changes
I haven't been online for ages on here and I will be going away for a bit until things are sorted.
The short of it?
Zemorg and I have finally split after 2 years and 3 months. It was a long, painful ride and it was just one of those instances where, it just seems silly to keep trying. He betrayed my trust 3 times and had no real incentive to stop, even while he knew it was hurting me. We are moving out separately at the end of the lease and he wants to be single for a bit to get his shit together.
I need to be single too for a bit. I was in between worlds when we got together, perhaps we moved too soon. I don't know.
Maybe we are both just not in the right head space for a committed relationship and we can't keep making and breaking up as a means to ignite emotions.
I was heart broken at first, because I believed I put everything I had into the relationship. To hear him say, he is over the whole concept of being in one, makes me feel like I wasted 2 years for nothing. I need to re-establish who i am again and get myself back on track. I feel weird. Numb, vague, broken, vulnerable and i cant imagine being with anyone else even when being in this relationship felt so doomed. He said he's not looking for anyone else at the moment, i don't know about that for sure, but i'd rather just not think about it.
At first I thought I missed the 'being together' element. After the betrayal, i know what it is now. I miss the time we shared during the period Dec 04 to Dec 05, everything after that seems to be pear shaped.
He wants to stay good friends, but im not sure I can yet. I haven't healed enough to be able to just hang out with him as a friend. I find myself looking at him now and he's different. Maybe I never really got the opportunity to know him properly at all.
I feel his new online buddies know more about him in the space of a few months, than what i got to receive in the 2 years. It hurts, that he can't talk to me like he does them.
I am also very scared of my situation. I don't have any friends around me and the lease is up in 4 weeks. I also don't have a job either. I feel like a lost child, I just want to be near my parents and feel wanted.
Even after all the time we shared together, I thought we were close. Close enough to be real friends.
I was wrong.
The short of it?
Zemorg and I have finally split after 2 years and 3 months. It was a long, painful ride and it was just one of those instances where, it just seems silly to keep trying. He betrayed my trust 3 times and had no real incentive to stop, even while he knew it was hurting me. We are moving out separately at the end of the lease and he wants to be single for a bit to get his shit together.
I need to be single too for a bit. I was in between worlds when we got together, perhaps we moved too soon. I don't know.
Maybe we are both just not in the right head space for a committed relationship and we can't keep making and breaking up as a means to ignite emotions.
I was heart broken at first, because I believed I put everything I had into the relationship. To hear him say, he is over the whole concept of being in one, makes me feel like I wasted 2 years for nothing. I need to re-establish who i am again and get myself back on track. I feel weird. Numb, vague, broken, vulnerable and i cant imagine being with anyone else even when being in this relationship felt so doomed. He said he's not looking for anyone else at the moment, i don't know about that for sure, but i'd rather just not think about it.
At first I thought I missed the 'being together' element. After the betrayal, i know what it is now. I miss the time we shared during the period Dec 04 to Dec 05, everything after that seems to be pear shaped.
He wants to stay good friends, but im not sure I can yet. I haven't healed enough to be able to just hang out with him as a friend. I find myself looking at him now and he's different. Maybe I never really got the opportunity to know him properly at all.
I feel his new online buddies know more about him in the space of a few months, than what i got to receive in the 2 years. It hurts, that he can't talk to me like he does them.
I am also very scared of my situation. I don't have any friends around me and the lease is up in 4 weeks. I also don't have a job either. I feel like a lost child, I just want to be near my parents and feel wanted.
Even after all the time we shared together, I thought we were close. Close enough to be real friends.
I was wrong.