”
Abby and Ziva exchanged confused glances. “Y’know ‘what’, McGee?” Abby asked.
“Y’know,” McGee repeated with extra emphasis.
Ziva smirked and winked at Abby. “Do you perhaps mean, McGee, what if they have to … what is the American phrase? Poop and pee?”
McGee turned scarlet as Abby began to giggle. “Oh, Timmy. Of course I thought of that. I thought of everything. All bases covered, so to speak.”
“Fine,” McGee muttered, heading to his desk, back firmly facing his tormentors. “Then I’m going home before Vance walks in and asks me where they are and I have to lie to the director of NCIS about being part of conspiracy to get my boss and co-worker together.”
“Don’t ask, don’t tell!” Abby called to McGee’s retreating back.
“Um, Abby?”
“Yes, Ziva?”
“How are Gibbs and Tony supposed to … y’know?”
Abby’s face lit up. “Relax, Ziva. I left a bucket.” And with that, she sauntered from the room, leaving a stricken Ziva in her wake.
“We are so dead when Gibbs gets out of there,” Ziva whispered.
***
Gibbs blinked at the door, arm hovering for a long moment before lowering back to his side. "I'm going to kill them." His tone was bland and matter-of-fact. "Slowly. With a rusty spoon."
"I'd suggest the use of chopsticks, but I don't think those would help with the slowly part of it." Tony snickered, leaning back against a shelf. "Then again, at least you know they actually do know better."
"Chopsticks?" Gibbs asked, snatching the note from its resting place finally.
Tony shrugged. "Rusty spoons are cliché. Killing someone with chopsticks? That's good comedy." That’s right, Tony. Keep up the comedy so you don’t think about the fact that you’re trapped in a very small space with no way ou…
"Tell you what," Gibbs muttered, slitting open the envelope with sharp, jerky motions, "why don't I just use a plastic spork. Make it nice and messy while I'm at it."
"Well, I suppose you could use a really bad car accident to cover it up, but you'd have to make sure it exploded and I don't know how you'd get..." Tony trailed off as he watched Gibbs' lips move silently. "Boss?"
"What the hell’s UST?"
Tony snorted. "Unresolved sexual tension."
"Figures." Gibbs glanced around the room, tapping the half-folded paper against his fingertips. "Might as well get comfortable, looks like we're going to be here for a while."
"Sort of figured that one out myself, Boss." Tony swallowed down his still-growing sense of panic and tilted his head towards the note. Something to focus on. "Mind if I take a look?"
Gibbs held it out silently.
Tony gave Gibbs as much distance as he could in the cramped space (stop thinking about that, DiNozzo) and opened the folded paper. Abby’s writing, he thought, noting the loopy, gothic scrawl. Figures she’d be behind this.
Dear Gibbs and Tony:
It’s time for you two to clear up the UST! Talk to each other! Tell each other how you really feel!!!!
Tony shook his head. Abby had underlined “really” about 10 times and added several little black hearts at the end of the sentence. Not a surprise really. The next part was, though.
And if things go really well - More underlining. -- there’s condoms and lube on the middle far right shelf.
Tony shifted his wide-eyed gaze to the shelf in question. Oh. My. God. She’d actually left condoms and lube. She actually expected the two of them to have sex in a cramped storage room.
“It wouldn’t be the worst place we’ve had sex.”
Tony snapped back around to face Gibbs.
“Wasn’t hard to tell where you were in the note,” Gibbs continued as he leant against the locked door and snapped his cell phone shut. “No signal.” He smirked at Tony’s open-mouthed stare. “Oh, it gets better. Keep reading.”
Don’t bother trying to open the door. It’s sealed tight and there’s absolutely nothing in the room that will open the door. Knocking and banging’s no good, either. I’m gone for the night and Tim sent out an e-mail to maintenance from you, Gibbs, telling them to steer clear of the lab for the night. Special investigation and all that.
So McGeek was in on it. Revenge was going to be so sweet. If he didn’t lose his mind first, that is.
Tim also helped me set up the jamming signal for your cell phones. So you can forget those, too.
Gibbs’ phone crashing against the far wall attested to the success of that portion of the plot. Tony gulped. Gibbs getting angry was really not helping him not panic.
Oh! Ziva helped, too! She set up the trigger that locked the door when you got far enough in.
Un-freaking-believable.
So just have a seat (there’s blankets and pillows in the far left corner), have something to eat and drink (beneath the sex supplies!), and talk this out. Or more. I’ll unlock you at 0800.
Trust me guys, you’ll be grateful when you finally admit your true feelings for one another. More freaking hearts. None of us will think any less of you. And we definitely will help keep it under wraps!
Love, Abby
Tony carefully refolded the note and placed it next to the condoms and lube. “Boss?”
“Yeah, Tony.”
Tony plastered his patented smart-ass grin across his face. “I’d just like to say that I love you. I’ve always loved you. And when you get us the hell out of this, I’d be happy to fuck your brains out.” Please, please, please, get me the fuck out of here.
“You don’t really think I’m in any mood to bottom after this, do you?”
"Well, no, actually," Tony said, cocking his head. "I kind of thought I'd need some time to recover first." Because nothing put Gibbs in a dominant mood like having his authority challenged.
"You'll be lucky if I don't tie you to my bed," Gibbs grumbled, voice gravelly with the edge of a fine rage.
Arousal shivered its way down Tony's spine, then turned cold as memories made his wrists itch. He took a deep breath, shaking his head, only to have it lodge in his throat. "Boss..." The word came rough and strangled, hissed through clenched teeth as Tony grappled at the shelves. His knuckles turned white with strain as he started to slide down the wall.
"Tony?"
Tony opened eyes he hadn't remembered closing to find Gibbs crouching next to him. Words wouldn't come, choked off by the fear constricting his chest.
"Tony!" Gibbs reached down, one hand at Tony's hip, one curled around his neck, and drew him forward, away from the wall. He didn't have a chance to brace himself before Tony was on him, sending them both sprawling on the floor, or at least as much as the cramped space would allow. "Tony..."
"The...the walls..." Tony whimpered into Gibbs' throat, unable to finish.
"Jesus." Panic attack, and they couldn't leave the room. "I'm going to kill them."
Tony dug his fingers into Gibbs’ sleeve, his breaths coming faster and more labored by the second. He had to get out. He had to escape. He had to …
“Tony!”
Callused hands framed Tony’s face, forcing his eyes to meet Gibbs’. Tony opened his mouth, but no sound issued forth. His eyes grew even wider.
“With me, Tony.” Gibbs drew in a slow, deep breath, held it for a minute, then slowly exhaled. “With me,” he again instructed.
Tony continued to gasp like a guppy on land. His lips began to turn blue.
“DiNozzo!”
Tears rolled down Tony’s cheek.
Swat!
The sharp slap to the back of Tony’s head broke his breathing pattern. Callused fingers gripped his chin and refocused his gaze. He saw lips purse, heard an order to “breathe with me.” He knew that voice. That voice knew him. He trusted it. Trusted the person. He breathed in.
“Good, Tony. Good. Now breathe out, nice and slow.” Gibbs breathed his own sigh of relief as Tony let go of the breath. “And again.” He allowed a small smile as Tony obeyed, his breath stuttered, but steady.
The world slowly came back into focus. He was breathing. Breathing was good. The arms around him? That was good, too. He blinked. “G-gibbs? Wha?”
“Shh…just keep breathing.” He ran his fingers through sweat-soaked spikes of hair. “You’re gonna be fine.”
Tony blinked again. What had happened? Why did he feel like thi…? His breathed hitched as memory struck.
Gibbs felt Tony tense in his arms. “Hey, hey, hey!,” he chastened with a quick shake. Tony’s eyes snapped to his, breath already becoming labored. “Stop it, DiNozzo.”
“C-can’t boss,” Tony gasped. “Pl-please. I need to get out. I can’t stay here. I can’t ….” His protest was silenced by Gibbs’ mouth on his own, his breath stolen by the tongue seeking entrance.
Gibbs’ broke the kiss, brushing his lips across Tony’s. He needed to give Tony something else to focus on and fast. Preferably something that would knock him out for a while. A quick visual recon of the “supplies” Abby left for them gave Gibbs a couple of options, but alcohol would take too long and have a nasty after effect. That left … Gibbs sighed.
“Hush, Tony. I’m right here. Nothing’s gonna happen to you while I’m here.” His hand moved from Tony’s face to his belt. “Let me take care of you.”
Glazed eyes tried to follow Gibbs’ hand, but he was cut off by another kiss, gentler this time.
“You just keep breathing.”
“Kay,” Tony whispered, his breath slowing.
Gibbs made short work of the buckle, button and zipper. “Lift,” he ordered with a tug on Tony’s pants, which soon rested above his knees, followed by his underwear.
Tony whimpered as Gibbs eased him to the floor. “Just for a moment, Tony,” he heard Gibbs say. A moment later he was wrapped in Gibbs’ arms again, and a moment after that, a warm, slick hand wrapped itself around his dick. His eyes opened wider. “Gibbs….”
“Hush.” Warm fingers stroked and twisted down his length. “Just lie back and let me do the work.”
“Bossy,” Tony moaned.
Gibbs smirked. “Yeah, well… that’s because I’m the boss. You shut up and breathe.”
It didn’t take long. Tony was still too tense to last more than a few strokes and then he was coming all over Gibbs’ hand with a cry. After a few gasps, his breath evened out, his head lolling in the crook of Gibbs’ arm.
“You with me, Tony?”
A happy murmur was the only reply.
“Sleep, Tony,” Gibbs said, reaching for one of the towels. He’d use the sanitized towelettes Abby had left for them once he had Tony settled. “I’ll be right here.”
The combination of panic and pleasure dragged Tony quickly into slumber.
Gibbs knew it wouldn't last, taking the opportunity to clean up the mess and tuck Tony's back in his pants.
Tony smiled in his sleep at the touch, pressing closer, before stilling again.
They had an hour before Tony woke, if they were lucky. An hour Gibbs could use to try, however futilely, to think of a way out, or an hour to come with some way to keep Tony focused without a case, or alcohol, or sex. Gibbs had to work to keep his body from tensing up in anger, unwilling to cut that hour short.
For possibly the first time in his life, Gibbs wished his team weren't quite as good at what they did. Then again, if the team were as good as he'd hoped, they wouldn't have had to resort to locking the two of them in the closet.
Chapter 3