what a wonderful world... ya right!
I thought of dying
gazing into the black, seductive ice water
so glassy and so tranquil
I thought of dying
but in my place
Death's bony embrace
clutched listless children
gnawed by hunger;
prisoners on death row
detritus of their own childhoods;
poor shepherds grazing blunt-toothed animals
on landmined hillsides
I thought of dying,
to throw myself away
so much landfill
If it's no use to me
I could give it
I can holler with my lungs
at injustice
join hands in protest
at brutality
I realized that I had long been dead
but I could choose instead
to reawake
and be alive for them
So I feel sorta blank right about now... sorta half here and half somewhere else and I wish I knew where that was thats for damn sure! I guess I haven't been myself lately, or I have been something else that I am not familiar with. Something that creeps out of the darkness and causes me to be a completely unwanted person possessing my every move and thought, or so it seems. Someone that i wouldn't even want to be around. I don't understand anything, and I feel badly for the hurt that I have done and the hurt that I feel. The hurt just wont go away... it doesn't leave me. I'm engulfed in this never-ending feeling of sadness and hatred towards myself for the things i do and everything that happens. I just don't understand why it happens and why I feel this way, and why others feel that way. But of course I go back to my little hole of an existence and try to figure it out, which never works, obviously. I guess I am just sad at things, and confused about everything really. I severely wish that figuring things out and having thigns make sense was an easier task, but of course its not... not for me anywayz.
gazing into the black, seductive ice water
so glassy and so tranquil
I thought of dying
but in my place
Death's bony embrace
clutched listless children
gnawed by hunger;
prisoners on death row
detritus of their own childhoods;
poor shepherds grazing blunt-toothed animals
on landmined hillsides
I thought of dying,
to throw myself away
so much landfill
If it's no use to me
I could give it
I can holler with my lungs
at injustice
join hands in protest
at brutality
I realized that I had long been dead
but I could choose instead
to reawake
and be alive for them
So I feel sorta blank right about now... sorta half here and half somewhere else and I wish I knew where that was thats for damn sure! I guess I haven't been myself lately, or I have been something else that I am not familiar with. Something that creeps out of the darkness and causes me to be a completely unwanted person possessing my every move and thought, or so it seems. Someone that i wouldn't even want to be around. I don't understand anything, and I feel badly for the hurt that I have done and the hurt that I feel. The hurt just wont go away... it doesn't leave me. I'm engulfed in this never-ending feeling of sadness and hatred towards myself for the things i do and everything that happens. I just don't understand why it happens and why I feel this way, and why others feel that way. But of course I go back to my little hole of an existence and try to figure it out, which never works, obviously. I guess I am just sad at things, and confused about everything really. I severely wish that figuring things out and having thigns make sense was an easier task, but of course its not... not for me anywayz.