wedding woes
Wedding are really dumb, you guys. As a fancy party to celebrate a major milestone in someone's life, they are great. It's even kind of fun to imagine the cool things you would do if you had one. But if you're actually planning one, holy shit. All of a sudden it's not just a celebration. Suddenly you're offending people if you don't want to spend the extra $50 for RSVP cards when people are just going to post "I'll be there! Yay!" on your Facebook anyway. Suddenly, using normal modes of communication is TACKY. Expecting to people to sit at tables wherever they like is TACKY. Making bouquets with silk flowers is TACKY because obviously people are going to go right up to them and stick their noses on them or something, and then they'll know they're FAKE! We want our decorations to DIE after the wedding. All of these things are important because you have to think about what your guests want, and they want you to be in debt forever so they can be drunk for an afternoon. Oh what's that? You're not wearing a veil? How will people know you're the bride if you don't wear a veil!? Your family will not recognize you unless you put a big white piece of tulle on your head!
Completely serious about that last one. Crazy David's Bridal Lady said "Otherwise, how will people know you're the bride? You need to look like a bride!" after I told her I didn't want a veil. Then one by one she brought out THREE veils for me to try on. I kept saying, "It's too much, it's just too much." and she just kept bringing out bigger and longer veils! Hey lady, why don't YOU wear this for a second, somewhere that is not your head! Who is this "David", and why does he think we need these things?
TheKnot, seriously. Stop. Seriously, stop it. You keep telling us about the average wedding cost, but nothing about the median cost. Do we measure income by averages? No? Then we should not let outliers like Kim Kardashian's wedding influence what people think most people actually spend. Also, stop promoting stupid shit like burlap and lace, and what is up with that "how to have a hipster wedding" piece of garbage? You are completely missing the point of a hipster if you print an article about how to imitate them in the most mainstream magazine in weddingdom, and it's the same shit that's posted all over Pinterest anyway so it's not even unique. Where are all of your black brides? Where are your fat brides? Where are all the brides with less-than-perfect noses? What about the ones who don't feel like wearing white, or who want a gown that they might be able to hold up with their small boobs? They can't ALL be on Offbeat Bride.
Completely serious about that last one. Crazy David's Bridal Lady said "Otherwise, how will people know you're the bride? You need to look like a bride!" after I told her I didn't want a veil. Then one by one she brought out THREE veils for me to try on. I kept saying, "It's too much, it's just too much." and she just kept bringing out bigger and longer veils! Hey lady, why don't YOU wear this for a second, somewhere that is not your head! Who is this "David", and why does he think we need these things?
TheKnot, seriously. Stop. Seriously, stop it. You keep telling us about the average wedding cost, but nothing about the median cost. Do we measure income by averages? No? Then we should not let outliers like Kim Kardashian's wedding influence what people think most people actually spend. Also, stop promoting stupid shit like burlap and lace, and what is up with that "how to have a hipster wedding" piece of garbage? You are completely missing the point of a hipster if you print an article about how to imitate them in the most mainstream magazine in weddingdom, and it's the same shit that's posted all over Pinterest anyway so it's not even unique. Where are all of your black brides? Where are your fat brides? Where are all the brides with less-than-perfect noses? What about the ones who don't feel like wearing white, or who want a gown that they might be able to hold up with their small boobs? They can't ALL be on Offbeat Bride.