Pure-Distilled Nerdery
So, today we went on and adventure, of sorts. Our friend, Anne, tagged a few of us when she posted this photo about a week ago:
I wrote them, mostly to troll. I told them that I was perfect for this because for the past ten years I was directing and producing a show just like it (Dungeon Master) to see what their reaction would be, especially since it was supposedly pitched a couple times for TV (last I heard, a couple people were assigned to write up the proposal we brainstormed and...I suppose they just didn't.)
Well, they called me after all and told me to come in and audition. Bring a partner, they said. Hell, bring up to four people. Okay. You say so! I called up some Adventure cast members (Bonnie, Chris, Mercer, and Josh) and headed down to El Segundo. Mercer was especially excited cause it just sounded like it might be either insanely interesting, or interestingly insane and made sure to blame me for the whole affair.
I did not disappoint him.
We were corralled into a room with another thirty or so fellow nerds. After a weak attempt at bonding with us (and dating himself) by letting us know he played Oblivion until 3 in the morning (Oblivion?? Really?), the casting director told us to come up with out group/partner/selves and pitch who we were and why they want us...in 30 seconds.
We rarely got that much time. But hell if we didn't try! The first group up had a magician who name-checked Bonnie twice - which was a little awkward - and had a guy who may have been the epitome of nerd, as his pitch was a monotone (but energetic) barrage of words punctuated by abrupt "UHH"s. It was ON!
Other highlights from the nerd-side included the two muscular wrestlers/Spartans (shouting, "SPARTANS!!" and forearm-gripping his partner), one of whom leapt from his seat and back-flipped off a wall before unleashing a torrent of testosterone the likes of which this world had never seen; the 'psychic' who had traveled the Astral plane before (I turned to Mercer at this point and mouthed, "You're welcome!"); the disturbingly high amount of Potter obsessives (apparently, UCLA has a Quidditch team), which made me scared to admit I didn't care for Harry myself; a couple of old marms who talked about their kids watching Dr. Who (with those "Sweeping Angels") and said they've been nerds since back when people read books, clearly not understanding what it takes to be a Potter-head; the massive man with the Lord of the Rings shirt signed by Peter Jackson, Sean Astin, and Ian McKellan; the guy who told us he has loved fantasy ever since 'Krool' and was corrected by everyone that it is pronounced Krull (blowing his mind); and my old Special Effects Stages castmate, Martin (what the hell?? Hi, Martin!), who was an explosive ball of energy, showing off his collection of Transformers before whipping out his character sheet for D&D (Mercer and coughed out, "4th Edition! Ahem!"), and flaming ON with his not-at-all-hetero self.
As for our team, we were alright, I guess. Mercer did his spiel, mentioning his credits and DMing experience, before wrapping it all up with saying how he would like to be a player this time. Chris did the same, adding some info about his martial arts training (another guy had mentioned Bushido earlier, so they had a bro-ment). Josh was his usual awesome self, telling them how he prefers to be the monster, always wears layers (he had a hoodie, a trench, and two scarves on in full hobo mode), and quit his job cause, "Fuck those guys." Bonnie was uber-charming and busty (and the least nerdy of everyone in the room), causing the directors to ask why she was still single...awkward. And then I went up, told about the Grand Galactic Inquisitor proposal, time and Japan, and repeated the fact that DM was just like their show. They cut me off before I could name drop Adventure or AX, but the rest of the cast said it so often it was probably boring by then. I left out the most interesting things about me, instead nerding out like everyone else. And they were tired of people saying they were actors. It was pretty much FAIL. I am truly terrible at these things, don'tcha know.
(the worst part about being an actor is that reality shows are a pain in the ass to audition for, cause you have to try to be like a regular joe. I usually say teacher, as server is a flashing sign to acting. But since we were all there as cast, I didn't...and they seemed annoyed with it. Meh!)
Now, here's the other side of the experience: the casting crew. They tried to pretend they were into geekery and nerd shit, but naturally, the cracks started to show. When a nerd mentioned Browncoats, the main guy said, "What the hell is a Browncoat?" Boos and tsk-tsks erupted from the rest of us. For shame, sir! A few minutes later, a kid mentioned he was an otaku and frequents Anime Expo. "I have no idea what you just said. What's a Taco?" I immediately shouted, "OTAKU!!" without thinking. The kid tried to explain it as someone who likes Anime (leaving Mercer and I going, "Uhh...not really."). They also seemed to revel in spoilers, dropping what happened in this week's Game of Thrones episode, as well as other films and games. But when another girl said how weird it was when she watched Doctor Who and GoT back to back this weekend because, "Why is Davos Seaworth captain of a Cold War sub, right?"...he just threw his hands up and went, "Uh...okay. Sure." Eventually, he just up and left the room and never came back, leaving his team to finish the questioning. Even they couldn't hold their secret contempt any longer. When one confessed to not having seen or read any Harry Potter, people were shocked and asked how this could be. He lost it and spurted out the old anti-nerd standard, "Cause I like having sex with women."
After having heard people tell about their wives, children, significant others, etc. Pretty sure the room turned at that point. When Martin went up, he made sure to look at that guy and go, "And I assure you, sir, I have never had sex with a woman...and it's likely I won't ever." Targaryan Burn!
In the end, only four were asked to stay for further grilling. Martin (w00t!), Bonnie (go Team Adventure!) - who also are performers in different versions of the SES show at Universal - and two others (I think it might have been the Spartans). As Mercer put it, we did our duty: to be delivery vehicles for the awesome that is Bonnie. And more...because when they went to discuss who was staying, the whole room full of concentrated nerd-dom got to mingling! The Spartans were huge Resident Evil fans, so they got their pictures with Mercer...School of Thrones fans came up to ask about the next season...we talked Venture Bros., gaming, and backflips...and we handed out a nice amount of Adventure Trading Cards. Score 1 for spamming!
Bonnie tells us that they said they'd call her friends later about coming back in. Probably Josh to play an ogre. Ha! All in all, though, a most entertaining way to spend a birthday.
I wrote them, mostly to troll. I told them that I was perfect for this because for the past ten years I was directing and producing a show just like it (Dungeon Master) to see what their reaction would be, especially since it was supposedly pitched a couple times for TV (last I heard, a couple people were assigned to write up the proposal we brainstormed and...I suppose they just didn't.)
Well, they called me after all and told me to come in and audition. Bring a partner, they said. Hell, bring up to four people. Okay. You say so! I called up some Adventure cast members (Bonnie, Chris, Mercer, and Josh) and headed down to El Segundo. Mercer was especially excited cause it just sounded like it might be either insanely interesting, or interestingly insane and made sure to blame me for the whole affair.
I did not disappoint him.
We were corralled into a room with another thirty or so fellow nerds. After a weak attempt at bonding with us (and dating himself) by letting us know he played Oblivion until 3 in the morning (Oblivion?? Really?), the casting director told us to come up with out group/partner/selves and pitch who we were and why they want us...in 30 seconds.
We rarely got that much time. But hell if we didn't try! The first group up had a magician who name-checked Bonnie twice - which was a little awkward - and had a guy who may have been the epitome of nerd, as his pitch was a monotone (but energetic) barrage of words punctuated by abrupt "UHH"s. It was ON!
Other highlights from the nerd-side included the two muscular wrestlers/Spartans (shouting, "SPARTANS!!" and forearm-gripping his partner), one of whom leapt from his seat and back-flipped off a wall before unleashing a torrent of testosterone the likes of which this world had never seen; the 'psychic' who had traveled the Astral plane before (I turned to Mercer at this point and mouthed, "You're welcome!"); the disturbingly high amount of Potter obsessives (apparently, UCLA has a Quidditch team), which made me scared to admit I didn't care for Harry myself; a couple of old marms who talked about their kids watching Dr. Who (with those "Sweeping Angels") and said they've been nerds since back when people read books, clearly not understanding what it takes to be a Potter-head; the massive man with the Lord of the Rings shirt signed by Peter Jackson, Sean Astin, and Ian McKellan; the guy who told us he has loved fantasy ever since 'Krool' and was corrected by everyone that it is pronounced Krull (blowing his mind); and my old Special Effects Stages castmate, Martin (what the hell?? Hi, Martin!), who was an explosive ball of energy, showing off his collection of Transformers before whipping out his character sheet for D&D (Mercer and coughed out, "4th Edition! Ahem!"), and flaming ON with his not-at-all-hetero self.
As for our team, we were alright, I guess. Mercer did his spiel, mentioning his credits and DMing experience, before wrapping it all up with saying how he would like to be a player this time. Chris did the same, adding some info about his martial arts training (another guy had mentioned Bushido earlier, so they had a bro-ment). Josh was his usual awesome self, telling them how he prefers to be the monster, always wears layers (he had a hoodie, a trench, and two scarves on in full hobo mode), and quit his job cause, "Fuck those guys." Bonnie was uber-charming and busty (and the least nerdy of everyone in the room), causing the directors to ask why she was still single...awkward. And then I went up, told about the Grand Galactic Inquisitor proposal, time and Japan, and repeated the fact that DM was just like their show. They cut me off before I could name drop Adventure or AX, but the rest of the cast said it so often it was probably boring by then. I left out the most interesting things about me, instead nerding out like everyone else. And they were tired of people saying they were actors. It was pretty much FAIL. I am truly terrible at these things, don'tcha know.
(the worst part about being an actor is that reality shows are a pain in the ass to audition for, cause you have to try to be like a regular joe. I usually say teacher, as server is a flashing sign to acting. But since we were all there as cast, I didn't...and they seemed annoyed with it. Meh!)
Now, here's the other side of the experience: the casting crew. They tried to pretend they were into geekery and nerd shit, but naturally, the cracks started to show. When a nerd mentioned Browncoats, the main guy said, "What the hell is a Browncoat?" Boos and tsk-tsks erupted from the rest of us. For shame, sir! A few minutes later, a kid mentioned he was an otaku and frequents Anime Expo. "I have no idea what you just said. What's a Taco?" I immediately shouted, "OTAKU!!" without thinking. The kid tried to explain it as someone who likes Anime (leaving Mercer and I going, "Uhh...not really."). They also seemed to revel in spoilers, dropping what happened in this week's Game of Thrones episode, as well as other films and games. But when another girl said how weird it was when she watched Doctor Who and GoT back to back this weekend because, "Why is Davos Seaworth captain of a Cold War sub, right?"...he just threw his hands up and went, "Uh...okay. Sure." Eventually, he just up and left the room and never came back, leaving his team to finish the questioning. Even they couldn't hold their secret contempt any longer. When one confessed to not having seen or read any Harry Potter, people were shocked and asked how this could be. He lost it and spurted out the old anti-nerd standard, "Cause I like having sex with women."
After having heard people tell about their wives, children, significant others, etc. Pretty sure the room turned at that point. When Martin went up, he made sure to look at that guy and go, "And I assure you, sir, I have never had sex with a woman...and it's likely I won't ever." Targaryan Burn!
In the end, only four were asked to stay for further grilling. Martin (w00t!), Bonnie (go Team Adventure!) - who also are performers in different versions of the SES show at Universal - and two others (I think it might have been the Spartans). As Mercer put it, we did our duty: to be delivery vehicles for the awesome that is Bonnie. And more...because when they went to discuss who was staying, the whole room full of concentrated nerd-dom got to mingling! The Spartans were huge Resident Evil fans, so they got their pictures with Mercer...School of Thrones fans came up to ask about the next season...we talked Venture Bros., gaming, and backflips...and we handed out a nice amount of Adventure Trading Cards. Score 1 for spamming!
Bonnie tells us that they said they'd call her friends later about coming back in. Probably Josh to play an ogre. Ha! All in all, though, a most entertaining way to spend a birthday.